DID Did ish stuff

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A family member made a comment to me about multiple personality disorder...when I asked her if she thought I had it or something..she just looked at me funny....so I told my Therapist about it...and she said, " Sometimes you do present differently in therapy sessions." I was like what?!?!? Because she mentioned a few months back that it was possible a part of myself had integrated. But it all went back to a trauma as the reason for the comment from the family anyway...I was just explaining that it was so strange as a teen. I'd be up at 2 a.m. which I am now and can't sleep!!!! Usually i am asleep right now!!! Anyway I'd finally get to bed and wake up at 6 for school as though...I had slept all night and nothing had happened. I fully connect this now...so maybe parts have "integrated". This is all so confusing. Moreso I feel like I still have that teen part though. My therapist and I discussed this and broke some ground as more abuse was uncovered. Abuse memories that surfaced years ago had me feeling very broken, hurt, sad, and disgusted....but this particular thing surfaced just 2 days ago...has me very angry but also kind of empowered because I understand something about myself better now that I never saw before. Sorry..i am babbling. Anyone with DID or something like this please feel free to comment. Thanks. P.s. looking back I can totally tell parts of me where not "all there" in that appointment. Seems kind of foggy now. I wrote the majority of this post other day. Thought i posted it. Came back to find out it was just saved.
Brains are fluent quirky things :)

Seriously, it is not uncommon... in either D.I.D. or non D.I.D. land. People grow and change. Habits even easier so. I would start thinking of it as a part thing only after a longer time, if it poses issues, or if it is known to be a part thing for you.
I don’t have DID.

I very easily/very quickly fall into old patterns of behavior given the right circumstance.

I think that’s pretty normal?

In and of itself, at least, as people we tend to operate out of several different rulebooks. Even when we no longer have a behavior standard in our lives (say, being in university, or caring for small children after our own children are grown/older) once we’ve already established a pattern of behavior ... if we decide to go back to school, or take care of someone else’s young children for a few weeks when they’re on vacation... we very quickly fall right back into old patterns. There’s usually a little bit of friction in the beginning -when it’s been awhile- but it’s a lot like riding a bike. You still remember how to do it. Even if it takes a minute to get back in the same headspace.

One of the things about PTSD... is that when I’m up to my eyeballs in memories, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, & nightmares? I don’t actually have to BE in that situation, to start operating out of that playbook, again. That’s a big part of the problem. I’m thinking/feeling/acting like I’m in a situation I no longer am. Like crossed wires.

The big things tend to be the most obvious, but I think it would be weird -personally- for only the big things to crossover.

That’s also a trick I use... both to monitor how well/badly I’m doing... and to help circumvent it. Deliberately changing the SMALL actions (how I style my hair, what shoes I’m wearing, what time I set my alarm) that are innocuous in and of themselves, but very very indicative of certain times in my life. Nope! That was then. This? Is now.

“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” <<< I try and help that along ;)
Well lets just say....it's been going on a while. I guess with another T...I curled up in a ball in a corner and acted like I was about 4...Embarrassing? I had thought it might be a part thing...then my doctor didn't believe DID is a real dx just a severe form of ptsd...then another T started the internal family thing...and BAM left...so this T I have had about 1.5 years....I thought "we" were either integrated or really good at hiding from her? But I am starting to really trust her..but scared she will leave too. Has she seen parts of me without my knowledge? That's how it works right?
On another note she helped tremendously with trauma i previously mentioned. I discovered why doing dishes was soooo hard for me. It was related to trauma!!!! Who knew? All these years...Working through that I now have all clean dishes in my kitchen!!! New for me. My hubby has to be relieved.
If it helps any, she most likely observed different expressions, behaviors, and so on... not actually parts of you, as would not know what goes on inside someones head, unless told. :)

You make those trauma connections more easily, for you lived it, it is so many things to you that you may not even be aware of them, but for others it is a whole new land... and not easily obvious, even about things one would think ar super common and tell signs for types of trauma, works, life paths... they are not. One thing can mean a multitude.
I've got something similar going on...
Apparently it's called co-conscious structural dissociation. Or "parts", I guess. I understand it as a spectrum from having 1 part to having others that 'drive', if you will.
I'm still conscious of where, when and who I am, and what I do....
But my parts are different. They talk differently, they act and react differently, they dress differently, but I'm conscious of what's going on the whole time...
So yeah, you're not alone.
That might be it for me too Swift. I feel like in someways this coping mechanism is a super power! We just have to learn the proper time and place to use it. Lol My T I had who told me about curling into a ball like i was 4 also told me that because I learned to dissociate during trauma I was brilliant. Not sure about that. I mean...I had no where else to "go".
I think it is helpful to consider that dissociation is a spectrum. So, maybe you have parts. Maybe your parts are or are not aware of each other. But no matter what it is and what label it gets, it doesn't mean all that much. SO, the focus should be on managing your experience, not so much worrying about what it might mean.
I’d be vary wary of jumping to the conclusion that you have DID...

We all have parts of ourselves, and for those of us who have been traumatized as children, those different parts can be more evident.

People who are observant can see my different parts emerge at different times. (I do not have DID.) It can be unsettling for them as most people are pretty integrated.
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