Disease and PTSD

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
I often feel positive tending to my mental list of gratitude (several times a day). As well, I often spend time offering love, light and prayers to those many critical situations world wide. But there are times, like in this moment, that I am bested by my PTSD, family of origin counter moves and my Ménière’s Ear Disease. So weary: over week long episodes.

So I fumbled into the forum, medicated (prescribed) to the hilt and realized that my cataracts weren’t helping the matter neither- (if I could stop disassociating long enough to post). ? < laughing at myself which is sooo much better than what I felt before I came. Will try later... good to pop in among those who walk the walk.


Love to the group. Thank you for listening and stay well.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
It has been 12 days now of a solid, full ranging onset of symptoms from the Ménière’s balance concern. I have a few hours among the day with reprieving minimal vertigo. But mostly I am trying to regulate through meds, rest, meditation, easing the panic attack, stopping the cascade of depressive, negative or intrusive thoughts and dealing with the drop-attacks from the disease.

My PTSD has been amped (as I am sure many of us have been) since the new normal took place and world politics moved forward. So this is the second reoccurrence of an extended Ménière’s episode within 4months. I become frightened for when the vertigo is full blown for there is no point of reference insofar as where I am. The swirling is so intense both vertical and horizontal that I loose my sense of self (and various other things). With narcotics, it slows in a few hours and I continue pumping in less serious scripts to quiet the remaining jolts of alternative reality. But it is ever ready to reappear without warning nor provocation. This time the disease is becoming my lingering uninvited guest.

So it is difficult to know sometimes, which triggers first- the PTSD hence disease flair up or the disease triggering PTSD. I am not sure if it matters, but with so little reserve of energy during the inthrows , I was wondering if anyone else whom battles with disease, ect might offer tips they found or areas that allow an easier recovery or at least towards a remission of less symptoms In PTSD w/disease.

I know it may be personal and thank you anyway for your consideration if it is too hard to offer. I have a T, a slew of Drs but it is those of us, that walk the walk that truly know from experience.

So how do you cope with disease+PTSD? Is it hourly, daily, or something else that helps? ?, light to those in need
 

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
@Recovery4Me I'm so sorry you're experiencing a flare up, and I hope it subsides soon. I don't have the same illness as you, but I have a condition that causes dizziness and increased heart rate, and brain fog. I also have occasionally severe chronic pain. Medication has helped me the most. I think radical acceptance is helpful too. I find I have the biggest issues when I resist what is happening to me. When I can accept it, it starts to lessen its hold on me. Sending you healing and love.
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
radical acceptance is helpful too. I

Thank you so much for the unconditional support with the personal share. As well, I offer my respect for what you endure plus the wisdom that you shared. I can see how much ‘work’ you have placed within the process of Therapy’s journey. ??

Radical acceptance is indeed what my Therapist keeps coaching and I occasionally succeed. It is challenging for me to know the point of letting go, inorder to accept the present rotations of symptoms. Normally these bouts were episodic not concurrent. I have accepted that I need assistance at home and am in the process of navigating that move forward. My vertigo, migraines and fatigue have been a constant, triggering hypervigilance plus disassociation. But in this moment (and many others) I keep my depression at bay. Hope is essential.

So if you want to share more thoughts...I will listen. Thank you for your offer.

@Ronin one arm opened hug and unconditional love.

@HealingMama Thank you. ?
 

Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
@HealingMama … just saw my question marks wedged within my sentences. It was unintentional lol. When I have my episodes of vertigo and have trouble stabilizing my gait , the keyboard is hard to read and I fat finger. So please accept any apology if necessary. Thanks.

~~~~~

Remission is a beautiful thing and I had a fair amount of freedom after this post. Then of late, it came back to remind me of acceptance, patience and gratitude. I was wondering if anyone could share if they understand how their disease is prompted into full swing?

***Does your PTSD Episodes trigger your disease or do you find your disease triggers your PTSD? It does matter to me, honest.

I ask because, I want a realistic plan of attack for this ball of wax if possible. I can’t handle full swing everything all together: I don’t expect to. However, it is hard to know how to change the variables in the landslide equation.
***If anyone has experience please share. Thanks.

The first thing that I am working on is my fear. I heard this in a movie and decided to use it for a while,
”The Danger is real but fear is a choice. “
For me, with PTSD…I guess I can use - the danger maybe real but my fear is a choice. Got to go…vertigo…
 

grief

Sponsor
i view them as inseparable. it took a very long, long, long, long-you get it-time, for me to actually grasp what to even do about it. not to kill myself, sure. or that i had any kind of hope or any kind of future or any kind of anything. self-esteem? gone. the image of myself as worthless was almost completely cemented into my brain in technicolor flashbulbs.

most of that is the media and popular mythology which has thankfully become more and more false as medical advancements accelerate. this is something that everybody is afraid of, everybody makes jokes about, and nobody takes seriously until it is too late.

even though i am completely stable and managed and could pretty much do what i want when i want, according to my doctor, i still do not feel “free.” there is a sense of freedom that a well person has that a sick person does not have and it is variable in terms of how much your illness takes from you your freedom to do things, but when it comes to HIV, that is a very long, very restricted list of freedoms.

and when you are fifteen that is a very difficult thing to come to terms with, especially if you are not the most well-adjusted individual to begin with (and most of us who contract this disease generally do so because we are not well adjusted, we lack support, we live in poverty, we are addicts of some kind, or we are abuse victims, or we are victims of our circumstances that we cannot control at all).

most people do not get HIV by accident. it’s certainly not an intentional practice by far (again, most of what you hear about this is mythology, not reality. 99% of human beings do not want to get this disease.) but the circumstances of an individual’s life that predict HIV are often something that could be avoided with compassionate intervention, this is just not done, because our society is very far from healed.

although it no longer impacts my life to the degree that it once did nor consumes my every waking thought nor requires more of my health than i am afraid of giving up, i do not think i could separate my disease from PTSD. i obtained it from abuse, i was abused because of it, and discriminated against, and bullied, and it is interwoven into the fabric that makes up who i am as much as PTSD is.

they are not the same thing, there are distinctions, but often those distinctions fail to matter when push comes to shove. both are very stressful, very damaging, very permanent changes to one’s life and having PTSD has affected my disease management (don’t think about it, don’t talk about it, don’t care about it, miss doctor’s appointments, skip meals, skip medications-) and having HIV has affected my PTSD management because it affects my time, and my body, and my health, and it makes everything that could otherwise be easy, into a strenuous and thought-out master heist.

hopefully you do not feel that i have monopolized your thread too greatly but the question posed was certainly interesting. i am curious to meet these rare individuals who do not consider their physical health and mental health within the same woven tapestry.
 
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Freddyt

Confident
So it is difficult to know sometimes, which triggers first- the PTSD hence disease flair up or the disease triggering PTSD. I am not sure if it matters, but with so little reserve of energy during the inthrows , I was wondering if anyone else whom battles with disease, ect might offer tips they found or areas that allow an easier recovery or at least towards a remission of less symptoms In PTSD w/disease.

I know it may be personal and thank you anyway for your consideration if it is too hard to offer. I have a T, a slew of Drs but it is those of us, that walk the walk that truly know from experience.

So how do you cope with disease+PTSD? Is it hourly, daily, or something else that helps? ?, light to those in need
Good question. I have a couple additional problems, Addison's disease and thyroid problems that go hand in hand. In the year before I was diagnosed with PTSD I was having Thyroid problems which, looking back, probably delayed my realizing something else was wrong. Problems with thyroid cause problems with Addisons and since there are a slew of shared symptoms (brain fog, memory, light sensitvity, for instance) that may be worse but I don't know because the Addison's was discovered first.

The best I know right now is be honest with yourself about what you can do. I used to just push through and after today's therapy session I see the damage I did to my head by not being honest with myself about where my limits were at times. How in my head "I just need o get this done!" ended in disaster.

Both PTSD and Addisons conditions work together to increase stress in both body and mind in my case. Failing to realize I need more cortone {cortisone) in a day is a bad bad thing. The physical effects are like falling off a cliff, blood pressure drops, sweating, shaking, confusion, brain fog, the sh#ts, headache and more, the real name is an Addison's crises. It adds both mental and physical stress.

There isn't much difference in your head between mental and physical stress from both conditions, its just stress I am learning absolute honesty with myself about how I feel and where my physical and mental anxiety level really is are keys for me.

So sometimes stuff doesn't get done, appointments are missed, and sh*t just happens. I need to be a little selfish, and its me first.
 
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Recovery4Me

MyPTSD Pro
hopefully you do not feel that i have monopolized your thread too greatly

Actually I was sad with you remembering what it had been like growing up in a major city ghetto among pregnant or raped tweens while the HIV in that city was one of the highest at that time within the USA. I remember … and thank you for offering part of your journey. It takes a certain strength and always a cost to survive within poverty. Respect, and a nod of silent understanding.

There isn't much difference in your head between mental and physical stress from both conditions

Very wise words as well as inspirational. Thank you so much for your thoughts.


@Friday love your new avatar and thanks for the info above.
 

Freddyt

Confident
Very wise words as well as inspirational. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
Actually I got a ton of information about that from a recently released book Healing With Cannabis. (that's the only time that stuff is mentioned in this thread)

The function of anandamide (an endocannabinoid, meaning cannabinoid made by your body) as a buffer to trauma and stress in the amygdala is just beginning to be understood. They are now however beginning to understand that with trauma that buffer system gets shocked and may not recover.
There is a body of work now that suggests anandamide and 2-AG (another endocannabinoid) are used in important ways that are relevant to how you turn off the stress response. They are also starting to find people with trauma may actually suffer Endocannabinoid System Collapse and have a lower than normal number of endocannabinoid receptors as well as lower anandamide and 2-AG levels.

What I read is: Trauma + shock to the endocannabinoid system = Reduced buffer to stress and reduced ability to turn off the stress response.

I now understand too that my Addison's is a direct result of that stress. It goes like this: Brain - "We can't be hurt this bad for this long and still be alive." Hormones - "We still see stress hormones keep pumping out the cortone (cortisone) to help restore homeostasis". Brain - "You must be wrong I am going to fix this by creating antibody and getting rid of the excess cortone." And I became immune to myself.....
 
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