I used to be able to work multiple jobs and go to school (even after C-PTSD diagnosis, even when I was also in an abusive relationship). Over the last couple years, I have declined cognitively culminating in a withdrawal from this semester and working from home for a while. I think I was using school as a distraction. My financial resources are drained, and I just got a new work from home job a couple weeks ago and had to go into the physical office for training (this became very difficult) but I got through it. I thought that when the work from home part started I would be less anxious, but all it has done is make me dread each next day. I have to do a lot of talking via video and voice and be enthusiastic while doing so and although I am doing well I don't feel like it's right for me. I only do it a few hours and then my energy is gone for the rest of the day and I can't function. I almost think I dissociate while on the phone because sometimes I talk more than I would ever and don't remember what I said. I have to take a lot of caffeine to be engaged but then a bit too much and I have dissociative anxiety, so it's like a vicious cycle. I can't even use my brain anymore. I feel like a complete loser, we are in financial troubles and I just can't seem to do anything but I want to find jobs that allow me to limit social interaction to a minimum. I am in a great relationship now but my symptoms are worse than they have been; I can barely get the strength to fold my laundry or do anything except what is absolutely required of me. I have thoughts about what I should be doing all the time but feel paralyzed that I cannot act on them. I ignore important tasks (lifestyle wise) and am told that I need more self-discipline; I can't explain that I have it inside me but I can't seem to act on it. Why is this getting worse as time goes on? Should I give myself more time to work on my issues? I don't even know the meaning of self care anymore or if I even deserve it...Does anyone else feel a crippling apathy? I can't function cognitively either like my brain is absent.