Dissociation, forgetting to eat, blood sugar crashes

[Ecdysis]

Due to dissociation, I forget to eat for large chunks of the day. My blood sugar crashes, leading to all sorts of associated symptoms including anxiety, overwhelm, confusion.

Due to the dissociation, I don't notice/ understand that I've forgotten to eat and that my blood sugar has crashed, which is why I'm feeling so bad.

So I continue not to eat, feeling awful and stuck in dissociation.

This pattern has been going on since childhood and started in childhood because of neglect and only having access to food at sporadic times during the day and going long stretches without food.

I've always been used to going without food - it doesn't even really bother me.

The symptoms of the blood sugar crashes seem to be almost all mental/ psychological in my case - I can't tell the difference between anxiety, depression and low blood sugar.

The only time I "get" it is when I eat something and suddenly, I no longer feel suicidally awful. Then I'm like "Ohhhh, I wasn't actually suicidal, it was my blood sugar being super low."

It's so bad that I worry that I may literally suicide during a blood sugar crash, one day. When my blood sugar is low, I feel so desperate and so awful, that I've been close to taking action on suicidal feelings in the past.

I'm seeing my pdoc and a diabetes specialist on Thursday. I hope they can help me figure out how to handle this.

Today, for the first time, I made sure to eat a small snack once every hour.

 

[RachelBigby]

It’s funny what childhood hunger does to the body. You really do try to live without food. The good news is at least your body signals for food eventually. That’s a good sign it wants to eat. Listen closer and it will tell you more.

 

[arfie]

gentle empathy, ecdysis. i, too, learned to shut of my hunger pangs as a child. what food was available typically cost more than it was worth. i'll feed you if you perform indecent acts for me. . . no, thanks. i'd rather starve. i have often wondered if starvation would be an easy suicide for me. i tried it a time or three, but the collateral damage was horrific. i was a psychotic loose cannon long before the grim reaper accepted my invitation.

here in my "golden years," i still routinely forget to eat and eating remains more of a chore than a pleasure. i usually feel my need to eat in terms of emotional instability far more than by hunger pangs. that emotional instability is enough of a problem that i recognize and salute it easily enough.

 

[Ecdysis]

usually feel my need to eat in terms of emotional instability far more than by hunger pangs. that emotional instability is enough of a problem that i recognize and salute it easily enough.

Hi @arfie sorry that you struggle with it too. Glad that you're able to recognise it quicker than I can tho. What you write makes me realise that hunger pangs would be the "normal" sign that people get, when they should eat. But our PTSD past has basically trained us to shut that down, to actively ignore it. So that first warning signal isn't somehow mysteriously missed by our body/ brain, but actively ignored by years of conditioning.... Sigh... That makes so much sense! So I'm not too stupid to miss the signs, it's yet another PTSD thing.

Thanks @RachelBigby . Yeah. Sigh. I always thought my childhood hunger wasn't "that bad" because I did have access to food at least once a day and could eat enough not to be malnourished. But it seems it's still hardwired into my system decades later.

 

[RachelBigby]

The calling card of CPTSD… “it wasn’t that bad”

 

[RachelBigby]

Your post made me feel bad about not eating yet today. I got myself out of bed and went to McDonald's. Drive thru is handy when you're too tired to shower. My happy meal came with a deck of cards. I'll add it to my Christmas charity stash.

 

[Ecdysis]

Your post made me feel bad about not eating yet today. I got myself out of bed and went to McDonald's. Drive thru is handy when you're too tired to shower. My happy meal came with a deck of cards. I'll add it to my Christmas charity stash.

Heh nice
Well done on getting some food!
I just ate something too some chili with beans and rice and a slice of bread

Who knew that... uhh... eating... makes life easier

 

[arfie]

mysteriously missed by our body/ brain, but actively ignored by years of conditioning

the most intelligent conversation i've ever had on the subject of "underweight" was in spanish with an ecuadorian doctor who had seen a heartbreaking number of actual cases of starvation in his career. where "first world" doctors tend to see underweight as a fashion statement they wish they could make, this doctor believed there was a physical transition which occurs in starving children. kinda like the night blindness which occurs in people who have slept with night lights since infancy and never allowed their eyes to fully adjust to low lighting. ya gots to use those body functions or you WILL lose them. hunger pangs are a body function. i lost mine pretty early on.

it took me years to learn how to recognize my need to fill the proverbial gas tank through my emotional state. be patient with yourself and patient with the process.

 

[Friday]

. ya gots to use those body functions or you WILL lose them. hunger pangs are a body function. i lost mine pretty early on.

I lost mine in my early 20s. They would feed us once a week. Which, to this day, is about how often I get hungry.

 

[Sideways]

Yeah, I set my alarm. I eat by the clock. I still use the same times they used in hospital (it worked as an inpatient, no reason to change once I got discharged!).

If I wait for my body to tell me I’m hungry I pass out.

On the flip side? My body doesn’t tell me when I’m full either. It’s almost as important to know that (and manage it!) as it is to know I don’t “get hungry”.

 

[RachelBigby]

The full sensation gets me every time. I lose my appetite after two bites, or I wait an hour to feel anything. Measuring portions helps.

 

[Freddyt]

Anything I need to do about a specific time I have reminders in Google for.
Medications, eating, get ready to go somewhere.
Part of it for me is from executive dysfunction memory and time distortion. Look at the clock it's 10 am look again it's 6 pm. And like others it's not until I get food in front of me that I start feeling hungry......