Dissociation while flirting

TedWNY

New Here
It will be 10yrs in October I started my healing and still dissociate in highly charged, interpersonal situations.

This last time I was camping in a festival atmosphere and was flirting, eye contact, with a woman. We talked a little and took a selfie together. Our eyes met...I could feel her move in for a kiss...and I froze!
It’s happened before where I went to put my arm around someone...I go blank, emotionless, can respond but not appropriately for the given situation.
Needless to say things don’t end well, I alienate the person and that moment is gone.
It’s not like I haven’t experienced intimacy before, although I can now see/feel how tense I was in every day life, and just vegged out through most situations, mostly interpersonal.
So I have progressed...I don’t hate myself for it, understand and am self empathetic.
But at 62, never married, it seems like that true connection is as far out of reach for me as it ever has.
It also really pains me that I hurt these people. I can see their distress after this happens as a rejection and am tired of hurting myself and others.
Thanks for reading. Any thoughts, comments or suggestions appreciated.
 

8888

MyPTSD Pro
Dissociation is a normal response to trauma. It sounds like you did the best you could at the time so don't beat yourself up about it. I'm glad to hear you have progressed. Sending support.
 

grief

Sponsor
it sounds like you are employing a lot of self compassion here which is amazing. but as this is something that does bother you i would recommend seeking out therapy. it is not an uncommon reaction at all. people come at life from all walks. maybe being able to be open about your issues with potential partners could be useful. 👋 nonetheless welcome.
 

TedWNY

New Here
it sounds like you are employing a lot of self compassion here which is amazing. but as this is something that does bother you i would recommend seeking out therapy. it is not an uncommon reaction at all. people come at life from all walks. maybe being able to be open about your issues with potential partners could be useful. 👋 nonetheless welcome.
Thanks, been in and out of therapy but think may give EMDR another go at it.
Will have to work on a script...I'm generally open about it, but people look at u a little off when you tell them your still working out the fact that humans can be a source of comfort.
 

Toren

Learning
I get it. A previous "mentor" I worked for put his hand on my back as he was trying to show me something on the computer for documentation. We were in plain site of other staff but I completely froze. Every muscle at once and I think I probably held my breath but I'm not sure. My mind went blank, all senses heightened. I froze so badly I couldn't speak. I don't remember what happened next but I know I never said anything to him. Wish I could've. Actually wish I had smacked him.
 
Top