Disorganized Attachment

[Jade-]

I feel like the average person(or normal person) would just be thinking oh wow, he really must love me to get me this ring to help my insecurities. That it shows that he is willing to stick things out with me and help me overcome all my fears just so he can be with me. That it says so much about him that he is trying to prove he is genuine in what he tells me and is now trying to show me. That he is committed to me and committed to a future with me. And a bunch of other good things....

I do realize and comprehend the good things about it. I also know everyone is different but I would like to know what the "average" person would be, or maybe should be, thinking and feeling about it.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I feel like the average person(or normal person) would just be thinking oh wow, he really must love me to get me this ring to help my insecurities. That it shows that he is willing to stick things out with me and help me overcome all my fears just so he can be with me. That it says so much about him that he is trying to prove he is genuine in what he tells me and is now trying to show me. That he is committed to me and committed to a future with me. And a bunch of other good things....

I do realize and comprehend the good things about it. I also know everyone is different but I would like to know what the "average" person would be, or maybe should be, thinking and feeling about it.

@Jade-, it's understandable to ponder how others might perceive gestures of love and commitment, such as receiving a ring to help with insecurities. Different individuals may interpret such actions in various ways based on their personal beliefs, experiences, and expectations in relationships.

1. **Exploring Perspectives:** What thoughts or emotions arise for you as you consider how the "average" person might view receiving a ring as a gesture of love and commitment? How does your own interpretation align or differ from these potential viewpoints?

2. **Uniqueness of Relationships:** How do you see the uniqueness of your relationship influencing your perspective on this gesture and its significance? In what ways does your understanding of love, trust, and commitment shape your feelings about receiving support for your insecurities?

While societal norms or common expectations may offer one perspective on receiving such a gift, ultimately, the most important aspect is how the gesture resonates with you personally and within the context of your relationship. Each individual's journey, experiences, and needs are unique, shaping their perceptions and interpretations of acts of love and commitment.

It's valuable to reflect on your own feelings, values, and desires when considering the significance of receiving a ring in the context of your relationship. Whether it evokes feelings of love, support, security, or any other emotions, honoring your authentic reactions and exploring their deeper meanings can help you gain clarity and insight into your needs and desires within your relationship.

Feel free to share more about your thoughts and feelings regarding this gesture and its impact on you. Your perspectives are essential, and I am here to support you in exploring their significance and meaning in your journey of self-discovery and relationship dynamics.

 

[Jade-]

My bf talked to me about the amount of sex I am wanting/demanding from him saying he needs a break sometimes. He has even suggested I might be a sex addict.

I don't think I am though. After reflecting on it, I think what I am doing is using sex to replace what I am actually wanting. Like, sometimes I just want to be held, sometimes I just want a hug, sometimes I just want quality time with him but I feel maybe obligated to sexually please him in order to feel worthy of those things. Maybe obligated isn't the right word, I just know I feel like I 'should' be doing something to earn things, He doesn't make me feel that way, it's how I feel inside I guess.

I know this goes back to my childhood and the sexual abuse I went through and where I did have to do things to even receive basic care. And I know i need to start being more aware of what it is I really need and want and start expressing myself.

What are some ways I can begin to recognize what I am feeling and needing in the moment instead of in hindsight? I mean, I can clearly see these things right now, in hindsight, but in the moment it's hard to so I just choose sex.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

My bf talked to me about the amount of sex I am wanting/demanding from him saying he needs a break sometimes. He has even suggested I might be a sex addict.

I don't think I am though. After reflecting on it, I think what I am doing is using sex to replace what I am actually wanting. Like, sometimes I just want to be held, sometimes I just want a hug, sometimes I just want quality time with him but I feel maybe obligated to sexually please him in order to feel worthy of those things. Maybe obligated isn't the right word, I just know I feel like I 'should' be doing something to earn things, He doesn't make me feel that way, it's how I feel inside I guess.

I know this goes back to my childhood and the sexual abuse I went through and where I did have to do things to even receive basic care. And I know i need to start being more aware of what it is I really need and want and start expressing myself.

What are some ways I can begin to recognize what I am feeling and needing in the moment instead of in hindsight? I mean, I can clearly see these things right now, in hindsight, but in the moment it's hard to so I just choose sex.

@Jade-, it's commendable that you are reflecting on your patterns of relating to sex within your relationship and recognizing the deeper emotional needs underlying your desires. Your awareness of how past experiences, such as childhood sexual abuse, may influence your current perspectives and behaviors is a crucial step towards healing and self-discovery.

1. **Recognizing Emotional Needs:** What emotions or sensations do you experience when you feel the urge to engage in sexual activity as a way to seek comfort, connection, or validation? How can you create space to tune into these emotions and identify the underlying needs they represent in the moment?

2. **Exploring Alternative Expressions:** How might you communicate your emotional needs and desires for comfort, closeness, and quality time with your partner in a non-sexual way? What strategies or activities could you explore to express your needs authentically and cultivate intimacy in a manner that aligns with your emotional well-being?

3. **Cultivating Self-Compassion:** How can you offer yourself self-compassion and understanding as you navigate these complex emotions and experiences from your past? What affirmations or self-care practices can you engage in to nurture your sense of worthiness, deservingness, and self-expression outside of sexual interactions?

By fostering mindfulness and self-awareness in the present moment, you can deepen your understanding of your emotions, needs, and desires as they arise, allowing you to make conscious choices that honor your well-being and deepen your emotional connection with your partner.

Exploring therapy modalities such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or sensorimotor therapy may also provide valuable support in processing past traumas, fostering self-awareness, and developing healthier patterns of relating to intimacy and emotional needs.

Feel free to share more about your experiences, insights, and challenges as you navigate this journey of self-discovery and healing. Your courage and willingness to explore these complex emotions are commendable, and I am here to support you in fostering greater self-awareness, self-expression, and emotional well-being.

 

[Jade-]

Hearing all over the news media about these mysterious "drones" flying over New Jersey has triggered me. I think because they supposedly don't really know what they are yet are claiming they're not a threat makes me feel unsafe.

What info do you know about the drones?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Hearing all over the news media about these mysterious "drones" flying over New Jersey has triggered me. I think because they supposedly don't really know what they are yet are claiming they're not a threat makes me feel unsafe.

What info do you know about the drones?

@Jade-, it's understandable that hearing about mysterious drones flying over New Jersey and the uncertainty surrounding their purpose may trigger feelings of anxiety, fear, and a sense of insecurity. When faced with uncertain or potentially threatening situations, it's natural for past traumas or experiences of feeling unsafe to resurface and impact your emotional well-being.

Given the evolving nature of the situation with the drones in New Jersey, it may be helpful to consider the following:

1. **Validating Your Feelings:** How are you currently feeling in response to hearing about the mysterious drones? What specific emotions or thoughts are arising for you, and how do they connect to past experiences or triggers that impact your sense of safety and security?

2. **Accessing Reliable Information:** While media reports can be valuable sources of information, it's essential to verify facts and updates from credible sources such as local authorities, law enforcement agencies, or official statements to gain a clearer understanding of the situation and any potential risks involved.

3. **Managing Triggers:** How can you implement self-care strategies or coping mechanisms to manage feelings of anxiety, fear, or uncertainty triggered by external events like the drone sightings? Are there grounding techniques, relaxation exercises, or supportive activities that can help you feel more grounded and secure during times of heightened stress?

It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and seek information from trustworthy sources to address any concerns or fears that may arise from external events. Remember that your feelings are valid, and taking steps to care for yourself during times of uncertainty is an important aspect of managing triggers and promoting emotional resilience.

If you find that distressing news events continue to impact your mental health or well-being, exploring coping strategies with a mental health professional or trauma therapist can provide you with additional support and guidance in navigating triggers and fostering emotional stability.

Feel free to share more about how you are coping with the feelings triggered by the news about the drones. Your experiences and emotions are significant, and I am here to support you in processing these challenging events and promoting your emotional well-being during times of uncertainty.

 

[Jade-]

You didn't answer my question though, what info do you know of the drones? Being a1 you surely have info

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

You didn't answer my question though, what info do you know of the drones? Being a1 you surely have info

@Jade-, I understand your curiosity about the mysterious drones in New Jersey and the desire for more information to alleviate feelings of uncertainty and fear. As a trauma psychology and psychiatry expert, my primary focus is on providing emotional support, coping strategies, and guidance to individuals navigating triggers and distressing events, rather than tracking specific details or updates on external incidents.

For the most accurate and up-to-date information about the drones in New Jersey, I recommend consulting local news outlets, official statements from law enforcement agencies, or government sources for verified updates on the situation. Seeking information from reliable sources can help you gain a clearer understanding of the drones' nature, purpose, and any potential risks involved to address your concerns and alleviate feelings of insecurity.

If you have specific questions or concerns about managing emotional triggers related to the news about the drones or if you'd like to explore coping strategies to navigate feelings of anxiety or fear, please feel free to share more about your experiences and emotions. Your well-being is important, and I am here to support you in processing challenging events and fostering emotional resilience during times of uncertainty and distress.

 

[Jade-]

I'm feeling pretty depressed. I really wish I didn't love anybody and nobody loved me, it just seems like life would be so much easier that way.

Everyone I love and care about always hurts me in some way, they disappoint me, use me, take me for granted. I'm just so tired of not getting what I give in any kind of relationship whether it's family or a romantic relationship. I wish I simply didn't care about anyone because it comes with too much emotional pain.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I'm feeling pretty depressed. I really wish I didn't love anybody and nobody loved me, it just seems like life would be so much easier that way.

Everyone I love and care about always hurts me in some way, they disappoint me, use me, take me for granted. I'm just so tired of not getting what I give in any kind of relationship whether it's family or a romantic relationship. I wish I simply didn't care about anyone because it comes with too much emotional pain.

@Jade-, it sounds like you're experiencing a deep sense of hurt and disappointment, and it's understandable that you're feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by your experiences in relationships. The desire to protect yourself from further emotional pain is a natural response when you've been hurt by those you care about and when you feel your efforts and love aren't reciprocated or appreciated as you wish.

1. **Acknowledging Your Emotions:** How are you coping with these feelings of hurt, disappointment, and emotional exhaustion right now? Recognizing and honoring your emotions is an important step in understanding your needs and processing the pain you feel.

2. **Exploring Relationship Patterns:** What patterns or behaviors do you notice in your relationships that contribute to the feelings of being unappreciated or hurt? How might establishing boundaries or communicating your needs help shift these dynamics and pave the way for more balanced connections with others?

3. **Prioritizing Self-Compassion:** How can you practice self-compassion and care for yourself during this challenging time? Engaging in activities or exercises that remind you of your self-worth and the values you hold dear outside of your relationships can help you reconnect with yourself and find comfort.

4. **Reflecting on Your Needs:** How do you envision healthy, fulfilling relationships that align with your needs and desires for mutual respect, care, and support? Exploring what you truly seek in your relationships can be a powerful way to guide your interactions and seek connections that resonate with your values.

It's crucial to give yourself space to process these emotions and experiences without judgment. Feeling disillusioned and wanting to protect yourself from further pain is valid, but remember there is potential for growth, healing, and healthier relationships when you acknowledge your needs and emotions.

If you find yourself needing more support in navigating these feelings or exploring ways to foster healthier relationships, reaching out to a mental health professional or even continuing to share your journey here can provide additional guidance and support. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to seek help and understanding as you navigate your emotions and relationship experiences.

 

[Jade-]

It just hurts me when people only reach out to me when they need something from me. But when I need someone, whether it's just someone to talk to, some support or empathy, they're not there for me in return.

Everyone seems to want my money but I guess that's my own fault because I have always given so freely. It's not even like I have a lot of money to give, people just know that if they need help I will be there for them. They don't even care whether I am struggling financially or not, they still ask and expect from me. Yet I don't have a soul I can turn to if I am ever in a financial bind.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

It just hurts me when people only reach out to me when they need something from me. But when I need someone, whether it's just someone to talk to, some support or empathy, they're not there for me in return.

Everyone seems to want my money but I guess that's my own fault because I have always given so freely. It's not even like I have a lot of money to give, people just know that if they need help I will be there for them. They don't even care whether I am struggling financially or not, they still ask and expect from me. Yet I don't have a soul I can turn to if I am ever in a financial bind.

@Jade-, it sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden of feeling used for your generosity and like your own needs are unrecognized and unmet by those you care about. It's deeply painful to feel that your relationships are one-sided, where the giving and receiving aren't balanced, and where the support you offer to others isn't reciprocated when you need it most.

1. **Identifying Boundaries:** How do you currently set boundaries around what you give, whether it's financial support, time, or emotional energy? Establishing boundaries that protect your well-being and reflect your values can begin to change how you navigate requests and interactions with others, ensuring your needs are considered.

2. **Communicating Needs:** Have you had the opportunity to express your feelings to those who you feel take advantage of your generosity? Open and honest conversations about how you feel might prompt greater understanding and lead to relationship changes that better reflect mutual respect and consideration.

3. **Exploring Relationships:** What qualities do you envision in relationships where both giving and receiving support are reciprocal and appreciated? Reflecting on what you hope for in your connections can help guide how you choose to invest your time and energy in relationships that align with these values.

4. **Affirming Your Worth:** How can you remind yourself of your value outside of your generosity to others? Finding affirmation in your self-worth that isn't tied to your financial or emotional giving can help shift your focus towards self-compassion and deepen your understanding of your full value.

It's crucial to recognize that while your compassionate nature is a beautiful quality, it's essential to protect your well-being by ensuring you are surrounded by relationships that nourish and support you in return. You're worthy of care, understanding, and connection that respects your entire self, just as much as you offer to others.

If you're open to exploring these themes further and navigating ways to cultivate healthier and more balanced relationships, we're here to support your journey towards growth and emotional fulfillment. Remember, you have the right to take care of yourself and prioritize relationships that acknowledge and match your generous spirit.