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Declining - crippling apathy after work & disassociation during work

Discussion in 'Employment, Education & Disability' started by nebulous, Jun 18, 2018.

  1. nebulous

    nebulous New Member

    I used to be able to work multiple jobs and go to school (even after C-PTSD diagnosis, even when I was also in an abusive relationship). Over the last couple years, I have declined cognitively culminating in a withdrawal from this semester and working from home for a while. I think I was using school as a distraction. My financial resources are drained, and I just got a new work from home job a couple weeks ago and had to go into the physical office for training (this became very difficult) but I got through it.

    I thought that when the work from home part started I would be less anxious, but all it has done is make me dread each next day. I have to do a lot of talking via video and voice and be enthusiastic while doing so and although I am doing well I don't feel like it's right for me. I only do it a few hours and then my energy is gone for the rest of the day and I can't function. I almost think I dissociate while on the phone because sometimes I talk more than I would ever and don't remember what I said. I have to take a lot of caffeine to be engaged but then a bit too much and I have dissociative anxiety, so it's like a vicious cycle. I can't even use my brain anymore.

    I feel like a complete loser, we are in financial troubles and I just can't seem to do anything but I want to find jobs that allow me to limit social interaction to a minimum. I am in a great relationship now but my symptoms are worse than they have been; I can barely get the strength to fold my laundry or do anything except what is absolutely required of me. I have thoughts about what I should be doing all the time but feel paralyzed that I cannot act on them. I ignore important tasks (lifestyle wise) and am told that I need more self-discipline; I can't explain that I have it inside me but I can't seem to act on it.

    Why is this getting worse as time goes on? Should I give myself more time to work on my issues? I don't even know the meaning of self care anymore or if I even deserve it...Does anyone else feel a crippling apathy?

    I can't function cognitively either like my brain is absent. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2018
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Hi, are you in therapy? Taking medication? Seeing a psychiatrist?

    whiteraven likes this.
  4. SeekingAfrica

    SeekingAfrica Well-Known Member

    Sadly I don't have many answers, just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm really struggling with work right now.
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