Sexual Assault Dirty Feeling

A

Anónima

How can I get rid of the feeling of being dirty after experiencing sexual violence? I don't mean feeling guilty, but to feel that my body is dirty and impure. I constantly feel like I have to wash myself to get rid of the sensation of contact with my abuser
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
The only way is by shifting your perspective on what "dirty" and "impure" mean - or on how those words are applied situationally. For me, I do not believe human beings are capable of being sexually dirty or impure, and if one feels that way it is because of trauma, not because it is a fact.

Due to my abuse I can get trapped in the cycle of thinking that I am inhuman - beyond inhuman, that I am actually not sentient at all. But I am human and sentient. And it is not possible for me to be non-human, or non-sentient. That is a trauma response, it is not reality.

Same thing goes for concepts like this. They're not actually meaningful (what does "being sexually impure" even mean? Why does it even matter? Why do we penalize and persecute and even harm and kill people over it?) they are just your perception of being traumatized.
 

Blueseal78

New Here
How can I get rid of the feeling of being dirty after experiencing sexual violence? I don't mean feeling guilty, but to feel that my body is dirty and impure. I constantly feel like I have to wash myself to get rid of the sensation of contact with my abuser
Hello, I can really relate to this as I feel exactly the same. I had multiple abusers and they each in turn have left me feeling dirty and impure. After years have gone by I still cant wash myself enough, still feel dirty and unclean. I know I'm not but that's the way it is for me. I don't know how not to fee like this. I suppose what they did was dirty and wrong so I associate my private areas as being so now. I cant stand sex at the moment at all and its always been a problem to me, not only the acts but thinking I'm not clean enough to even be doing anything sexual. I get flashbacks of sights and smells and it makes it all worse. Sorry got no answers, just wanted you to know you're not alone with this. Take care.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know if this is the same for you, but I blamed my genitals and hated them. It wasn't so much that I felt/feel dirty but that I felt/feel wrong. My genitals allowed it to happen.
Working with a therapist to move the blame onto the abusers really helped. And also working through shame.
Still a work in progress.
But slowly, by trying to 'reclaim' my body is helping.
Doing things to make me feel proud of my body (like exercise - a challenge though as exercise has been triggering at times).
Trying to see my body in different ways.
As me.
As mine.
As something I can control.
As something to take care of.
 

No More

New Here
Yea I get you. I bled during mine and I constantly feel filthy and sometimes I’ll have the sensation of something running down my legs. I feel contaminated and gross and like if anyone touches me they’ll be dirty too. I’ve never worked up how to discuss it, so I don’t know how to deal with it but yeah, you aren’t alone.
 
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