I want to talk about my inner world. This is not easy for me, as it is rather shameful to sort of open up about it. I always get the feeling that people will think I'm completely f*cking insane, if I tell people about it. Oh well. Here goes: What I know is that my at times very vivid inner world is dissociative and has always been, really. I know that from conversations with other PTSD sufferers and from session with my T. However, I see some progress here. Or at least, something is different from how it used to be. Six months ago I would dissociate so badly from 'unpleasant' emotions, such as shame, that I would literally hallucinate. My shame has the form of a xenomorph from the Alien movies. And I saw it. In front of me. Standing on the floor. Often. That doesn't happen anymore. Now my 'images' are more like inside my head and only occur in flashes. They are still there, but not as vivid, they are INSIDE my head instead of (at least how I saw it) occupying physical space around me. I still picture my therapist as various monsters, like a skeleton or space alien, at times .. My T calls it dissociative anxiety. It does help to talk about it with him. He understands. Another thing: I have always assigned various animals or creatures to my emotions. And/or colors. As long as I can remember. Like, my shame is a xenomorph, my anger is a bee, my addiction is Gollum from Lord of the Rings and so on. I remember as a kid when I was homesick, I associated that emotion with rats. I was wondering, are there anyone out there who possibly can relate to this?? I have yet to meet one, to be honest .. Sincerely, ziter I should add that this 'mental zoo' of mine has provided me with safety and comfort ... I would feel safe with these creatures .. But it just seems that they don't provide the same level of comfort anymore, or rather, not at all, really ... I guess that tells me that maybe I don't need them as much as I did before. They served me well, for sure!