Can you tell her you love she’s invited you as it is so kind but that you’d rather not be with the crowds and maybe go out to dinner her and your family the next night?My mom invited me to eat at her house on Christmas. I have no partner as an excuse. My kids are invited as well of course, or else they will be with ex.
I don’t want to go! I went last year because I hadn’t gone for two years. I know that she will feel ashamed if her husbands family is all there and I’m not there.
I suspect her horrible gossipy best friend would say something. My mom has always been a huge fan of gossip. It helps her feel important and somehow helps her individuate maybe?
Anyway. I haven’t responded. Part of me thinks I have a duty. As a decent human. To go and make plans to only stay for one hour. That would be the decent thing to do.
That’s really hard for me to do. Last year I showed up at the right time that they invited me. And then her husband’s kids showed up an hour late and her husband’s alcoholic brother kept saying he was going to come but several hours in said he was too tired. So we were all just waiting forever with everyone on their phones except for the gossipy friend and my mom. Eventually I went on my phone too because I didn’t need to prop up the gathering.
And the food was all terribly salty, fatty, and bland, no balance of acid, heat or spices. The gossipy friend got more opinionated as the wine flowed. My mom acted like the timid little sister to her gossipy friend and they teased and mocked my mom’s husband (sister of the best friend) for fun.
Ugh! So I do think it’s ok to say no but it’s polite to say yes because she has been generous to me and my kids throughout the year in whatever way she can.