Dealing with an unsupportive family

[Trashsarah]

First time posting, what advice would you give to someone who has childhood trauma but their family completely avoids and denies their diagnosis? I’m struggling today. I want to scream on the top of my lungs at them to make them hurt but all it does is land me in the exact same spot. It’s like screaming into the void. I don’t know how many more times I can let this happen to me. Is cutting off contact really the only way? It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

 

[LivB]

How old are you? And are these family members the ones that traumatised you?

Because it's normal for abusers to deny the effects of their abuse. And normal for people who didnt protect you to deny they ever knew. It doesnt make it okay but you also cant force them to understand.

As to whether no contact is the only way? Very situation specific. Hope things get better for you though.

 

[Trashsarah]

How old are you? And are these family members the ones that traumatised you?

Because it's normal for abusers to deny the effects of their abuse. And normal for people who didnt protect you to deny they ever knew. It doesnt make it okay but you also cant force them to understand.

As to whether no contact is the only way? Very situation specific. Hope things get better for you though.

I’m 25, thank you for your reply!

 

[Sideways]

Do you have supports other than your family? If not, that’s probably where I’d start - support services and/or therapists in my area.

If you do have supports beyond family, perhaps lower your expectations of what your support your family can offer. My family? Utterly useless as supports. They make stuff worse. So they’re a stressor that I manage, rather than a support that I lean on.

 

[Friday]

First time posting, what advice would you give to someone who has childhood trauma but their family completely avoids and denies their diagnosis?

It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

If your enemies are validating you? You’re doing it wrong.

 

[Trashsarah]

I feel like I need to add some more information.

My dad has emotionally abused my family my entire life. My sister, my mom and I have walked on eggshells for as long as I can remember. My therapist thinks my mom has ptsd as well, she is avoidant. My dad avoids it too but I already see him as a loss cause, I learned there’s no reasoning with him at a young age.

Something about my mom now not willing to relate or even hear me is really triggering for me. She will change the subject if I talk about it or she will completely shut down. It takes an emotional toll on me. I’m trying to learn not to feel responsible for her. Although I’m finding it extremely difficult because I know she also has ptsd and is suffering, and there’s nothing I can say to make her want to get help for herself.

I feel as though I am letting her melt into a puddle by not being confrontational. And then I immediately feel bad for bringing her to a state of shock. I have tried not to care but something always inevitably happens to make me have snap judgement, and I react.