Dez. 15th, 2020

It's been half a year since my first post here regarding whether my thing happened or not. It's been about 14 years since the happy childhood turned into a nightmare of years and years of struggle.
I keep dreaming about meeting the guy again who, i hope is not true, did things to me I didn't want. But, i am not sie of that's true or not, i think i remember not saying anything and just thinking i am doing this to pleasure him, only him.
I start to remember
 
Dezember 27th, 2020
I am held prisoner by my own parents.
I am okay. But i don't want to be here. Those looks they gave me when i wanted to leave, the silent accusations and loud disappointment. I can't leave. I am emotionally trapped
 
Dez. 28th 2020,
I am still at my parents house. The mood swings are stressful and i feel dependent on what mood they're in.
I will watch 'tangled' soon, the mother reminds me of my own and it gives me a feeling of understanding what's going on quite the contrary to not trusting my own feelings and emotions anymore, because of the emotional brain wash.
Sounds a lot like Gothel, doesn't it?
 
Dez., 31st 2020
The Last day of 2020!

This isn't supposed to be a review on the year or whatever. But i'd like to say that it had good sides, very good sides actually.
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful human being since the beginning or the year. Then there was the corona virus all over the place but the start of the year was quite awesome.
Tip: Don't watch those depressing videos
about why 2021 is going to be as bad as 2020. It just takes all of the little excitement for having a better year (maybe).
I hope so.

I am back home but not doing very well. I had a nightmare about my parents. In my dream, they kept animals caged and it was all horrifying.. In my dream i ran away and set all animals free.
I can't deal with movies about happy families or broken families that are still more healthy and happy than mine.
I could not accept it for so long. But i start to realise that there is no family for me. I don't have a family.
I have my soulmate, my partner.
 
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