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Debt anxiety

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I know it's the most common thing ever. Most people have debt, most people would stress about money. I'm born in poverty, hence I have no safetynet. Many others are in the same boat or worse. Because of NOT knowing how to cope with PTSD at the start, I will be in debt for a while now. So the inflation and general state of the world right now just added fuel to the fire. So I recognize that change, paying off all that I owe, it will take some time. I tried to make a financial planner from a notebook to celebrate any step forwards few months back and then my good intentions fell apart after a few setbacks.

So now, starting over, there will be payments I simply can't cover, not at that moment. There might be consequences. Feeling bad doesn't help me. Working helps me.

Yet whenever someone is angry at me regarding a money issue(and they have a right to be if I'm late with a payment- but if I have done all I can to handle it, including selling old stuff/pawning and I still can't and have been upfront that I'll be late and I can't change anything at that day so I have to be 4 days late for example)-when someone is mad about money or I can't handle important money issue(like food or bus or meds) I feel so anxious I throw up or have multiple panic attacks and lose a few days of work. And that leads to more issues. And also I feel like I can't allow myself to eat/sleep/workout/meditate/take care of myself until that issue is resolved. Which makes work harder to cope with.
How do I take responsibility for my debt without refusing to take care of myself or debilitating my own capability to change my future?
How do I feel worthy of more and better opportunities if I have made so many mistakes in the past, causing so much debt and issues? How do I keep my head high if I have so many small debts and things to apologize for? How do I feel deserving enough to apply for more work when I feel like this? Even though I logically know more work and better paid work are needed to change my future. Fact is, I have debt in the present. And it feels debilitating and horrifying.
How do I cope? How do I start believing I deserve to cope or fix anything if it's late in the game?
 
I am so sorry that you are going through such difficult times. Yes, you have made some mistakes from your past. But your past does not define who you are today. You need to stop beating yourself up. You have to do something drastic so that you can have some peace in your life. First, prioritize your most important bills such as rent, electricity, water, phone, bus fare and groceries. You need these things to live. Do not pay another dime on your credit cards or other loans that charge exorbitant interest rates. This will give you some breathing room. If creditors call and demand their money, under no circumstances should you engage with them. You may receive letters that you will be sued. Do not open them. What are they going to sue you for? You don't have any money. It is not against the law to not pay your creditors. No one goes to prison for this. Change your phone number.

Here is my story! I racked up $87,000.00 in credit card debt in 18 months. I invested it and lost all of it. I was being charged as much as 30% interest on some of the cards. I did not share this with my wife. It was either pay them or lose my home, car, and family. I seriously considered filing for bankruptcy. I was suffocating and had absolutely no peace of mind. It got to the point where I could not function. I was drowning in debt. It impacted every area of my life. I made the conscious decision to not pay these credit card bills. I got the phone calls and the threatening letters for about a year and I ignored them. Once credit card companies know that they are unable to get their money, they sell the debt to a third party which is called a collection agency. Interesting enough, they sell this debt for pennies on the dollar.

Once this is done, you will no longer hear from the credit card companies. The collection agencies will then call you and send letters giving you opportunities to pay off the debt for as much as 50% off. This sounds great but if you don't have the money, you don't have the money! Eventually, the letters and phone calls will cease. Yes, it is a fact that this will hurt your credit for up to 7 years. After 7 years you can always rebuild your credit.
Looking back, I would have made the same decision. Some people may say that this was unethical but they were not in my shoes.
We all make mistakes and sometimes we have to make drastic measures so that we can move forward! Good luck my friend. I am interested in how this plays out. Let me know.
 
Do not pay another dime on your credit cards or other loans that charge exorbitant interest rates. This will give you some breathing room. If creditors call and demand their money, under no circumstances should you engage with them.
You may receive letters that you will be sued. Do not open them.
It is not against the law to not pay your creditors
All of the above may be illegal depending on where you live. Please seek the advice of a qualified financial advisor.

No one goes to prison for this.
Yes, they do.
 
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