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DID DID and gender identity and orientation

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Keen

MyPTSD Pro
Anyone with DID or a dissociative disorder feel like they are non-binary (gender identity) because of their parts? Or feel that their sexual orientation is the way it is because of their parts? Its hard to tease things apart huh? To figure out if the chicken came before the egg, what caused what, what influenced what? Would I feel neither male nor female but somewhere in between if I hadn't experienced the trauma? Would I be attracted to who I am attracted to if I didn't have all these parts? Wondering if anyone can relate, have insights or thoughts that have helped them sort this out, etc.
Thanks friends.
Keen
 
early on my young adult phase, I was attracted to both (still am somewhat) even though I am married. I did not give any thoughts. However, in therapy, I am learning how maybe my trauma impacted or manifested in my sexual orientation and even gender and again I do not attach any thing to it since it is not particularly hurting. There are so many layers, but one layer I am conscious of is that I did not know who I was and I probably sought out woman to reminded me who I was and I sought men to satisfy sexual attraction and inadvertently (and unfortunately) it seems, maybe I used women sexually to find myself and it never felt so deep - cause the sex was just a means to find self-love or actual self.
This is my take today. Who knows what tomorrow's insight might be.
 
I really appreciate your thoughts @grit , I have never really thought of attraction to the same gender or sex with them as an attempt at finding your self or self-love, this is something I will need to consider about and think on, thanks for sharing these insights!
 
I really appreciate your thoughts @grit , I have never really thought of attraction to the same gender or sex with them as an attempt at finding your self or self-love, this is something I will need to consider about and think on, thanks for sharing these insights!

This is just my experience and personal subjectivity. Also there are things in my childhood sexual abuse (that I do not share here) that could be part of my thoughts of why it seemed to manifest that way.
However, I hope this is not coming off as if I am making general statement about being gay or not or fluidity of sexuality or gender. Just this is one way (of the many) that I explored my sexuality out of primitive curiosity because I was damaged as a child in some ways related to the development of my sexuality of coming age of early sexual development.

If this bit helps you great but I hope it does not confuse you or take you out of your own body/mind experience and what entails for you personally.
 
Thanks, @grit , I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and thought process because it helps me to look at my situation from new and different angles, and that helps me to be more open and flexible in my thinking. I will definitely not take it as absolute truth but use it in my efforts to process and think about my own experiences, and I appreciate you giving me something novel and potentially helpful to aid me in this process. Thanks!
 
Me personally? I don't see how csa wouldn't impact your sexuality, or gender identity.

It impacts your self concept on a really fundamental level. Add that it's sexual trauma specifically, while the brain is generating its concept of self, and what is sexually arousing - how could it not?

Doesn't make your gender identity, or your sexuality, as you see it now less valid. Just its been impacted by significant life development experiences along the way. Like everyone.

I don't think that's just a DID thing, either. But for csa victims generally.

My parts have very different sexualities. Because some of them were created specifically to deal with sex. Others have sex and gender as completely irrelevant to their identity.
 
Thanks, @Sideways , what you said makes a lot of sense that of course its impact these aspects of our lives, and that it affects any CSA survivor. And also that everyone's sense of gender and sexuality is impacted by their life development experiences, not just trauma survivors. Those are some really good points, and helpful to realize and remember.
 
I have DID and my parts have different genders and we have different opinions and feelings when it comes to sexuaity. As others have said DID or not, CSA would have impacted us and caused identity confusion when it comes to these issues.

I am also a trans-man. I believe this is a hard-wired thing for me and even if I hadn't experienced CSA I would have been. Could I be wrong? Sure. What I do know for sure is because of the CSA it took me longer to figure out my gender and come out as trans. I had to wade through a lot of other issues first. Some of my parts still identify as female and some identify as female but that's not unusual for DID.
 
Thanks for your input, @Muttly . It makes sense that CSA would add complexity to figuring out ones gender as well as DID, I'm thankful for all of you sending me these thoughts to help me look at things from a broader perspective. It also makes it confusing and complicated when different alters have different gender identities and sexualities for sure.
 
I have parts, they have different genders and sexualities. One is female, one is non-binary, the rest are male. Then there's me, the ANP confused as heck at times and kinda caught in the middle. Trying to sort through this I now identify as transmasculine which is non-binary and also reflects my male dominated system. My system is mostly bi, asexual, not interested, or straight-male. I had always liked girls, but because that wasn't okay I dissociated from that and was asexual for a long time, but after accepting I liked women those parts were able to express themselves. While I know I'm bi, having a straight-male part causes some conflict.

It is confusing and complicated.

One thing I know is that even for people without parts or trauma, gender and sexuality is still complicated and likely caused by many interlocking factors that may be near impossible to sort out. It's probably less like a chicken or the egg, and more like an omelet with shredded chicken blender and mixed together.

Some people's sexuality is fluid and that's valid too.

Someone said to me that many people with DID have different gendered parts and aren't questioning their gender. I found that helpful.

You also don't have to have it figured out. You can just accept the feelings there as real and valid and give parts that space to express themselves.
 
I'm not diagnosed did but I could if I wanted because I fit but my cPTSD is enough for me but I'm 2 people and maybe 4 if you count little me and the observer.

Girl and boy me have a combined hypersexuality that would have been fine (I think) if they could have gotten together with two bodies, but they had to share one.

So boy and girl me make love when we find someone (always a woman since I was 19) to be with us. If you can understand that lol. It took me a lifetime to figure it out.
 
One thing I know is that even for people without parts or trauma, gender and sexuality is still complicated and likely caused by many interlocking factors
One of these factors? Is the relatively recent spotlight that has been put on the concept of "gender identity", and the proliferation of labels and types designed to help people understand identify themselves, and help people around them understand them as well.

On the up side? That's quickly normalising the concept that gender identify is a complicated thing, and often as unique as the individual.

On the down side? That's quickly normalising the concept that gender identity is a complicated thing, and something that an individual needs to identify for themselves.

For me? I am what I am. Which is to say, incredibly uninterested in the shopping list of potential labels, because I don't need the confusion. When I'm attracted to someone? I'm attracted to someone. How I feel about myself at any given time, on the spectrum from masculine to feminine and everything in between and outside that spectrum? Rarely makes much difference to who I am.

I was born with female lady bits. Do I "identify" as male/female/something else? Society would reeeeeally like me to specify that right now.

But actually, those labels don't change me at all, and where I am on this 'spectrum' doesn't need to be important. For a start, it requires me to start speculating on 'masculine' and feminine' actually mean. Which leads me to stereotyping "normal" people. Which is incredibly counterproductive to me personally developing a sense of who I am.

So, yes, it's complicated. Increasingly so as that list of potential labels continue to swell. For some people, diving into that and figuring themselves out? Is a really liberating thing. But that doesn't make it necessarily important for all of us.

Because even when you've found the label that feels like it fits your self concept? That label hasn't changed who you are. It's just a label. And you can make a choice about whether you place any importance on finding the 'right' label at all.

Just because it's incredibly important to some people to find that label? Doesn't mean it needs to be important to you.

When I personally decided I really genuinely don't care what label applies to me best? That was huge weight off my shoulders. Doesn't diminish how important it is to others. Just deciding it isn't important to me.

ETA I was brought up with male and female siblings, and we shared toys, clothes, household chores. We were all taught to prioritise homework, sport, and learning to read. We were all taught to behave exactly the same way around others - please, and thank you, and 'how are you feeling' were applied exactly the same way. Both my parents worked in full time professional jobs, and both spent much of the weekend doing inside and outside household jobs. My mum knew as much about mechanics as my dad, my dad knew how to iron a shirt as well as my mum did.

It is, actually, confusing to me that for many people, gender identity is so incredibly important. Because apart from the different way our bodies worked? I never really learned that there was meaningful difference between masculine and feminine until I hit uni, where I was presented with the incredible importance of this concept by my sociology professor.

15 odd years later? I disagree with my sociology professor. Masculine and feminine are evolving concepts themselves, so the identify labels attached to them are also evolving. And it doesn't need to be important to all of us, just because it is essential for some us.
 
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