Dealing with social anxiety again, I’m tired of it.

Leeshee

New Here
Lately, I’ve been having social anxiety over silly things. My old, close friend hasn’t been very responsive and my new coworker both through text. I noticed that I sounded grumpy a bit when I talked to my coworker in person today and they left early shortly after that and seemed mad at me. But I’m probably just overthinking this. This kind of stuff used to upset me even more when I was younger because I have worked on it. But it still gets to me occasionally. It stems from the social rejection I experienced at home and at school growing up. Additionally, being bullied too. I’m just trying to tell myself that this has more to do with them then me and that it’s not a big deal. But I still feel kind of anxious and shitty. How do you guys cope with social anxiety? Thanks for listening.
 

MrMoonlight

MyPTSD Pro
I deal with social anxiety too, sorry you have to go through it. I have used so many different tools when out and about. I like to give myself lots of time on both ends of a trip out in the community. I use music to distract myself many times I will have earbuds in, depending of course on the trip. It's a great distraction putting it on low so you can still hear what's going on around you. Maybe just one earbud in rather than two so you can kinda decide on what to concentrate on ... the music or the environment.

Sometimes I will close my eyes while talking to people ... that helps me tremendously.

I hope you find something that works for you ... I know you will get a lot of good advice here.
 

Leeshee

New Here
Thanks, I’ll try to listen to music more. This is more when I’m alone tho. I’ll just ruminate on why people don’t reply occasionally and feel shitty. Like I’ll wonder why they don’t respond and it makes me anxious. And then when I talk to them in person I have some anxiety because of that. It’s kind of exhausting.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I have anxiety too. I take medication to help, but still have to use the tools like @MrMoonlight suggested. I too make sure I have enough time, especially if I am going somewhere. I even sit in my car before getting out and spend time deep breathing until I feel a little more relaxed. Even in public places I do the deep breathing. Wearing a mask helps, no one notices what I'm doing!!

But for me, depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Also take meds for that. But the ruminating comes more from depression than anxiety for me.

Do you have a therapist or even a GP you could talk to about this?
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Leeshee I did not know that was part of social anxiety, as I always thought social anxiety was helped by skills based training, whereas what you described could be possibly anxiety- fueled insecure attachment, or what they refer to as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or rumination, or outright anxiety. Or perhaps something else (Idk the content).

What I find is, for myself, if I don't know the reason, or what is real, I simply don't know. Perception is 99% reality, but we are affected by what thoughts we think that define what we think that reality is. People can have a variety of things going on, by choice, responsibility or unexpectedly; we do also. The other side of the coin is, when it comes to business, I would expect more efficient communication (I am old school),. Personally nowadays I think generally speaking we all expect with technology the ability (not choice, but rather capacity) to respond relatively quickly. And if I'm honest, when I don't respond I am sending the msg I don't want to, and really, the person or responding to them isn't a priority for me, or I'm trying to avoid them. I know that as well, so I know that truth.

So you may be reading it wrong, or you may be correct. If you are, it doesn't mean you're not worth caring about, even if these people don't care. Or maybe they do.

You needn't have anxiety, try not to worry about it and if you are motivated to you can ask them eventually. If not, invest where there's less room for doubt.

Good luck and welcome to you!
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
This is the story of my life. At worst, I convince myself I might have done something really upsetting that deserve a special hate or created great sadness or disappointment to not get an immediate response, and I start to review every single detail that has happened in the relationship, from the beginning to the end. It is obviously way too much but I can't help it. Then I become anywhere to midly irritated to shameful wity that person, which doesn't help. Have to keep reality checking but the constant iteration on doubt might have an effect on how I relate unless I take a lot of care, then I feel fake, untill I end up pulling out or screw it anyway by being cutting. It's exhausting. So exhausting. I have improved a very lot the last 3 years but in depressive states it comes back ugly and furious.

But yes meds and physiological stuff, breathing, self massage, walks... I found CBT and thought challenging more straightforward and efficient than my "home" systems of checking-in.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Hi, @Leeshee,

I have also suffered social anxiety... In the past, if you were to walk down the street towards me I would cross the street so I wouldn't have to walk close to you. I was that timid, shy, anxious, and afraid. I felt overwhelmed in crowds and avoided them. I was so afraid that someone would laugh at my appearance or say or do something to humiliate me in public like my dad did when I was young. I didn't go out much.

When I did go out I would sometimes hear people laughing and I just "knew they were laughing at me". I thot that my insides could be seen on the outside. My "T" said, "So what if they are laughing at you, why do you care what they think? They don't know you!" Well, that had never occurred to me. So, I liked this particular therapist/counselor a lot, she really helped me through the worst of "re-living" my trauma. She was a very knowledgable, experienced, trauma therapist.

I learned that most people were more concerned about themselves and the way they looked in public than the way I or others looked. I came to a point where I did not care anymore, I wasn't hurt by the opinion of others especially those who didn't even know me. It took some time because for so long I had no boundaries, but the social anxiety got much better....I still get nervous in social situations and I can sometimes be awkward, and I do care a little about what others think of me, but I don't fall apart over it anymore. I just keep doing my best and letting go of the rest. It is more important now what I think of myself and what I know to be true.

Ya see I was going about with the emotional experiences of an "adult child of an alcoholic" and I am also a childhood trauma survivor. So that kinda explains where my anxieties originated.

This was just one example of how I worked my way through social anxiety. I can't say what will help you, but I wish you the very best with it and I hope that something I have said helps you!
 
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