metis-siren
Confident
Hey guys,
So I saw the relatively new psychiatrist this week and the consensus is that my depression is much worse than I had assumed. After talking about it for a while and explaining what types of symptoms and feelings specific to feeling depressed, I've been deemed severely depressed. Great, and I've been in this state for over a year. So the anti-depressants have been doubled.
I had thought that a lot of the issues that were around school related to being triggered and a general lack of motivation. Seems otherwise.
I thought that the depression was PTSD related, but it predates most of the PTSD symptoms. So major depression outside of PTSD?
Here's where I'm stuck. I've been kicking myself in the ass to get through school, to get out of bed, to get out of home. I've been beating myself up as just not working hard enough. I honestly don't know how to put this into perspective it just feels like I should be relieved to know this was bigger than just willpower, but I'm not. I'm frustrated.
All of the PTSD stuff I'm working on, and I thought that this was under control, I thought I had the depression under control. I feel so utterly disappointed to not have recognized this in myself.
So there you have it. I'm trying to work through the PTSD stuff, and somehow the depression is creeping in without me seeing its shadows and enveloping parts of my life I didn't even acknowledge were affected.
I don't really know how to deal with PTSD and MDD. I just feel so run down, and the anxiety attacks and flashbacks are killing me. It's been a rough stretch.
Usually I'm more eloquent, I'm just not well.
Most sincerely,
A. Lauren
So I saw the relatively new psychiatrist this week and the consensus is that my depression is much worse than I had assumed. After talking about it for a while and explaining what types of symptoms and feelings specific to feeling depressed, I've been deemed severely depressed. Great, and I've been in this state for over a year. So the anti-depressants have been doubled.
I had thought that a lot of the issues that were around school related to being triggered and a general lack of motivation. Seems otherwise.
I thought that the depression was PTSD related, but it predates most of the PTSD symptoms. So major depression outside of PTSD?
Here's where I'm stuck. I've been kicking myself in the ass to get through school, to get out of bed, to get out of home. I've been beating myself up as just not working hard enough. I honestly don't know how to put this into perspective it just feels like I should be relieved to know this was bigger than just willpower, but I'm not. I'm frustrated.
All of the PTSD stuff I'm working on, and I thought that this was under control, I thought I had the depression under control. I feel so utterly disappointed to not have recognized this in myself.
So there you have it. I'm trying to work through the PTSD stuff, and somehow the depression is creeping in without me seeing its shadows and enveloping parts of my life I didn't even acknowledge were affected.
I don't really know how to deal with PTSD and MDD. I just feel so run down, and the anxiety attacks and flashbacks are killing me. It's been a rough stretch.
Usually I'm more eloquent, I'm just not well.
Most sincerely,
A. Lauren