I am restless when it comes to positive, nurturing messages or conversation. I push them away by blocking them out. I am unable to deal with downsides of anything (anything negative leaves me disconnected am unable to remember what was said or done). I also have the impulse of hurting people and sometimes carry it out. I am at risk of developing Anti-social personality disorder. I'm on a mood stabilizer (epilim) and an anti psychotic (risperidone). I can't afford trauma therapy. What's your advice?