SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
No matter how well I'm doing, when l start something new l have this pattern. And since there will be a lot of new things now, how do I break the pattern?
It happens when I have a close deadline. Maybe I had longer time, and couldn't start anyway. Or maybe it's just a project with a short deadline that l took(1-3 days). I'm scared I'll fail so l break it into parts. I even start on the beginning tasks.
But then it really gets to me. The fear, sliding in sticky, weakening waves through my body, telling me l can't finish it. I'm not good enough, I'll never finish it on time, and if l do it won't be good enough. And then my chest feels like it's burning up and my head starts buzzing with the anxiety pushing back and forth. I start thinking I'll fail and l won't get other projects because I missed the deadline. The feeling is crushing and then it start feeling pointless to do any of the small tasks. I start feeling small and weak and useless and talentless and then when I start pushing through the tasks, I have to constantly take breaks. Work 30min,break 30min so I forget what I'm doing, so l can breathe, so my hands stop shaking. And then l ignore all else I was planning for the day. My day becomes Tasks and breaks. And it's not about the project. Maybe I meet my deadline, maybe I don't. But at the end l'm so depleted from that pattern that I need a day or 2 off, just to take care of myself.
How do l break that pattern??
First because there are job opportunities that just have a pattern of close deadlines. And second because it's just not healthy.
And sometimes if l am not doing well mentally, even with a longer deadline l procrastinate until the last days... And then repeat this pattern.
Caught in such pattern right now with 2 tasks, how do l break out of it?
It happens when I have a close deadline. Maybe I had longer time, and couldn't start anyway. Or maybe it's just a project with a short deadline that l took(1-3 days). I'm scared I'll fail so l break it into parts. I even start on the beginning tasks.
But then it really gets to me. The fear, sliding in sticky, weakening waves through my body, telling me l can't finish it. I'm not good enough, I'll never finish it on time, and if l do it won't be good enough. And then my chest feels like it's burning up and my head starts buzzing with the anxiety pushing back and forth. I start thinking I'll fail and l won't get other projects because I missed the deadline. The feeling is crushing and then it start feeling pointless to do any of the small tasks. I start feeling small and weak and useless and talentless and then when I start pushing through the tasks, I have to constantly take breaks. Work 30min,break 30min so I forget what I'm doing, so l can breathe, so my hands stop shaking. And then l ignore all else I was planning for the day. My day becomes Tasks and breaks. And it's not about the project. Maybe I meet my deadline, maybe I don't. But at the end l'm so depleted from that pattern that I need a day or 2 off, just to take care of myself.
How do l break that pattern??
First because there are job opportunities that just have a pattern of close deadlines. And second because it's just not healthy.
And sometimes if l am not doing well mentally, even with a longer deadline l procrastinate until the last days... And then repeat this pattern.
Caught in such pattern right now with 2 tasks, how do l break out of it?