Discipline= I have everything under control

Rani G

MyPTSD Pro
Downspiraling since a couple of weeks...

Discipline is a thing I'm somewhat good at. Grew up with military ideals, Catholic boarding school ect..
I need a clean apartment, the household done, sport, healthy food. I got a spinal disc prolapse while doing weight training in August, and I didnt allow myself to relax and ran to work popping pills..( I shouldve known better). Now, my pain has lessend but I'm depressed and weak. I eat loads of sweets (Which I havent done for a long time)I have put on weight...this is not a behaviour I can deal with. I always, always have control!
This could be a moment to sit back and let things be, the household isnt perfect,My bathroom isnt the cleanest, I dont drink my detox juice and I Dont have the perfect looks... What am I going to face? Ah good old feelings... here they come.

So why am i writing this thread? .because to be in this state of mind is scary...
 

Freida

Sponsor
This could be a moment to sit back and let things be, the household isnt perfect,My bathroom isnt the cleanest, I dont drink my detox juice and I Dont have the perfect looks... What am I going to face? Ah good old feelings... here they come.
Yep -- I had a similar background. Everything neat and tidy was the best way to lead to organization and then to success.

now? It took a long time to realize that not mopping the floors every day or cleaning baseboards or washing windows wasn't somehow going to derail my career/life/marriage/what not. And guess what? The world didn't explode. Who knew?! I still keep things tidy, but I'm slowly giving up the idea that I get extra points for perfection,
 

Rani G

MyPTSD Pro
Everything neat and tidy was the best way to lead to organization and then to success.

[email protected]

I feel I‘m putting a great deal of effort into creating a sideshow, I build walls and fences, in order not to feel. I woke up today, saw my face and feel that I‘ve ignored my appearance, my teeth look yellowish, I have slightly bad skin, clothes are laying on the floor...my husband cleans a bit, but this is not enough, I woke up cleaned for two hours, throwed my sweets away, made an appointment by the dentist...this again, is to have myself under control, because I don’t ever, ever accept neglection. This can also become pathological, so I must find middle ground. Family is coming for a visit, and I must look good, because this is also something I‘m always trying to show, „Look at me, I don’t let myself down and I do things“..I come off arrogant at times, because this was always seen as strength, or maybe I believe it to be. Behind all of this is just a huge void so there is no real strength.

I need to check with T, because I will crash again, and then I won’t be able to get up again so quickly.
 
I too get this control thing. Upbringing again :rolleyes:

I think sometimes I grip onto control and self-discipline too hard because I'm afraid of the alternative? Idk... Being out of control is so scary. I don't like to be scared.

Trying 'not to let perfection get in the way of good"... Is hard...

so I must find middle ground.

^ When you find this place please send me the directions lol...
 
Downspiraling since a couple of weeks...

Discipline is a thing I'm somewhat good at. Grew up with military ideals, Catholic boarding school ect..
I need a clean apartment, the household done, sport, healthy food. I got a spinal disc prolapse while doing weight training in August, and I didnt allow myself to relax and ran to work popping pills..( I shouldve known better). Now, my pain has lessend but I'm depressed and weak. I eat loads of sweets (Which I havent done for a long time)I have put on weight...this is not a behaviour I can deal with. I always, always have control!
This could be a moment to sit back and let things be, the household isnt perfect,My bathroom isnt the cleanest, I dont drink my detox juice and I Dont have the perfect looks... What am I going to face? Ah good old feelings... here they come.

So why am i writing this thread? .because to be in this state of mind is scary...
Control is an illusion, its a reflexion of your anxiety. What will happen if its not perfect?
 

Friday

Moderator
You probably know this about the sugar... but injured bodies crave sugar in order to manufacture endorphins, to help with pain management. (Also why opiate addicts crave sugar, brain is demanding it).

A sugar packet is only about 35kcal, compared to a pastry that’s several hundred to a thousand or more kcal. Similarly, a hard candy to suck on is about 10-50kcal, vs a bag of chew & swallow candies to eat at several hundred plus. So, as you’re dealing with long term healing from injury? Sugar packets & suckers are your friends. Seems counterintuitive to actually carry around straight sugar (I prefer turbinado sugar, as the large grains take longer to dissolve) and a handful of hard butterscotch or similar when you’re eating too much sugar... but it’s a question of volume. Sugars absorb directly through the lining of the mouth, so as you’re sucking on the candy or melting a sugar packet in your mouth... you’ll feel your brain relax it’s MORE POWER! I NEED MORE POWER death grip screaming for cream cheese danishes, and eclairs, and kids cereals (chocolate frosted sugar bombs), and chocolates, and fruit/jam/juice, and all things simple carbs, and, and, and... ahhhhhhh. 10 calorie butterscotch. Phew! That feels better. And will... for the next hour as it hangs out in my cheek. Okay. I can cope with an extra 200 kCal a day spread out across 15-20 hours awake? Piece of cake. Totally manageable.

^^^ I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but every little thing helps, sometimes.
 
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You probably know this about the sugar... but injured bodies crave sugar in order to manufacture endorphins, to help with pain management. (Also why opiate addicts crave sugar, brain is demanding it).

A sugar packet is only about 35kcal, compared to a pastry that’s several hundred to a thousand or more kcal. Similarly, a hard candy to suck on is about 10-50kcal, vs a bag of chew & swallow candies to eat at several hundred plus. So, as you’re dealing with long term healing from injury? Sugar packets & suckers are your friends. Seems counterintuitive to actually carry around straight sugar (I prefer turbinado sugar, as the large grains take longer to dissolve) and a handful of hard butterscotch or similar when you’re eating too much sugar... but it’s a question of volume. Sugars absorb directly through the lining of the mouth, so as you’re sucking on the candy or melting a sugar packet in your mouth... you’ll feel your brain relax it’s MORE POWER! I NEED MORE POWER death grip screaming for cream cheese danishes, and eclairs, and kids cereals (chocolate frosted sugar bombs), and chocolates, and fruit/jam/juice, and all things simple carbs, and, and, and... ahhhhhhh. 10 calorie butterscotch. Phew! That feels better. And will... for the next hour as it hangs out in my cheek. Okay. I can cope with an extra 200 kCal a day spread out across 15-20 hours awake? Piece of cake. Totally manageable.

^^^ I know this is a small thing in the overall picture, but every little thing helps, sometimes.
f*ckin right, thats good info. I didn't know that. Thanks for sharing.
 
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