• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

decided to be honest with Crisis line PD showed up at door

Status
Not open for further replies.

AJ45

Confident
long story short things have been torture decided to be honest with crisis line police and mobile crisis team showed up at my house it scared me/terrified me i panicked and wasnt 100% honest but wish i was :/

i made things seem like they were ok, when they arent, but it was 3 officers and 2 mobile crisis team workers.........i know they came to help but have you ever gotten so scared and with the depression make things seem better then they are?

i HATE myself. its are to understand, I do want help.........
 
When I get to a point of crisis, my mind starts to tell myself that I am still in control, but I feel so close to the edge where I might lose. At that time, I know that I don’t want to harm or kill myself but the pull feels so strong, like a darkness coming in. I found myself telling friends on the other side of text messages that I keep thinking about knives, when in reality, I had just held a knife to my arm 5 minutes before talking to them. It is such a scary place where you wonder if the wrong part of your mind will take over or can you ride out the storm (or in my case, severe flashback wave). Safety nets. I read an article about safety nets to have in place, I didn’t know it, but I had them in place. Established via conversations with my therapist over the year. Safety net 4 is the crisis line/Er/police. I made it to safety net 3 and then my husband dragged me out of the house to a football game and grocery store and I was miserable, but stayed alive.

I believe a trauma therapist is your next step. There are plenty of places that offer sliding scales if cost is a concern. You can mention on your first appointment about the crisis situation. Establish safety nets.
 
i made things seem like they were ok, when they arent, but it was 3 officers and 2 mobile crisis team workers.........i know they came to help but have you ever gotten so scared and with the depression make things seem better then they are?
All the time. I do this all the time. It's such a strange feeling, when I'm doing it - can't explain it, but I know what you're talking about.
 
All the time. I do this all the time. It's such a strange feeling, when I'm doing it - can't explain it, but I know what you're talking about.
i get it, and its torture EVERYTHING is

When I get to a point of crisis, my mind starts to tell myself that I am still in control, but I feel so close to the edge where I might lose. At that time, I know that I don’t want to harm or kill myself but the pull feels so strong, like a darkness coming in. I found myself telling friends on the other side of text messages that I keep thinking about knives, when in reality, I had just held a knife to my arm 5 minutes before talking to them. It is such a scary place where you wonder if the wrong part of your mind will take over or can you ride out the storm (or in my case, severe flashback wave). Safety nets. I read an article about safety nets to have in place, I didn’t know it, but I had them in place. Established via conversations with my therapist over the year. Safety net 4 is the crisis line/Er/police. I made it to safety net 3 and then my husband dragged me out of the house to a football game and grocery store and I was miserable, but stayed alive.

I believe a trauma therapist is your next step. There are plenty of places that offer sliding scales if cost is a concern. You can mention on your first appointment about the crisis situation. Establish safety nets.


thank you for saying all this, i get the whole acting/ about to act. and its pretty just me myself & I. i just dont have it in me anymore. recently lost insurance cant afford therapy etc. at a breaking point
 
Willing to accept THIS MUCH help, doesn’t mean I’m willing to accept even an inch more than that.

I think i get it, AND in a way yes, because help has always meant being in worse situation/ hurt even more.
 
what does that mean ive read it like 5 times and im perplexed :/
Meaning I might be willing able to talk with someone on the phone about what’s going on, but not to have them show up at my house AND still talk about what’s going on, much less leave and go somewhere else to talk to more people about what’s going on, etc.

No different really, that asking someone to bring a dish to a dinner as opposed to having them show up and try and cook the entire meal. Nope. I asked for ONE thing, not TWELEVE things. This much? Yes. That much? No.
 
Meaning I might be willing able to talk with someone on the phone about what’s going on, but not to have them show up at my house AND still talk about what’s going on, much less leave and go somewhere else to talk to more people about what’s going on, etc.

No different really, that asking someone to bring a dish to a dinner as opposed to having them show up and try and cook the entire meal. Nope. I asked for ONE thing, not TWELEVE things. This much? Yes. That much? No.


i get it, and it makes me feel guilty because i should take whatever help i can get at this point, its so confusing frustrating irritating and makes me sad angry but you are correct have 3 officers and 2 mental health workers show up unannounced isnt really going to help, especially since neighbors can hear everything its embarrassing and shameful
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top