Dealing with Depression Relapse

[frogthroat]

It's been a minute since I've posted here. I recently tried to go without meds for the 2nd time and it's obvious now that my therapists were right about having to take meds for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't say I'm freaking out yet but I was wondering if anyone here that's has severe recurrent depression besides PTSD deals with depression relapses.
I've been to the doctor and I had some physical issues that could cause depression symptoms. That has been taken care of. I go back soon to get everything like my thyroid and stuff checked out.
Reading helps but my concentration is too poor right now to concentrate on books for very long. I had started a meditation practice but that's not happening at the moment either.
How do you tackle cleaning house during relapse? Do you do one thing at a time? I try to keep up with just dishes and laundry but I've fallen behind. I'm just working and sitting on the couch pretty much. I'm still showering and washing my clothes because I don't want to smell or be dirty at work but I'm struggling.
I should've taken that "Don't stop taking your meds once you feel better." advice but I didn't. I just wanted to see if I could do it because I was taught that depression is a lack of will and a sign of weakness instead of an actual illness. I don't know if I can ever unlearn that.
Any advice on how to sort of a keep a schedule?

 

[Friday]

Depression completely f*cks me, and I have no skills nor ability to deal with it… but I DID want to touch base with this part of what you wrote:

I just wanted to see if I could do it because I was taught that depression is a lack of will and a sign of weakness instead of an actual illness. I don't know if I can ever unlearn that.

I’m a ginormous fan of empirical testing. Makes perfect sense to me “Lets see if this works”. You now know, first hand, that it doesn’t. That’s not about unlearning. That’s about learning MORE. Becuase, sure, some “depression” is just laziness. Some “depression” is lack of will. Some “depression” are A-Z medical conditions mimicking depression. Some Depression is an actual illness. AND of the kind that’s an illness? There are different types.

Just because an ignorant person who thinks everyone face down on the floor is there for the same reason? And has taught you that’s the case? Doesn’t mean that’s what really happened. If they’re talking about a lazy person, but calling it depression? That’s like calling a gunshot wound the sniffles. It’s just wrong, and they’re wrong. That happens. People are totally wrong about all kinds of shit. The person with anemia, the person in profound grief, the person with depression, the person who’s drunk, the person who IS lazy, the active person having a lazy day, the person with vertigo, the person with a hormone disorder, the person who’s just been shot, the person who has only slept for 6 hours this week, the person with hypoxia,… are ALL flat out, face down, staring at a wall. But not all for the same reason.

You don’t have to unlearn that laziness and lack of willpower IS a thing. It happens. But that’s not what Depression is. A gunshot wound isn’t called “sniffles”, even if someone is crying and sniffling and moaning about like someone with a cold having a tantrum. They’re 2 very different things.

You’ve just learned that Depression & Lack of Willpower? Are 2 different things. Empirically.

 

[Ohmygosh]

Good point above about testing and learning. You had an idea to try, you have done it a couple times, and will probably test the water a couple more times but that is your life and your body that you are learning. How long does it take for your medications to work again now that you have realized that it's a helpful thing? A couple days? Just curious about that part.

Chores are a part of everyday life, or they aren't. It's not that big of a deal to have everything perfect all of the time, I remind myself.

When I feel drained, I just do my normal dishes and laundry here or there, but I also notice a thing... like that my refrigerator needs to be cleaned-out. Or, this weekend there was stuff that I dragged-out of the garage storage closet and left in a bit of heap. So, during my Netflix binge, I told myself "Self, turn off the TV and go to the garage and throw that crap back where it goes. It will only take you 5 minutes and you can go back to the couch."

Then, I just turn off the tv before the next thought.

Presto. I am back on the couch 7 minutes later and that area is now done. That's my strategy when I don't have the will for the all-day cleaning. Do one thing that is a bigger mess, but easy. Just one.

 

[Bluleaf]

Just because an ignorant person who thinks everyone face down on the floor is there for the same reason? And has taught you that’s the case? Doesn’t mean that’s what really happened. If they’re talking about a lazy person, but calling it depression? That’s like calling a gunshot wound the sniffles. It’s just wrong, and they’re wrong. That happens. People are totally wrong about all kinds of shit. The person with anemia, the person in profound grief, the person with depression, the person who’s drunk, the person who IS lazy, the active person having a lazy day, the person with vertigo, the person with a hormone disorder, the person who’s just been shot, the person who has only slept for 6 hours this week, the person with hypoxia,… are ALL flat out, face down, staring at a wall. But not all for the same reason.

this is really an amazing point. Many people have an opinion of what they believe depression is and are completely ignorant of the truth. Many years ago I had a good friend who was a mental health professional. She was the first person to suggest that I was suffering from depression. She also explained to me that depressed people do not suffer from "laziness". It only appears lazy (weak, lack of willpower) to the uneducated. This type of response from people is damaging and can send a depressed person into an even deeper depression.

The type of depression I suffer from is both Dysthymic and Major Depression. I feel I am in the same boat as you at the moment. Just trying to keep my clothes clean and dishes done. When I go into a deeper depression I cook very little and eat simply. I wash my clothes in small loads at a time, so I don't overwhelm myself. Some days I have to let it all go because my mind is so shut down. Once I learned that this is like any physical ailment I also had to learn how to validate my experience with it. And validating self is so difficult especially when spiraling down.

 

[whiteraven]

I wouldn't say I'm freaking out yet but I was wondering if anyone here that's has severe recurrent depression besides PTSD deals with depression relapses.

Frequently.

How do you tackle cleaning house during relapse?

I don't.

I try to keep up with just dishes

Well, see. I don't even do that. For years, the dishes have suffered; I have a sinkful right now.

I was taught that depression is a lack of will and a sign of weakness instead of an actual illness.

Anyone who says that, or who says you are not doing enough to help yourself, has absolutely no clue.

I'm sorry you're struggling...you are not alone.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @frogthroat, I'm diagnosed with "recurrent depression". It's a f*cker. I regularly don't wash or clean just take medication and eat. Don't cook for myself anymore. I just survive on microwave meals, sandwiches and meals that my mum brings round. I don't have "highs". I have 2 or 3 appointments a week and that's enough. Even though sometimes I wish I could see more people or do something else, I frequently just lie in my couch listening to the radio or watch tv for most of the time.

I used to be very busy and energetic and well motivated but now im really the complete opposite.

 

[frogthroat]

Thanks for all your different perspectives. It's actually comforting as it's difficult to function right now. I don't do a whole lot as of late but I'm realizing I haven't in a very long time. I have to think about whether a med change might help with energy or I need to see how my old meds work now that my vitamin D isn't low.
Eventually, I would just like to work up to having a pretty solid routine that includes exercise.

How long does it take for your medications to work again now that you have realized that it's a helpful thing? A couple days? Just curious about that part

It's been a couple days back on 10 mgs and I can tell a difference already but I'm still pretty overwhelmed.
I would guess since since I was on it for a year and the medicine has a long half-life and I was only off of it about 2 months there's some still in my body. Who knows though? Maybe it's just the placebo effect right now. Either way I'll take it. I'm much calmer.

 

[frogthroat]

Okay, so instead of telling myself I'm lazy and incompetent and not getting anything done I've made a list for the next couple days of a few things to accomplish each day. When I do those I'll make a new list.
My apartment has exploded so I'll start with dishes and laundry including folding it and putting it away. Then the next time I'll clean the counters and table off. I'm just going to concentrate on that the next couple days.
Today I'm off and I'm just being a couch potato.
Maybe making short lists for the next couple months would be a good idea.

 

[Survivor3]

Sounds like a good plan.