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Diagnosed in 1979 at Age 15 - Sad, Mad and Confused

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Irish, Feb 2, 2007.

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  1. Irish

    Irish New Member

    For the last 28 years, I thought that PTSD was just what they called it when you couldn't bounce right back after a traumatic experience. I have been reading up on it (almost obsessively!) for the last 2 weeks, and I am both scared to death and somewhat relieved! I sure don't need another situation in my life that I cannot control or at least have a say-so in! I have contacted a therapist who specializes in PTSD, and confided to a select few about my situation. Now, you would think I should feel good, taking positive steps in the right direction? Instead, I'm sitting here sad, mad, confused, wondering why my boyfriend thinks that fixing his piece of crap "project car" is more important than fixing the woman(helping the woman, he can't fix me-Iknow that) he wants to marry(supposedly!)!!! I need to stop now-this is not why I joined the forum. I joined for me. Sorry-I tend to shift focus alot lately. I'm really angry and hurt that he refuses to see that this is not something I can control. He seems to think I choose to trip over damn near everything he does anymore! Always on guard, don't want to fall into a sense of well-being, just to have it ripped away. Sorry, I'm really losing it tonight...
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  3. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

    hi Norma

    Welcome to the forum.. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, unfortunately I'm feeling the same way right now.. I was only diagnosed about a year ago, and am still struggling to understand it. Coping is minute by minute right now.. It sounds like your partner needs to get informed about PTSD, I printed a couple of articles about it and showed them to my husband. (I guess I needed validation from him) It seemed to help a bit, now he reads the forum to try to see where I'm coming from. Maybe it'll help you both too. Just know that you're NOT alone.. not now that you found us !! Hang in there. :wink:
  4. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

    sorry Irish

    My brain is apparently still fried since yesterday.. I typed that entry for YOU, and accidentally put Norma's name on it.. It was directed at you.. hope you're hanging in there, as we all are trying to do. :loopy:
  5. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Just wanted to welcome you to the forum.
  6. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Welcome to the forum Irish...
  7. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Welcome aboard Irish,

    I've shared those same feelings...the sad, mad, confused. Even the feelings of feeling alone, abandoned, rejected. I have had and have them all. And why must you feel good about taking your positive steps? You've said you've been reading almost obsessively here for 2 weeks. You must be taking a hell'a'va lot in. You're also realizing the severity and chronicness of the nature of PTSD, left untreated.

    I'm still new to the forum...and new to the reality of just how Real and mind-boggling this severe 'PTSD' thing is and how I've lived with it most of my life. I'm 40 this month, and was offic. diag. at age 26. Recieved therapy for about 2 1/2 yrs. with this diagnosis and still didn't understand its nature, extent and impact in my life. Personally, my memory of being diag. with it is faint...and what I do remember is that I had this vague reality with me that I had PTSD and that it was bc of my past, and after that, no longer any thoughts or idea of what the hell to do with or about it ....I just sort'a deadened myself to any real hopes of growth, or much changing from within me.

    Irish, no need to apoligize for losing it, I'm learning that it's following this very loss of control for me, that I finally am beginning to come to terms with my reality that I have had and still have PTSD. There's nothing to be ashamed of for having it, and there is hope of healing the trauma that created it.

    My best to you and I hope we here from you much, and please don't let anything I say upset you, bc I sometimes talk about myself, though I'd prefer not to, just to be honest and thoughtful, with hopes of letting others know that they're really not alone, in this.

    Irish, I imagine you may feel very scared and alone, we all do alot of the time, but all this can and does change and get better.

    Again, Welcome aboard, and glad you found us. Hope to be seeing and hearing from you on the forum.

  8. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    welcome to the forum, irish. this is a good place.
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