Disorganized Attachment

I wish that I could move somewhere that nobody knows me and make a fresh start. The people in my life right now, I already know they wouldn't be in my life at all if I didn't always help them in some way. And although I know it's my own fault, my own doing, I struggle so much with saying no.

I recently was off work due to being ill. The people in my life already know I am struggling financially because of it yet they still ask for money. And I am mad at myself because I gave it. Nobody really gave a shit while I was sick, didn't check on me, didn't offer to help me in any way. Just still only thought of themselves.

It was a real eye opener and just very disheartening to realize that these are the people I have in my life.
 
I wish that I could move somewhere that nobody knows me and make a fresh start. The people in my life right now, I already know they wouldn't be in my life at all if I didn't always help them in some way. And although I know it's my own fault, my own doing, I struggle so much with saying no.

I recently was off work due to being ill. The people in my life already know I am struggling financially because of it yet they still ask for money. And I am mad at myself because I gave it. Nobody really gave a shit while I was sick, didn't check on me, didn't offer to help me in any way. Just still only thought of themselves.

It was a real eye opener and just very disheartening to realize that these are the people I have in my life.
@Jade-, it's understandable to feel disheartened when faced with the realization that the support you've been offering hasn't been met with the same care and consideration for your well-being, especially during a tough time like being ill. You're not alone in struggling to say no, particularly when your pattern has been to freely give and support others, but it's also a significant acknowledgment of your own needs and boundaries in this journey you're navigating.

1. **Exploring Fresh Perspectives:** What appeals to you about the idea of starting fresh in a new place? Imagining this scenario can help you identify what qualities or changes you long for in your day-to-day life that might be possible without such a drastic change.

2. **Recognizing Patterns:** How might you start saying no or reassessing where and to whom you offer your help, protecting your time, energy, and financial resources in the process? Reflecting on and even small attempts at establishing boundaries can gradually evolve into new behavior patterns.

3. **Cultivating Self-Advocacy:** How can you become more of an advocate for your own needs and boundaries in your relationships? Being gentle with yourself and recognizing that learning to prioritize your needs takes time can be empowering as you begin to make changes.

4. **Investigating Growth Opportunities:** What small steps or changes would symbolically signify progress towards more balanced relationships or a more fulfilling life experience? Exploring opportunities for personal growth, whether it's developing new hobbies, rediscovering interests, or finding spaces that encourage healthier connections, can mean finding the fresh start you're seeking within your current circumstances.

It's natural to feel frustrated with yourself for giving in to requests when you're already stretched thin. Remember, the decision to prioritize your health, finances, and emotional needs, while learning to navigate healthier boundaries, is both legitimate and vital for your well-being.

As you process these realizations and explore ways to enhance the quality of your connections, know you're supported, and you have permission to put your needs first. If you're open to continuing this dialogue, reach out whenever you need a space to share or seek support. Your journey towards healthier relationships and self-care is an evolving process worthy of patience and self-compassion.
 
I know that right now I am just drowning in self pity and it will pas and I will come out of it feeling stronger and empowered. It's just that right now in this moment everything feels so hopeless.

I've been triggered recently and have even sabatouged my relationship with my bf again and just don't even have the strength or the will to try and repair it right now. Which adds to this depression
 
I know that right now I am just drowning in self pity and it will pas and I will come out of it feeling stronger and empowered. It's just that right now in this moment everything feels so hopeless.

I've been triggered recently and have even sabatouged my relationship with my bf again and just don't even have the strength or the will to try and repair it right now. Which adds to this depression
@Jade-, feeling overwhelmed and drowning in emotions is a tough place to be, and it's important to recognize that what you're experiencing doesn't define your capacity for growth and healing. Acknowledging these feelings is a step towards processing and understanding them, even when everything feels hopeless.

1. **Understanding Triggers:** What do you think triggered the recent feelings of hopelessness and the impulse to sabotage your relationship? Sometimes, recognizing these triggers can help you become more aware of patterns and find healthier ways to respond.

2. **Honoring Your Emotional Space:** How can you give yourself permission to step back and allow yourself time to process your feelings without immediately trying to fix everything at once? It's okay to prioritize your emotional needs and take the time and space you require before approaching relationship repairs.

3. **Exploring Emotional Support:** What are some ways you have found helpful in the past to reclaim your sense of empowerment and strength? Whether it's through creative outlets, self-care routines, or engaging in activities that bring you joy, connecting with those practices might offer solace and help shift your perspective.

4. **Reconnecting with Compassion:** How can you extend self-compassion amid the current whirlwind of emotions you're experiencing? Keep in mind that growth isn't always linear, and kindness towards yourself during these moments can foster resilience and self-understanding.

Feeling discouraged by how recent events have unfolded, including the dynamics within your relationship, is understandable. However, trusting in your capacity to eventually emerge stronger speaks to your resilience. As you navigate these emotions, allow yourself to seek support, whether it's from a professional, within this forum, or through those who care about your well-being.

Remember, it's okay to take breaks and prioritize your self-care as you work through complex emotions and relationship dynamics. Whenever you're ready, feel free to reach out again. Your journey to healing and empowerment is important, and we're here to support you along the way.
 
I was triggered by sex with my bf. I just needed a little time and space afterwards to deal with what I was feeling but he insisted on trying to talk about it. I know he meant well but it just made everything worse, I lashed out, said some mean things and now it just feels like every little thing that has gone on in my life recently has caught up with me.

There was also a death in the family very recently which I haven't even had the time or the headspace to even think about really.

I just want to be left alone. By everybody. If I didn't have to work I think I would probably just isolate in my house, turn off my phone and just never see or talk to anyone again.
 
I was triggered by sex with my bf. I just needed a little time and space afterwards to deal with what I was feeling but he insisted on trying to talk about it. I know he meant well but it just made everything worse, I lashed out, said some mean things and now it just feels like every little thing that has gone on in my life recently has caught up with me.

There was also a death in the family very recently which I haven't even had the time or the headspace to even think about really.

I just want to be left alone. By everybody. If I didn't have to work I think I would probably just isolate in my house, turn off my phone and just never see or talk to anyone again.
@Jade-, navigating the aftermath of a triggering experience, like sex, especially when you're already overwhelmed by other stressors such as a recent family death, can feel incredibly isolating and suffocating. Wanting space to process your feelings is entirely understandable, and it’s a vital part of regaining clarity and peace.

1. **Processing the Trigger:** What emotions or thoughts do you find arise following sexual encounters that are tied to these triggers? Sometimes acknowledging specific feelings or memories can be the first step in understanding their impact and addressing them when you’re ready.

2. **Communicating Needs:** How might you effectively communicate your need for space to your boyfriend and others without feeling pressured to engage with them immediately? It can be helpful to set clear boundaries with loved ones about your process and readiness to talk.

3. **Grieving and Coping:** How have you managed grief and loss in the past, and are there ways you can find time to honor your feelings about your family member's passing? Even small rituals or quiet moments of reflection might help in acknowledging such a significant event amidst your current emotional landscape.

4. **Creating Safe Spaces:** What aspects of your home or personal environment might you adjust to foster a sense of safety and sanctuary while you’re seeking solitude? Being intentional about your space can create an atmosphere that aids in your healing and self-reflection.

It’s understandable that you're wishing for isolation during such emotionally tumultuous times. Allowing yourself time to process at your own pace, rather than adhering to external expectations, can be healing.

Take breaks whenever you need to and engage in whatever self-care practices keep you steady, whether it's quiet time, meditation, journaling, or simply resting. If at any point you feel like sharing or need additional support, reach out again. You deserve compassion and understanding as you navigate through these layered experiences and emotions.
 
The trigger....things didn't go as planned during sex and all the verbal abuse from my ex husband started swirling around in my head. I could literally hear all the awful things he used to say to me, that I am old, fat, ugly, nobody would ever want me,etc. And I was doing self talk afterwards, telling myself this guy is not my ex, they're nothing alike, etc. but then as my bf kept trying to talk about it all the childhood sexual abuse stuff started swirling around in my head and it became too overwhelming and I started lashing out at my bf. I mean, I know exactly how I was triggered and why and I was really doing my best to just deal with what I was feeling but where the bf just wouldn't stfu talking to me I wanted to piss him off so he wouldn't want to be with me anymore and defeated all the effort I was putting into trying to deal with the trigger.

The recent death brought back all the meories and feelings of the death of my child. I don't even want to go into that or think about that. But the more I try not to the more I do and it's an endless cycle.

I just want to be alone for awhile to deal with all my shit
 
The trigger....things didn't go as planned during sex and all the verbal abuse from my ex husband started swirling around in my head. I could literally hear all the awful things he used to say to me, that I am old, fat, ugly, nobody would ever want me,etc. And I was doing self talk afterwards, telling myself this guy is not my ex, they're nothing alike, etc. but then as my bf kept trying to talk about it all the childhood sexual abuse stuff started swirling around in my head and it became too overwhelming and I started lashing out at my bf. I mean, I know exactly how I was triggered and why and I was really doing my best to just deal with what I was feeling but where the bf just wouldn't stfu talking to me I wanted to piss him off so he wouldn't want to be with me anymore and defeated all the effort I was putting into trying to deal with the trigger.

The recent death brought back all the meories and feelings of the death of my child. I don't even want to go into that or think about that. But the more I try not to the more I do and it's an endless cycle.

I just want to be alone for awhile to deal with all my shit
@Jade-, it's completely valid to seek solitude amidst such intensely overwhelming emotions. The interplay of past abuse, triggers from your ex-husband's words, and childhood trauma during a vulnerable moment can create a powerful emotional storm, leaving you feeling exposed and raw. When ongoing grief resurfaces, such as the heartbreak of losing your child, while also contending with new losses, it's natural that your heart and mind seek space to process everything.

1. **Acknowledging Overlapping Traumas:** How do these overlapping memories and feelings manifest for you physically or emotionally, and what small, mindful actions might help ground you when you feel swept away? Understanding your triggers better can guide towards grounding techniques, be it breathing exercises, a soothing object, or a safe place in your mind.

2. **Communicating Boundaries:** How comfortable do you feel expressing your boundaries and need for space to your boyfriend, ensuring he understands this time alone isn't a reflection of how you feel about him but rather about preserving your own mental health? Having an honest conversation about why this time is crucial might facilitate a healthier pause for both of you.

3. **Finding Your Sanctuary:** What are some ways you can create or identify a safe space where you can cope with these intense emotions and memories at your own pace? Whether it's a room or a mental refuge, consciously retreating to this place can encourage healing.

4. **Embracing Your Journey:** How can you gently remind yourself that it's okay to feel deeply and seek solitude, allowing both grief and the healing process to unfold without added self-judgment? Enabling emotional release, through crying or creative expression, can sometimes lighten the emotional load over time.

Trying not to think about a traumatic event only to encounter it more vividly is a natural and common experience. It's okay to want reprieve from both the external dynamics with your boyfriend and the internal chaos. It’s a profoundly nurturing act to honor your needs and give yourself the permission to pause.

If this space provides any comfort, remember you're welcome to share or explore your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel ready. Your journey of processing and healing is uniquely yours, and offering yourself patience and time along the way is both valid and necessary.
 
And poof! I am over the trigger(s) and no longer symptomatic.

Why does everything seem/feel so life and death with PTSD? I mean, why does getting triggered feel so extreme when it happens, like it's the end of the world?
 
And poof! I am over the trigger(s) and no longer symptomatic.

Why does everything seem/feel so life and death with PTSD? I mean, why does getting triggered feel so extreme when it happens, like it's the end of the world?
@Jade-, it's indeed fascinating how the nature of PTSD can magnify experiences, and you're not alone in feeling that stark intensity during a trigger. When you're triggered, it's as if the brain's warning system goes into overdrive, treating old memories as if they're happening in the present. This can result in that life-or-death feeling, almost like being caught in a time loop of trauma.

1. **Understanding Intensity:** What are your thoughts on how your body has learned to react to threat due to past trauma? The body's heightened response is a survival mechanism, evolved to keep you safe, but it can feel misplaced when dealing with memories instead of actual danger.

2. **Pathway to Overcoming:** How have you noticed that these intense episodes eventually pass and leave you with moments of relief, as you experienced with feeling 'over it' so suddenly? Recognizing these patterns can cultivate trust in your resilience and the natural ebb and flow of emotional states.

3. **Connecting Over Time:** Reflecting on how far you've come when it comes to managing these triggers and your symptoms—in what ways do you feel you’re better able to handle them now compared to earlier on in your journey? This can help you recognize growth and continue building on what works.

4. **Grounding in Reality:** How can you remind yourself of the distinction between past trauma and present safety despite these overwhelming sensations? Physical grounding techniques or mental reminders can anchor you more firmly in the present moment, reinforcing your safety.

The extremes felt during a trigger are a testament to how profoundly trauma imprints on the brain and body. Yet, just as profoundly, your capacity to return to a state of peace and normalcy reflects tremendous resilience.

Embracing this ebb and flow, while equipping yourself with tools to weather the peaks of intensity, offers a pathway to balance. You're making strides not only by seeking to understand these experiences but in actively engaging with your healing process.

Continue embracing the progress you're making, and keep reaching out whenever you wish. Your insights and experiences are part of your empowering journey, moving through and beyond trauma.
 
All day my mind has been coming up with reasons to not be with my boyfriend. Reasons that I need to stay away from him, I shouldn't trust him, he's playing me, not who he pretends to be, etc.

Logically I know none of this stuff is factual and he really is a pretty good guy but it feels like it's all true and I should run from him.

I'm really so freaking tired of this and all the work I have to put into keeping my shit together. I don't even know what has brought this on this time, I don't know of anything that has triggered me.

What hurts me most is he sees/understands/realizes when my mind is in overdrive just by my behavior, I don't have to say anything, he just knows and he still loves me and wants to be with me. He hasn't done anything to hurt r upset me, actually he has been showering me with attention and affection.....

I think that's it, what has my mind in overdrive, all the extra attention and affection from him. I should just be enjoying it, I mean it's what I want from him but deep down I feel it's a ploy, a way to fool me into thinking he really loves me when in actuality he is planning on hurting me in some way or already is and I just don't know about it yet.

How do I turn my brain off?
 
All day my mind has been coming up with reasons to not be with my boyfriend. Reasons that I need to stay away from him, I shouldn't trust him, he's playing me, not who he pretends to be, etc.

Logically I know none of this stuff is factual and he really is a pretty good guy but it feels like it's all true and I should run from him.

I'm really so freaking tired of this and all the work I have to put into keeping my shit together. I don't even know what has brought this on this time, I don't know of anything that has triggered me.

What hurts me most is he sees/understands/realizes when my mind is in overdrive just by my behavior, I don't have to say anything, he just knows and he still loves me and wants to be with me. He hasn't done anything to hurt r upset me, actually he has been showering me with attention and affection.....

I think that's it, what has my mind in overdrive, all the extra attention and affection from him. I should just be enjoying it, I mean it's what I want from him but deep down I feel it's a ploy, a way to fool me into thinking he really loves me when in actuality he is planning on hurting me in some way or already is and I just don't know about it yet.

How do I turn my brain off?
@Jade-, your experience of contradictory feelings about your boyfriend, despite logically understanding the reality of the situation, can be both confusing and exhausting. It's common for trauma survivors to have heightened vigilance and a propensity to question what appears safe or supportive, particularly when trust has been breached in the past.

1. **Exploring Trust Issues:** How have past relationships, particularly with figures who've betrayed your trust, influenced your current perceptions of affection and attentiveness from partners? Emotional echoes of past hurt can sometimes cause our brains to misinterpret genuine gestures as potential red flags.

2. **Distinguishing Intuition from Fear:** How could you begin to differentiate between gut feelings and anxiety-driven thoughts that stem from past trauma? Recognizing when you're operating from a space of fear rather than present-day intuition can be a grounding step.

3. **Balancing Perception and Reality:** How might focusing on concrete actions and reassurances your boyfriend provides help counterbalance these fear-based narratives? Sometimes listing specific ways he shows care and support can challenge these intrusive thoughts and remind you of his consistency.

4. **Using Mindfulness to Quiet Overdrive:** What grounding techniques or mindfulness practices have you tried that help you find calm amidst mental chaos? Engaging in practices like deep breathing, meditation, or even physical activity can help shift focus away from overwhelming thoughts.

Feeling suspicious of positivity or goodness, like the affection from your boyfriend, isn't unusual when your brain is accustomed to self-protection amid uncertainty. The fear of being hurt again can trigger protective mechanisms that aren't always relevant to the current situation.

Regarding your question of turning your brain off, gently intervening in the thought spiral with grounding exercises or engaging in activities that bring joy and momentary distraction can be healing. Trust that your intention to understand and navigate these feelings denotes your commitment to fostering trust and love in your life.

If you ever wish to talk more about this or explore other areas of your healing journey, feel free to reach out here any time. You're not alone in this.
 
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