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Death in the family

Discussion in 'Death' started by whiteraven, May 17, 2018 at 8:16 PM.

  1. whiteraven

    whiteraven Well-Known Member

    My brother's mother-in-law died yesterday. I wasn't close to her, but she and I got along well when we saw each other. She was 10 years younger than my mom and although she was living in a nursing facility, no one was expecting her to die (well, you know, anymore than we are expecting everyone to die).

    I really struggle with death and dying. It's always been a preoccupation (thanking my grandmother for that) and I have a love-hate relationship with it that I suspect is mostly hate or, more specifically fear. Her death stirred all that up again or maybe just made it worse.

    From the end of 2007 to the end of 2008, I lost 12 people who were close to me. Two of my best friends died that year and the husband and daughter of one of those also died, as well as my dad. I never properly grieved any of them (with the possible exception of my dad) and I suspect that has contributed to my continued issues with the end of life.

    This recent death came just a few weeks before I was planning to k i ll myself. I am so mixed up now. I don't want to die and leave all *this* behind for others to have to clean up. Plus, it triggered worries again about my mom (in good health, but 83yo) and my cats, who I am so desperately afraid of losing.
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