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Do You Feel Like You Are Being Watched?

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enough

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I know I am not being watched by my neighbors, my coworkers, people at the grocery store, I am no more interesting than anyone else and I am not doing anything weird or attracting attention to myself.

But I have a life long sense that there are people watching, that I have to do things to avoid attention, that I will be scrutinized and criticized.

I think it is a remnant of an abusive narcissist father.

My father used to catch me walking in parts of the neighborhood where people he didn't approve of lived. He would ask me about it weeks later, like he knew about every time I had been through there.
He wouldn't just say "why are you wearing those frayed blue jeans?' he would say "why are you wearing those same pants you wore three days ago and four days before that and the previous Monday?'

I know I am not being watched, but a little voice in my head is always there asking me "what if someone is watching?' and I can't turn it off. I am not doing anything wrong, maybe I am even doing something I would be proud of, but it takes the pleasure away from the experience when I have to wonder if I am doing it this way because of the little nagging voice and not because it is the right thing to do and I do the right thing.

this is not what most people would call a conscience or character or self-monitoring. it is far more pervasive and in general a negative, uneasy and wrong feeling thing. Like it needs to be toned down to the level of just being a healthy conscience.

Anyone else?
 
Yes. I think you described it well. My family programmed it into me in slightly different ways than yours, but the effect sounds very similar. Sometimes it's very quiet, and other times, like lately, it's incredibly loud. It has gotten better over the years (This is my worst PTSD season whhich is why it's worse right now) and when I think a little more clearly, I'll try to post more about how I deal with it.
 
Yes for years I lived that way not from a family member. Mine came from what I did in the army, an my own PTSD that i deal with everyday. You have to come up with away to deal with it. It ain't easy at all. This time of year 50 times worse. I have to have talks with myself in my head of course that that person I am worried about is just there for something on there own. I usually attempt to turn the tables on them an follow them to make sure. 99.9% of the time it ain't nothing but my paranoia in full bloom. It helps me a lot not to go to stores or restaurants by myself. Most of the time I go with my wife when I have to go to the store an I go to the same stores as I know most of the employees. Most likely you need help with the deeper parts of your mine an how to handle them. That means a good to great therapist that can deal with your up bringing and the fear.
 
I know I am not being watched by my neighbors, my coworkers, people at the grocery store, I am no more i...

Sadly these days, there are so many cameras everywhere you go, l kinda of assume that stuff happens. Employers spy on employees, people use phones to spy on other people. There are cameras on the busses and at the intersections. So it just doesn't bother me. But l hope you feel better about this.
 
I know I am not being watched by my neighbors, my coworkers, people at the grocery store, I am no more i...
Might want to let your therapist if you have one or psychiatrist know.....they might can help you take a closer look at your feelings....I know it is very hard to trust therapist etc.....
 
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