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Difficulties with crying

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flowerapple

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Hi. I don't know why but I don't cry. I mean I really can't cry. This makes it hard for me because sometimes I really want to cry and I can't, which doesn't sound like a problem, except it just makes me feel even more stuck because I can't even get my tears out. No matter what I do it just won't happen. Watching sad movies and reading to sad stories and listening to sad songs don't help either. I can feel like I want to cry, and I can feel like they are right there in my eyes ready to go, but they just won't flow.

I know it sounds weird. I just end up feeling like a monster because you should be able to cry. Even when I am depressed and I'm having flashbacks and just can't stop thinking about what has happened, I just can't cry, the closest I get is when my nose feeling a tiny bit runny.

The last time I cried was 3 years ago when my grandmother died and again at her funeral. But I had to try so hard for that to happen. I remember looking at everyone else crying and I just felt so bad about myself and jealous at the same time that I was so heartless I couldn't even cry. I had to keep mumbling it under my breath that she was dead before a few tears came out. It's not that I didn't feel bad or miss her, but the tears just wouldn't come.

And I can't remember crying before that, not even when my trauma was happening. I felt sad and wanted to cry, but I never did. I mean maybe I did then, and I just can't remember it because there are some stuff about it that I don't remember but for the most part I didn't.

Anyways, I was just wondering if it's just me who has this problem of not being able to cry, or if other people have the same problem. I tried googling it but I just kept finding things about crying too much. Thanks.
 
I was just wondering if it's just me who has this problem of not being able to cry, or if other people have the same problem.

I don’t cry as a rule, but also wouldn’t consider it a problem; however I also don’t consider not crying to be a sign of heartlessness or being a monster (I’ve known more heartless monsters wailing and sobbing than I care to remember); nor does crying ever make me feel better. Crying just makes me feel infinitely worse. No matter how bad a situation is? Crying about it just makes it suck harder. I hate it.

Until a few years ago I’d cried 7 times in my adult life (roughly 20 years). I could literally tick them off on my fingers. Fortunately, my baseline of no tears has returned as my symptoms have gotten more in check.

So if crying is something you enjoy doing? I would suspect that -like a lot of things we enjoy doing, that just don’t work right when highly symptomatic- it will return to baseline, for you, too.
 
So if crying is something you enjoy doing? I would suspect that -like a lot of things we enjoy doing, that just don’t work right when highly symptomatic- it will return to baseline, for you, too.


It's not that I enjoy crying, but I just don't remember doing it that much, like maybe 5 times or so. But I just feel like it would help, or at least im hoping it would help, I don't know. It's just that I haven't tried it and I heard that crying is cathartic and makes you feel better after.
 
I lost the ability to cry for something like 8 years when I was younger. It wasn't so much that I wanted to, but there were times when I got so stuck inside my own head and was convinced that it would help if I could that it felt awful. I just wanted some kind of release.

I still don’t cry like other people, but I can cry now. Therapy’s helped, mostly. Weird thing is I’m more likely to cry at a sad movie or book than I am events in my own life.

It happens. I stopped crying because the last time I did something, traumatic happened because I was crying. But it came back in the end. And in the meantime I found other ways of getting that feeling out, like writing or drawing, or going for a really long walk.
 
I still don’t cry like other people, but I can cry now. Therapy’s helped, mostly.

I’m glad to know it can help. I just feel like it’s all trapped inside. I’ve been wanting to tell my therapist for a while but I just feel like she might think I’m heartless.

I stopped crying when I realized how useless it was and I thought it was just pathetic for me to cry. But now I kinda want to.
 
I am not a cryer either. That was considered 'weakness' by one of my abusers. And, like you, I really wanted to on many occasions that truly warranted tears. In the few times I did when younger, it wasn't worth the consequences. But anger took its place. The other end of the spectrum I guess.

Tears still do not come easily for me. Sometimes it is a fantastic release, other times I only feel worse. But I promise you, you are NOT an unfeeling monster.

I am glad to see you are not afraid to cry and that you see it as healthy. It certainly can be. As you go forward on your healing journey, the tears will come. And again, there is nothing WRONG with you because you can't cry right now. Glad you shared about this. We need to know that we are ok and not some mutant that is less than human. You are human. It will happen.
 
Not crying does not mean you don't care. I didn't cry when my brother died for several days, so you are not alone in that. It kind of sounds like it might be a medical issue. Sometimes tear ducts can get sort of clogged. Consider having that checked. In the meantime, just know you are a very caring person. When in public settings, like a funeral, maybe take a tissue and dab at your eyes so others will think you are crying with them. Prayers for peace about this for you.
 
It’s not just you. I can’t cry either. I did cry at my last therapy session for a good 5 min, but it’s been months of pain with no crying at all.
In my case, I think I dissociate from the trauma. I hover on the surface-outside looking in. I feel like I felt back then, while it was happening. I didn’t cry then either.
I know that I am reliving my trauma. I just hope I can learn to channel my rage into something, anything constructive.
I keep looking for signs of what possible outlets might be but so far coming up short.
Do you feel angry too, or numb?
 
Do you feel angry too, or numb?

I mostly feel numb, but I do from time to time feel angry. But I find that I am not really angry at them, so much as I am angry with myself for repeatedly putting myself in situations like that where those things can happen to me. I occasionally would be angry at them, and then when I notice, I get angry at myself for feeling that way. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.
 
But I find that I am not really angry at them, so much as I am angry with myself for repeatedly putting myself in situations like that where those things can happen to me.
I completely understand this. In my case I feel rage at myself for being so flawed that people would have done what they did to me. It wasn’t happening to other kids, so I must have been real shit.
I am not out of this stage yet. An entire life feeling “faulty”, but I am guessing it’s a part of recovery - learning to release that self loathing and moving forward in some constructive direction.
My therapist keeps asking me to think of ways I can start releasing the trapped energy that is constructive. I used to do martial arts, but now my body is too damaged from it - shoulder dislicates anytime I throw a punch, knees with no cartilage.
I’m thinking that helping teens is something I should focus on more. I am a teacher and pretty good with kids, but lately have been going through too much to do the kid interactions justice. Maybe it gave me more than I thought in terms of channeling my energy for good and feeling some release in the process.
Maybe you have something like that - where you thought you were giving, but it was actually also giving back to you....
 
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