Dealing with harassment from ex wife with shopping addiction

foggy

Learning
I have been working on detachment, letting go of the fear of what she might do, and that i will be okay no matter what. I also practice turning it over to God and letting him handle it. Or praying for his will and letting it go. I even made a "God Jar" one time. You write the problem and put it in the god jar (taped up cleanex box). I have no idea why this works, it seems absurd, but it works when nothing else will. Still, I was up all last night. I was coping but this continues to derail me. Any advice is welcome on coping or what I can try. I am posting here as a last resort.

I divorced my ex in CA because she had this weird spending problem that was causing fights, putting us into debt, and her bullying me for my paycheck. I found out a while ago this is actually a shopping addiction. Divorce court is bad and unfair for almost everyone, but my case with Judge D was off the top. I didn't get any custody, had to pay 55% of my salary, and only got visitation during the day, no overnights, or vacations. No evidence, just her crazy antics in court called me a child murderer with no proof. The judge ordered supervised visitation based on her ranting, and I got a glowing report, yet this still happened.

Everyone told me this was corruption. It has been 10yrs of her and her parents harassing me for more money (they enable her), alienating my son, and withholding school and medical information. I returned to court 3yrs after the trial, with a lawyer they couldn't know. 15 minutes before the hearing, Judge D substitutes in. He verbally abuses my lawyer and traumatizes her. I walk her out to her car and she is literally shaking. I can't find an advocate for corruption here or any info online. Lawyer referrals are behind sites lawyers pay to be on, with fake reviews. I google San Mateo corruption and nothing comes up. No news articles or court cases. Is this real?
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Just recently, my company got an order for garnishment for existing child support. This is odd, since I have paid DCSS on time. It was a new court order dated 5/22/2020. yet it was identical to the existing order for 2016.

I went on Better Business Bureau and picked 2 triple A rated lawyers in San Mateo and emailed them both for a consultation.

One of the lawyers called me back and we talked on the phone for a consultation. He said he could get me custody, yet I told him I wanted him to deal with the garnishment. He began asking me questions like my salary (I thought he wanted to calculate support in his head). He asked me my ex-wife's father's name. I told him. He started sounding combative. He asked some questions and I thought he wanted to know my ex-father-in-law's character. I said while I was married to my ex, he was sued 3 times by tenants and lost, and he only has 2 rental properties, and in that time my ex filed 2 lawsuits.

The lawyer tells me this is normal. This is not normal. I tell him I had some trouble with Judge D. and I didn't think the ruling was fair. He says Judge D. is his friend and becomes more combative. Not what you would expect from a lawyer, you get- the judge is my friend, and he listens to me, I can advocate, this is typical marketing. What he meant was Judge D is his friend and you better not say anything bad about him.

He says Judge D is a criminal judge now. I checked and Judge D is still listed on the court website. I ask if it is different D. He says no it is family court San Mateo. I ended the call. I am trying to remember what I told him. He has a firm and a website and an online history. I began wondering if he was going to give this information I told him to someone. It feels like the same corruption I encountered in court. I don't know this lawyer, I never met him. Why is he collecting information and advocating for the judge? I tried not to think about it. There isn't anything I can do action wise.

Later, I called DCSS again. I asked them if they could stop garnishment because maybe my ex sending it directly to my employer and skirting DCSS was illegal. (I called yesterday and they said there were no court orders in the computer and they hadn't sent it. So I thought ex sent it). The women wasn't making sense. She then admitted she sent it!

I said yesterday you said there were no court orders in the computer. She tells me there are 2, one from 2009, and one from 2016. I said the one you sent is from 2020, is that in the computer? She is silent, she won't say. She tells me she had to send it because it is a federal law. I said I have been paying perfectly on time for 4yrs. When my company got a new payroll provider a year ago, and it triggered it, I called and you canceled it. Why are you saying it is the law now? If the court order is dated May, why did you send it at the end of August? Why won't you even admit you have it in your computer? She won't tell me. I tell her I am not a deadbeat Dad, my ex is using you to harass me. You see my payment history in your system. She says nothing. I said this impacts me. It shows my employer I am unreliable because I allowed a debt to go to court and didn't resolve it. That it hurts my credit report. She says it does not do those things. I tell her I was there, sitting in my company, you were not. I ended the call.

It seems like it is happening all over again. I tried not to worry about the information I gave getting to my ex-father-in-law, but it was hard.
 
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foggy

Learning
It is kind of hard to comprehend, but it is not so much the court. I don't do this, I do see others do this, so I don't understand it. My ex Dad is a power networker. We would go to the Club to these giant dinners. It was disconcerting to see people approach him with friendship and he would rebuff them, and then seek those with power. He has been in the club like 40yrs. He does this in other venues and so does my ex, although she is not nearly as good at it. Yet his networking then cascades on to her. He goes to police/community functions that are kind of lame and these giant barbecues where all his "friends" are rich people. It is a kind of transaction where lonely rich people get fake friends in exchange for the fact their rich. I kind of thought it was kind of pathetic for both of them. One of his friends said this lousy thing about poor people to me, kind of revolting.

I think Judge D is evil for hurting my lawyer and definitely this is unethical but he can't be held accountable. I think that lawyer I called thinks he is protecting a friend. It is unethical though, but pretty much all politics is done this way, and the legal system is done this way. That's what "I am a friend of the judge" means in the lawyers marketing. I have a friend who can get me favors. I don't do this kind of networking. I do have friends who have power, but you know something weird? they are actually real friends.
 
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JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there @foggy

I'm trying to read your posts but tbh I feel too uncomfortable reading names,dates,places,etc.so I can't.

It's just too personal for me I guess,as I'm sure it may be for other members too.
 

foggy

Learning
I agree that you should remove my ex's name and my ex fathers name. I didn't think it was possible anyone would recognize them by their first name, but it is fair. The lawyer and the judge, however, were acting in their professional capacity. These not confidential, personal or private conversations, and the judge and the lawyer do not consider them that way. It is disconcerting you would protect them, when it is legal for to make public my name and a transcript of what I said should they decide to suits them. Or someone uses their professional services, and you deleted references to their misconduct.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@foggy - I've edited most names/locational details out of your initial post. To request something like that, please ask Admin or Staff through Contact Us.

Now, just replying to your OP...Your second lawyer being "traumatized" by the Judge...that's not really your battle to fight. I think you might be adding that event to a big list of things you see as wrongs, I'm just not sure you need to take that one on.

I also don't know if it's corruption. Unfortunately, the Judge is allowed to dislike you. And they are allowed to do so while still maintaining impartiality in their judgement.

If the Judge had a personal relationship with your ex's Dad, then they should have disclosed it and recused themselves. So, I'm guessing that they don't.

You can use this link, to the CA courts system FAQ. Scroll down, select "How do I file a complaint against a judge". It'll tell you what to do.

Later, I called DCSS again. I asked them if they could stop garnishment because maybe my ex sending it directly to my employer and skirting DCSS was illegal.
?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
The lawyer and the judge, however, were acting in their professional capacity. These not confidential, personal or private conversations, and the judge and the lawyer do not consider them that way. It is disconcerting you would protect them, when it is legal for to make public my name and a transcript of what I said should they decide to suits them. Or someone uses their professional services, and you deleted references to their misconduct.
Sorry, I don't give a shit. We aren't the BBB.

Besides - using the Judge's name makes it very easy for anyone to find your real name (if you care about that). The other lawyer, I don't care if you refer to him by name. I just did a blanket edit.

You need to talk about that more, write me via Contact Us. Otherwise, lets let your thread stay on-topic.
 

foggy

Learning
I am trying to find out if this blow up is deserved. "Sorry I don't give a shit"? I'll go away for a few days and see if i want to come back. You can delete my account if you like. Maybe delete your post too before others see it.
 
I can't find an advocate for corruption here or any info online. Lawyer referrals are behind sites lawyers pay to be on, with fake reviews. I google San Mateo corruption and nothing comes up. No news articles or court cases. Is this real?
.

^You know... most legal professionals know each other if not in person, by name or rep. Googling lawyers, emailing them for a consult is probably going to create a lot of problems. Very much you get what you pay for and what are you asking them to do? Because...

my company got an order for garnishment for existing child support. This is odd, since I have paid DCSS on time. It was a new court order dated 5/22/2020. yet it was identical to the existing order for 2016.

^Why worry? If you're paying child support - does it matter if it is garnisheed or you do a direct debit or write a cheque? It matters that you pay that's all because you're paying for your children and that's important.
 
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