Dealing with an unsupportive family

[Trashsarah]

First time posting, what advice would you give to someone who has childhood trauma but their family completely avoids and denies their diagnosis? I’m struggling today. I want to scream on the top of my lungs at them to make them hurt but all it does is land me in the exact same spot. It’s like screaming into the void. I don’t know how many more times I can let this happen to me. Is cutting off contact really the only way? It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

 

[LivB]

How old are you? And are these family members the ones that traumatised you?

Because it's normal for abusers to deny the effects of their abuse. And normal for people who didnt protect you to deny they ever knew. It doesnt make it okay but you also cant force them to understand.

As to whether no contact is the only way? Very situation specific. Hope things get better for you though.

 

[Trashsarah]

How old are you? And are these family members the ones that traumatised you?

Because it's normal for abusers to deny the effects of their abuse. And normal for people who didnt protect you to deny they ever knew. It doesnt make it okay but you also cant force them to understand.

As to whether no contact is the only way? Very situation specific. Hope things get better for you though.

I’m 25, thank you for your reply!

 

[Sideways]

Do you have supports other than your family? If not, that’s probably where I’d start - support services and/or therapists in my area.

If you do have supports beyond family, perhaps lower your expectations of what your support your family can offer. My family? Utterly useless as supports. They make stuff worse. So they’re a stressor that I manage, rather than a support that I lean on.

 

[Friday]

First time posting, what advice would you give to someone who has childhood trauma but their family completely avoids and denies their diagnosis?

It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

If your enemies are validating you? You’re doing it wrong.

 

[Trashsarah]

I feel like I need to add some more information.

My dad has emotionally abused my family my entire life. My sister, my mom and I have walked on eggshells for as long as I can remember. My therapist thinks my mom has ptsd as well, she is avoidant. My dad avoids it too but I already see him as a loss cause, I learned there’s no reasoning with him at a young age.

Something about my mom now not willing to relate or even hear me is really triggering for me. She will change the subject if I talk about it or she will completely shut down. It takes an emotional toll on me. I’m trying to learn not to feel responsible for her. Although I’m finding it extremely difficult because I know she also has ptsd and is suffering, and there’s nothing I can say to make her want to get help for herself.

I feel as though I am letting her melt into a puddle by not being confrontational. And then I immediately feel bad for bringing her to a state of shock. I have tried not to care but something always inevitably happens to make me have snap judgement, and I react.

 

[Foster]

I found this board based on the

google search " my family is in denial about my PTSD diagnosis". Im 51 and when I was 16 my dad committed suicide. I remember every detail of that day. I have had issues with relationships, drugs , alcohol anxety, plus more. To me.it was a very dramitic event that shook my world. My family had never talked about the incident, in fact I was sent to school the next day. I didnt get this diagnosis till I was 49. There was some recent tension in my family, which I created after a bad day and my mother insiting I was using drugs again. Drugs other than cannabis and alcohol, which is much more limited these days, have not been a part of my life in over a decade. Cannabis was by far the greatest thing I ever found, it made the nightmares go away. Still love it, but only small amounts of thc - alaways mixed with cbd and only right before bed. To bad I grew up and entered the job market during the late 90's when you could not get a job without a drug test,so I moved on to harder stuff. I knew all the ins and outs of testing and how to beat it, but pot is hard to get around so I leftbit behind for a decade or so.


Anwyays my family confronted me and told me they believe I am bipolar, actually it was screamed at me and my mom and brother accused of just making excuses and there is 0% chance I have PTSD and I am still using. I came close to grabbing a glass and pissing in it so I could go buy a drug test snd shove it in there face, yet I held back.

Its insanely frustrating, yet it appears I am not alone.

I dont have any advice but to hang in there and know your not alone.

 

[KayW]

Is cutting off contact really the only way? It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

My parents weren't the direct cause of trauma, but the emotional neglect/abuse made me more vulnerable to other abuse and contributed to the effect of the abuse I went through..
In my twenties, Id left home and had hardly any contact. Gradually, when I had kids of my own, I moved back to the area they live in and I wanted some sort of a relationship with them. But it's not an emotional or supportive relationship and it never will be because they are who they are. We talk about safe subjects like work or what's on TV and avoid emotions. It's safe, doesn't trigger and keeps the peace.
I've been in several abusive relationships and the best thing I learned was that I can't change what other people do, my power comes in how I choose to respond. If you're waiting for someone else's actions to make you happy, then you're giving them that power over your life.

 

[whiteraven]

what advice would you give to someone who has childhood trauma but their family completely avoids and denies their diagnosis? I’m struggling today. I want to scream on the top of my lungs at them to make them hurt but all it does is land me in the exact same spot. It’s like screaming into the void. I don’t know how many more times I can let this happen to me. Is cutting off contact really the only way? It hurts me to think that I will never be validated by the people that hurt me the most.

No one in my family will discuss anything dealing with the stuff that happened when I was younger. I have NOT cut contact, because I've learned there is so much more to them than what happened back then. I am grateful to still have a relationship with my mom and brother today. My sister cut me off years ago--for unknown reasons--and that has been very painful. If anything, the two of us share a very difficult history.

Something about my mom now not willing to relate or even hear me is really triggering for me.

My mom doesn't acknowledge any of it, either. But I learned a long time ago that I just need to change the parameters of our relationship. I'm 62, and we just don't discuss. And she's become my closest friend. People often change as they age.