Even before my accident I've seemed to battle depression. I see pictures of me as a five year old in school. My eyes are downcast and I know I was unhappy. My first depression was probably about when I was eleven years old when my parents got married. The change of school and living with a man in the house was quite a struggle for me even though that man is one of my best defenders and is literally the father I never had (he adopted me when I was 12 years old). No one in my family noticed problems with depression until I was fifteen when I had another episode. One of my stepbrothers had died in the line of duty that summer before and because of it I was angry and quite difficult to deal with. Every time I have a depression I seem to come out of it without drugs. My problem is, as I age I notice depression is an ebb and flow thing for me. I'll be normal for a few days, then I'll feel depressed and anxious it's hard to function. A week or so later I can function again. This happens weather or not I have counseling too. Many people in my family have suffered from depression. My mother has to keep taking Paxil to feel normal. My birth father killed himself as a result of depression. My maternal grandfather was most likely a self medicating alcoholic. I have at least four alcoholic/drug addicted cousins. My point I guess is that I seem to have a family history of this. Those of you who have depression, is this normal? I'm beginning to wonder if I need drugs. I don't think I'm manic depressive because I don't have the mania. It just seems I'm battling depression more and more.