Did it really happen?

I really don't want to trigger you, so please be careful if you're dealing with trauma from abuse and violence

Hello, I'm pretty new here and not a native English speaker so please forgive me for uncorrect spelling and grammar.

I have suffered from trauma before and I don't know why I am so afraid now. Following happened: I dealt with a childhood trauma from violence and it disabled me I some ways. I thought it was bad. But now, I got memories, feelings (both physical and psychological) and other symptoms of a different thing. And I didn't know a little bit before the images appeared.

So I got questions :

1st: Am I going crazy and my brain just makes things up by itself (unconsciously)
2nd: Can it be real even though I can't believe it and is the disbelief a sign that it is in fact real?
3rd: Can I forget a whole day/ some hours of the day it happened?

Please answer if you know something about that. I am so grateful for experiences etc.

BTW I'm very often triggered by simple things, even more with the new thing than the old one. So I got triggers, physical symptoms, flashbacks and a few memories
 
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Hi @NoIdeaWhat'sGoingOn, welcome to the forums. We don't use trigger warnings here; the entire forum would potentially be a trigger to someone, so it's pointless to mark anything out specifically.

1st: Am I going crazy and my brain just makes things up by itself (unconsciously)
You're not going crazy. It's very unlikely that your brain would make up anything to put you in such discomfort. Our brains want to work at maximum capacity; PTSD is that effort by a brain turned against itself.
2nd: Can it be real even though I can't believe it and is the disbelief a sign that it is in fact real?
Disbelief isn't a sign of anything except disbelief. But it can certainly be real anyway.
3rd: Can I forget a whole day/ some hours of the day it happened?
Yes, you absolutely can.
 

Friday

Moderator
I really don't want to trigger you, so please be careful if you're dealing with trauma from abuse and violence
From Community Constitution
MyPTSD does not use trigger warnings. Mind reading what could be a trigger for another is a negative thinking style, a problem all PTSD sufferers need to correct at some level. Whilst some view its use as a courtesy, it is impossible to know what will, or will not, trigger another person, regardless the graphic detail contained. After all, this is a space where those affected can discuss trauma and its consequences
The bolded part is my favorite. :D This is a space where those of us who have experienced trauma can discuss it freely, without hesitation, in as much -or as little- detail as we choose. No worrying about how it affects anyone else, as everyone is responsible for themselves. If something is too much for someone, they can simply page away.

1st: Am I going crazy and my brain just makes things up by itself (unconsciously)
2nd: Can it be real even though I can't believe it and is the disbelief a sign that it is in fact real?
3rd: Can I forget a whole day/ some hours of the day it happened?
Going crazy? Nope.

Brain making things up? That can happen. Brains are hardwired to “fill in the gaps”, and under pressure or influence, so often do so, that eyewitness testimony is the least reliable, to flat out unreliable. 10 people can see the same car, and it will be described as 10 different cars, 10 different colors, 10 different numbers & descriptions of passengers... and no one at all remembers the moonwalking bear & guy in a gorilla suit doing the tango on the sidewalk.

Things from childhood are often especially ...flexible... because brains aren’t fully formed, yet, and children are still learning to process what they’re seeing/experiencing. Even in completely non-traumatic circumstances, when looked back upon as an adult? Can be a complete mind-f*ck, as what one remembers happening, seen through adult eyes? Completely changes things. And then there are things kid-brains do, that adult brains simply aren’t capable of. As an example? In my memories I feel like my dad was almost always around, even though I know -intellectually- that he was gone 6-9 months a year. How is that possible? My mom talked about him, brought him into our lives, every single day. So my memories include him, when in reality he was thousands of miles away. Right down to physically SEEING him, remembering what he was doing, what he said, what he smelled like, etc., during times he simply wasn’t there. Both during good memories -when my mom was talking about how happy he’d be I “remember” him being happy; and bad memories, when something scary happened, and I wanted my daddy. Memories? Especially childhood memories, are quirky.

Can it be real even though I can't believe it... Yep.

...and is the disbelief a sign that it is in fact real? No way to know.

Can I forget a whole day/ some hours of the day it happened? Easily. In fact, more common than remembering everything.

BTW I'm very often triggered by simple things, even more with the new thing than the old one. So I got triggers, physical symptoms, flashbacks and a few memories
You’d probably find this article very useful >>> Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger?
 
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