Do i have a bull's eye on my back?

PandaPower

Learning
Hi all,
A very good friend I had vetted out for being "safe" and who i have known for 5 years has gradually been turning snide and mean girl-esque with me to the point that it's starting to trigger old stuff. I have set a time to speak to her about it, but the damage is done in terms of bringing up old scripts and removing my trust from her.

I am feeling like everyone will be abusive towards me because I must have done something wrong /I am passive / i am asking for it/ i am not standing up for myself/ i am projecting weakness/i am stupid/i am socially challenged/i am not as clever witty or "pretty" as the other girls. I need counters to these please as I am feeling hopeless and falling back into believing these things.

I posted a while back that there seemed to be no safe places, I guess there are no safe people as well. She was the last of my "wellness friends" who are actively working on bettering themselves.She is a counsellor and everyone I know looks up to her as a wise loving person.So I feel like it must be me that brings out this behaviour in people.

Thanks for reading,
M
 
It's really easy to blame ourselves, to turn on our own souls and rip ourselves apart. That's easy and achievable.

But wait,

Has it occurred to you that she may have something going on in her life that she's not dealing with so well right now?

Have you been a good friend and called her out on her snide remarks and told her that her responses are not like her and is there something wrong, is she okay, is she struggling with something? Have you asked if she wants to share, say something, talk about it with you?

Just because she's a counsellor doesn't mean she's got the whole human thing down and settled. Counsellors are still very human, very vulnerable and make mistakes. You are her friend and she is yours. Work to preserve that relationship not cast it away.

Deal with the real instead of assassinating yourself. If you're a good friend maybe she'll let you know. If she's not prepared to share what's going on then forgive her and try hard to be as good a friend to her as she's obviously been for you.
 

Friday

Moderator
A very good friend I had vetted out for being "safe" and who i have known for 5 years has gradually been turning snide and mean girl-esque with me
Only in abuse have I ever found people/situations to be static & unchanging.

In the rest of the great big wide world? People change. Relationships change. People & relationships aren’t “fixed” the way they are in abuse, with set roles, rules, patterns. Instead they’re far more fluid.

Outgrowing friends? Is NORMAL in healthy relationships. As are periods of difficulty/friction as people are dealing with difficult times.
 

PandaPower

Learning
Hi both, thanks for your replies. I had to step back from the issue because it was causing me to spiral but am now in a (somewhat better) place to be able to read and take your input in.
Black emerald - I have still been listening and providing support to her when she shares with me as best I can. She isn't going through a hard time specifically, but is busier than before and has had some (positive) changes in her life. I did work on salvaging the friendship but it was feeling so one-sided that I stopped, but if she opens up to me about something I still listen. I work with her and it is in the work interactions that she becomes snarky. I asked her recently about the snarky remarks, she said she didn't remember them and there was nothing upsetting her specifically. There are other things that I haven't called her out on - tbh I don't think I am comfortable enough with her to do it.
Friday - hmm. I guess. Brings up shit tons of abandonment stuff thou.
 
I asked her recently about the snarky remarks, she said she didn't remember them and there was nothing upsetting her specifically. There are other things that I haven't called her out on - tbh I don't think I am comfortable enough with her to do it.

^I'm hoping that just asking her about those snarky moments? - Might prompt her to be think before she snarks again. One way or the other it's way better than saying nothing, wondering why etc? And btw, for sure she remembers!!! I'm pleased you did the asking, are you? In my thinking way better than letting it go on and on.
 

rusty_maestro

Confident
I am feeling like everyone will be abusive towards me because I must have done something wrong /I am passive / i am asking for it/ i am not standing up for myself/ i am projecting weakness/i am stupid/i am socially challenged/i am not as clever witty or "pretty" as the other girls. I need counters to these please as I am feeling hopeless and falling back into believing these things.
Colors make you blind, sounds make you deaf. I avoid saying I am... As soon as you define yourself as such you limit your life experience. The reality is at times I do good things, at times I do things that don't work out, at times I cook a good meal at times I cook shitty meals. At times I say smart things, at times I say stupid things. I'm more on a continuum of experiences rather then a defined spot fixed on that continuum.
 
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