Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="SeekingAfrica" data-source="post: 1663799" data-attributes="member: 19709">I'm having a really hard time with the whole staying at home thing. Some days are okay, some days I get so strong waves of anxiety or depression that even doing the stuff I am allowed to or able to at home, I can't do. Like, we had 40h curfew this weekend, but each day of the weekend I have 2h ballet classes, I hung out with my roommate etc, so the time went by fast, for me. Today, on the other hand, I can go out, but I am having such a strong depression wave I am finding it hard to be out of bed at all.I got up, had breakfast, and now I'm writing this from bed, half-laying down. It's not even a mild 'oh how cute, let's have a day off and watch movies in bed' kind of thing. Anything I watch makes me feel worse. Anything I read or think about doing all seems bleak and pointless. I'm sore from the weekend too, and sometimes when I'm in bad state that can set me off like a trigger too, which doesn't help. Can I take a day off if I needed? Possibly, that isn't the issue. I am just really struggling finding things to hold onto today, things to look forward to. Tomorrow is my birthday and in regular times I would have been in another country going to a concert with my high school best friend I've known for years- we had tickets and all... and then, here I am. This is not about the concert though. I am just feeling so low that I just need something to hold onto. And 'managing to clean or do my work for the day', doesn't seem enough. I honestly don't know how to even make myself do these things. I can't get myself to cook, so I'm eating whatever and that isn't helping. I can order food, but I have this really mean voice in me telling me that if I do I'd be wasting money at uncertain time when I really shouldn't.I am just so low right now, that all these thoughts combined with my body hurting everywhere from sore musles is making my mind be in this fog fuzzy sleepy state. I'm not sleeping, but I am finding it hard to function right now. This marks the forth week starting, since this whole thing began with the curfew and state of emergency. And I would like to be the person saying, this is great time to work on myself, draw, organize, write, read, learn, get in shape...and sometimes I am like that. But today is not one of those days. If I manage to clean a little and do some work today, I'll be content with that. Although I need more, I just dont have much will for more right now. It's like I can't command my body to do anything right now and everything feels harder and at the same time, useless. Still hoping it's just a day, though. better than longer time feeling like this. I'm sorry for the rant, I am just really struggling...</blockquote>

Name