Depression getting the best of me

[littlestars]

I’ve been feeling extremely depressed lately. My meds work, it’s just a lot of external things. Nothing seems to be going right and I’m having difficulty focusing on the positive. I could list all of the things that have happened but I won’t. Just know that it’s like one thing after the other down to the point where I’m starting to pick myself apart and become very bitter. I can’t seem to smile anymore. All I want to do is eat cookies and sleep. I think about self harm. I feel like there’s no one to talk to. It feels like I’m screaming underwater but there’s no one there to help. Maybe I’m too dependent on other people and need to do this on my own, except that I don’t know how. Any kind words or suggestions would help. Some of the external things are bringing up old trauma too. I could sit at home all day and do nothing and something could still go wrong. Please help.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @littlestars 👋 sorry that your having a bad time, depression can be awful. Listening to you.

 

[shimmerz]

Any kind words or suggestions would help

Hi @littlestars. I am so sorry you are so overwhelmed. It sounds like you are going through a ton of shit. Add triggers back to trauma with that and it is no doubt you feel the way you do.

I have a link that I will post to something that our agency uses and it seems to be very helpful for others. It may be a bit much for you right now so don't push yourself to watch it if it doesn't feel right. It is called Alternatives to Suicide. It is compassion based rather than the typical authoritarian approach that most use.

It speaks about what is going on inside, outside. It is validating and kind. Again, don't push yourself to watch - you can always leave it (if it feels right to you) until a later time when you are feeling better.

I am not sure if you are in this space but what works for many (not all) is focusing on one thing. One thing that you do in a day that you feel good about - that feels like an accomplishment. It may be brushing your teeth. It could be popping your head outside for a moment. It could be looking at the moon. Keep it really simple and without judgement. It may take some time to find it but if you can be patient with yourself you will find it.

Don't expect much of yourself. You are going through a lot. I find many times it is our own judgement of ourselves that digs us deeper into the depression pit. Sleep all day if that is what your body needs and try to train yourself to say 'this is self care' and try to mean it. Self compassion is very important. These guys are great at self compassion. I believe Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer work in tandem and are considered the del facto (?) experts on this very crucial part of healing.

They have lots of videos on youtube. IF these don't hit the mark maybe another will?

I have to head to a meeting now, but please reach out again if these are not helpful.

 

[Defaultxlove]

Hi littlestars I've got a hug for you if that helps. 🫂

 

[StillPen]

Maybe I’m too dependent on other people and need to do this on my own, except that I don’t know how.

IMO, the only thing that can truly help bring a person out of severe depression/SH/ActIve SI is to admit it to others who can relate, which is what you have done, so I hope you feel at least a little relief frombputting it out there. I don't think we are wired to handle depression on our own...my experience is that makes it that much worse and that much more painful. I hope when you can, you'll follow some of the suggestions that @shimmerz posted.

Any kind words or suggestions would help

Know that you are not alone, those that have been where you are now are here and listening. Keep working through it one small step at a time. This will pass.

 

[Friday]

I’ve never been able to wrap my head around depression. I didn’t have it at all the first time my PTSD went symptomatic (suicidal? Damn straight. But not depressed), and this time? I only notice as I’m coming OUT of it, or am only able to recognize myself falling into it from patterns. Once I’m IN it? I am f*cked 6 ways from Sunday.

I’m always super impressed by people who recognize that they’re in it, or can take steps to do anything about it.