Relationship Desperately seeking help and understanding


New Here
I am not sure what is going on with my spouse and Im scared about our marriage.

He has been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and insomnia. Has been prescribed medications for all of them. Everything was going really well. Our future plans were in order and moving to another state next year, me going to school and him retiring.

After a unexpected death in the family, things turned horrible within a matter of days. I had called him and in that call, he was not acting right, said he was tired-emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. He said he was in a dark place, didnt know who he was or what he wanted. I asked if he needed space, if he wanted me here or anything and he said he hadn't thought that far since he is trying to figure himself out.

He started talking about how Ive never trusted him, how Im very insecure and a few other issues that Ive had from my past. He does not wear his ring anymore, we have not touched or kissed since the day after I got back from the funeral, which has been almost a month ago, he has avoided me alot and only talks if it something basic. He is basically acting and living his life right now as if its just him. He hates being on meds and doesnt want to be on them anymore. He is taking them still though since I hear/see if every morning.

We tried to talk one night and he kept saying he was "numb, he has no feelings or emotions" I have reassured him that I am here for him no matter what and I love him. I dont want to lose him, we have been married 10yrs, hes been in the service over. I dont know if the unexpected death, retirement and finances with the added medication set him off. I look at him and this is not him. He talks to my daughter (his step) just fine. She had a long talk with him a week ago and he basically said that he has had so many issues from many years and everything has just been buried inside. He told her that with my issues, he cant emotionally support someone when he cant support himself. And he needs to get better so he doesnt make a drastic decision that he doesnt want to make. He is so worn down and wants to do this by himself. He used to come to me when he was depressed, needing me and now its like Im in another dimension looking in.

I did decide to make an appointment for myself so I can learn how to cope with this and better myself. Im reaching out to see if anyone has gone through something like this where one day things are great, moving forward and something happens and they pull a complete 180 and its like you are not even married or even anything to them. I want to fight for our marriage and will always be here for him. My heart is broken.
Last edited by a moderator:


Sorry you are going through this.

My partner's parents both died within a few weeks of each other last year. That resulted in her grieving. She doesn't have PTSD or anything like that. And yet, because of grief, things were very tough for several months. We weren't intimate. I felt shut out and on my own. It was tough.
But that is grief?
Give it a bit of time?

Now, we're back in a much better place. We had contemplated couples therapy, because with her grief and my trauma therapy, we felt we just were not understanding each other. But I decided against it as I can barely cope with my therapy and having couples therapy on top seemed too much.

It's been a month since this bereavement, and on top of that he has PTSD, and has/is retired. And he has said he doesn't want to make rash decisions.
Maybe hold onto all the other years and experiences you have, and trust in the relationship, and hold out for a bit of time until you are both able to talk about what is going on?
I've been there too, currently going through that. Literally woke up and she completely changed and doesn't even know me and thinks I'm someone I'm not. It got really bad a year ago when covid hit and she disappeared. I went to a therapy for about 8 months. It honestly helped a lot in a surprising way. What was nice was not having to censor or walk on eggshells and to be able to just talk about how you feel without constant interruptions or feeling afraid of your spouse taking it the wrong way and getting triggered. And it obviously didn't fix everything, but I'm in a much better place now even though I've had a few really rough days, but mostly I'm doing okay. I'm sorry you're going through this I wouldn't wish it on anyone.