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Diary of a madwoman

Slushie

MyPTSD Pro
I feel it is time for me to start a diary. There's a lot that I need to deal with now. One of the most important things is to cut contact with someone who abused me when I was a child. My therapist said what I should do is send them a text or email and just say that I don't want anymore contact with them. Easy, right? Right. So. Why haven't I done it yet? It's been 2 weeks since my therapist told me how to do it. I think fear is stopping me. I do worry what my abusers reaction will be. They've been texting and emailing and calling quite persistently recently. I have not answered at all for about a week now. Seems the longer they get ignored, the more paranoid they become. And they desire to keep control of me. But they dug their own grave. None of it is my fault. I am going to do it soon.
 
Your Therapist gave you solid advice. If you really want this person/s out of your life, you have to tell them you no longer want to be in their company. A text or email, is the least intrusive way to do this. And it is the quickest because as soon as you send it, you are not obligated to respond to any further communications from them. End of story. If you continue to hesitate to take any action, you are creating a larger, more stressful situation. They will continue to try to contact you and you, in fear, will lock up over it all, which makes their attempts to communicate with you even more intense and stressful. The quicker you break ties with with them, the quicker you can back out of this issue. At least they will know you no longer want to be involved with them. Once you do this in a written form, if they continue to bug you, you can put a restraining order on them if they insist in trying to get you to respond to them.

I have stopped all contact with a family member, too. He lives out of state so it was easier to simply not respond to his emails and texts. It was a good feeling to know that I made a decision and followed through with it. It is one less stress that needs to be dealt with.

Good start with you diary. It is a great place to express yourself. It is a safe place to do so, too. I hope you find it helps you in your journey learning how to navigate the symptoms of PTSD and living a more peaceful life! I am glad you made your first entry. Let us know how your situation works out. I hope it goes well for you.
 
I agree that fear is holding you hostage, put that’s what the perps want to make sure the secret stays a secret. Cutting contact is a good place to start towards regaining your personal power. You are free to delete without reading all the texts and emails they may bombard you with. If you prepare yourself for that reaction it will be easier to keep up the boundary. Each time we exert our free will, we restore our souls bit by bit, stronger for every action we follow through with. But I certainly identify. I hold on to toxic people way too long. I’m getting better at recognizing abuse in all its various manifestations. Keep the faith and if you think it might help, write out a script of what to send. I find using my handwriting instead of typing helps me express myself better. Maybe that’s because I suck at typing, but just an idea.
 
Thank you all for your words of advice and support. I emailed them yesterday. It was short, I just told them I want no further contact with them. I thought about saying it was for my own mental well-being but I wanted to keep it short. An hour later I did get bombarded with them telling me that they don't understand and pretending to play the good guy. I didn't reply and now set all their emails to go straight to spam.

I feel some relief. This is it. I don't ever have to reply to them again. I think if they continue to pester me I will seek legal advice.
 
@Slushie you are on the right track!! I have a neighbor in my condo who has been cyber bullying me for 4 years. My Psychiatrist gave me the name of a lawyer who has been awesome. He only practices condo law, but I’m starting there and as money allows I plan to let the strong arm of the law free me from suffering. I wait so long to take action and I admire how proactive you are!!! Thank you for sharing, and I didn’t know I could get her constant barrage of emails to bypass me. She also uses the US mail to harass me. It’s truly unnerving. Stay strong and stand in your truth and if needed, the law will protect you. Namaste.
 
Thanks everyone. I'm so glad I done it. I had been dreading future get togethers with my abuser and now I don't have to worry about seeing them again. Somehow my home feels safe again, I'm a bit calmer. I hadn't realized how stressed I had been being in contact with them. This is one of the most important things I've ever done in my life. My abuser killed the person I could have been. I had some bad memories come back earlier and I just thought - no wonder I never had any self confidence. And I cried for a while, sad about that child who had no say in the matter. How very cruel my abuser is.
 
Thanks @littleoc

I spoke to my abusers sibling earlier, initially it was only to find out if they still would want to keep in touch with me. When they said yes, I just... I broke down in tears and told them about the abuse. They were shocked but quite supportive, kept on asking me if I was OK.

I do worry now though, I think they'll confront my abuser. Not sure how they'll react, I do worry slightly about my safety.

I have no suicidal thoughts and no intention to self harm or anything.

But wonder if at some point my abuser will try to harm me.
 
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