Childhood did anyone else do this after getting molested or sexually assaulted?

I feel really alone in this. I was molested and right after I masturbated for the first time in my life. It's kind of a pivotal moment when you do this for the first time. the entire experience has really messed with me. It took me a long time to tell my therapist I did this.

I asked my therapist if this was common or even anything she had heard of another kid doing. She said it was not anything she remembers learning or reading about. she then said but it makes makes perfect sense that I did what I did. that I was a kids finding out that touching those places felt good. I was in a situation were I was trying to find a way out of the discomfort and help myself. that I did a good job at protecting myself. That I did nothing wrong.

It made me feel a lot better and I understand this is my experience with the situation and my actions made sense. I still just feel really alone. if anyone has any experiences or words of wisdom on the mater it would be nice.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i don't remember well enough to say yes or no, but i know my own case resulted in hyper-sexuality, including a great deal of masturbation. my hyper-sex was seldom gratifying and it was far from unusual for me to leave a one night stand in order to satisfy myself.

for certain, weird responses to perverse stimuli don't shock me. i second your therapist's notion that you were just trying to make sense of it all and need to be gentle and tolerant with yourself in your recovery.
 

LittleBigFoot

Policy Enforcement
I don’t remember the first time I masturbated, I was too young. But, I was also molested very young and I know I masturbated throughout that time and afterwards. I do have some shame mixed up in it but not as bad as I used to because I’ve learned it is very normal. It isn’t something you’re doing wrong or bad. It just is what it is.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
I masturbated at a very young age, quite obsessively actually.

For me though, it just made me feel better. Especially when my vagina area was so swollen and had small tears in/around it,masturbating made it hurt less.
 
It just is what it is.
thank you @arfie @LittleBigFoot and @JadeB.

I'm really trying to be gentle and tolerate toward myself. I have a lot of shame around this area of my life. I really didn't understand what it was. I have always done it a lot especially as a little kid. I have even done in front of people at times because I didn't know what I was doing. Obsessively like JadeB. said.

It was how I dealt with pain and stress. It still is but I have some more coping skills now.

I'm working on having less shame about it. It's hard with trauma with it; And growing up in a high control religion that told me it was wrong.

I appreciate you just telling me your experiences.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
gentle empathy on the shame factor. that conditioning runs culture deep. most days i believe i have overcome the personal shame factor through radical acceptance. it is what it is, but i'm still very mindful of where, when and with whom i speak frankly. it is what it is.

for what it's worth
at 67, i currently have more scar tissue than healthy vaginal tissue. scar tissue is itchy, bitchy stuff. massaging the scar tissue alleviates allot of discomfort.
am i masturbating or applying holistic treatment? it is what it is, by whatever name. for sure it ain't what they show in the porno flics.
 
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