Bear with me people. I am very confused after trying to explain how some things trigger me off whereas other things don't, at least, not in the same way.
It seems that when I am in a position to defend myself or integrity I dissociate, switching off the feelings side of me, I think due to the anxiety or panic that builds. I don't really notice the change. I then tend to be very direct with people, which seems to be interpreted as being unkind or unthoughtful towards someone else's feelings. Afterwards, getting back into "normal" mode (I think) I will try and offload to someone, but I don't tend to choose the right people to speak to, thus causing myself further problems.
In other circumstances, such as dealing with a fight between students or a 1st aid emergency, I am very clear headed and calm when other people are running around panicking. This makes me a very good person to have around in an emergency, cos I usually get things sorted very quickly with the minimum fuss. As a result, in my job, students will seek me out when they have a difficult problem, as they know I won't react unpleasantly towards them - I listen and respond in a calm way. I then report to the relevant colleagues as per policy and everything is fine. I don't feel the need to offload - in fact I have been harassed to see the counsellor after one serious incident, when in fact I had suffered no ill-effects at all (it will be very hard to beat my own life experiences). Colleagues on the other hand were really not coping very well.
Why don't I react this with other people - family, colleagues etc. Why am I fine with students and people I don't know????? I just can't explain it, but I know there is something significant in it that is related to my particular manifestation of ptsd.
I tried to explain this to someone today, but clearly just sounded completely loopy, which obviously has not helped my situation :crazy-eye
It seems that when I am in a position to defend myself or integrity I dissociate, switching off the feelings side of me, I think due to the anxiety or panic that builds. I don't really notice the change. I then tend to be very direct with people, which seems to be interpreted as being unkind or unthoughtful towards someone else's feelings. Afterwards, getting back into "normal" mode (I think) I will try and offload to someone, but I don't tend to choose the right people to speak to, thus causing myself further problems.
In other circumstances, such as dealing with a fight between students or a 1st aid emergency, I am very clear headed and calm when other people are running around panicking. This makes me a very good person to have around in an emergency, cos I usually get things sorted very quickly with the minimum fuss. As a result, in my job, students will seek me out when they have a difficult problem, as they know I won't react unpleasantly towards them - I listen and respond in a calm way. I then report to the relevant colleagues as per policy and everything is fine. I don't feel the need to offload - in fact I have been harassed to see the counsellor after one serious incident, when in fact I had suffered no ill-effects at all (it will be very hard to beat my own life experiences). Colleagues on the other hand were really not coping very well.
Why don't I react this with other people - family, colleagues etc. Why am I fine with students and people I don't know????? I just can't explain it, but I know there is something significant in it that is related to my particular manifestation of ptsd.
I tried to explain this to someone today, but clearly just sounded completely loopy, which obviously has not helped my situation :crazy-eye