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Do You Think it Rubs Off On Us?

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Jen, Nov 17, 2007.

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  1. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

    There are just the two of us home now as the kids have moved out. I always said once that happened I would have a really nice and neat house.
    Hubby is a clutterer he has junk everywhere all the time I am forever picking up after him.
    Just lately I feel like I am becoming like him I see stuff that needs to be done and I think F##K IT! Why am I doing this all the time and then leave it and it will be like that for days. :wall:
    I dont know whether he cant see the mess he would quite happily step over it. I can see so much that needs doing and sometimes feel it is all a bit to much.
    This may be for the sufferers as well as they have been very helpful lately. It may sound trivial but if your house looks messy can you see this or is it a bit to much to take in if you know what I mean?
    Thanks Jen!
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  3. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

    I think it's just a case of not enough hours in the day to do everything.

    I know that if hubby is having a bad day he can get overwhelmed just looking at the dishes. He doesn't really like clutter but as our place is small we have no choice.
    Its a cycle, too much clutter, cup overflows, stresses out too much because he doesn't know where to start in the house. Anxiety levels raised, causing him to feel tired & no energy. Feels guilty for not doing anything, stress rises again. Then we do the dance again!

    Just the pattern I've noticed in my humble abode!

    Then we come home from work, look around & think stuff it I'm buggered, I'll do it later.
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Before I decluttered, I was like that. It would just get so out of control for me that I just had no idea of where to start. That would then stress me out and make me depressed and than I would lose all my energy to clean or pick up.

    This spring Nic and I went through all my stuff and now I just have exactly what I need plus some keepsakes that I love. No clutter anywhere! Now, even when I'm stressed or depressed, it's much easier to get up to do and I always have a place to start. Even Matt's room is completely controllable. He can easily pick up as there is only what he needs plus a few things he plays with all the time.

    How much clutter do you guys have? I've really found that keeping it simple, includes our homes and what we own. It's just part of management on our parts. This of course, has to include the said sufferer understanding that and working towards that at all times!

    Somehow I don't think I helped any with that! :rolleyes:

  5. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

    Thanks Bec one of his main problems is he is doing up a old Holden ute well he was he hasnt done much lately? But it is his hobby and I would not get in the way of that. A lot of bits and pieces of car not big dirty bits but small pieces that he sits and polishes and that sort of thing. I have started to declutter by packing boxes up of things I know we wont need.
    It just seems that it is to hard for him to tidy up?
    Maybe its a man thing??
  6. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member

    when I lived alone things were kept picked up. After I got involved w/my x and had my daughter things weren't picked up anymore...

    Now she is grown. He's an x. I now have ranger. He is a great cook & husband. But he doesn't do house work. He occasionally does dishes and laundry. I don't like to cook. I would rather work outside, play with my animals or what ever, but I don't like to pick up stuff...

    ranger had to do almost all the work in his past marriage. So I guess we both don't want to do certain things. However; he does not complain..

    Yes, sometimes I do feel like his habits rub off on me...

    you aren't alone !

  7. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

    You made sense to me Bec!

    Hubby has a 6mth rule, if you haven't used it or don't need it, throw it out.

    Our problem is we live in a small house with stuff all storage space so it's easy to feel cluttered. Oh for the winning numbers in lotto so I can buy a big old farmhouse with heaps of land & a huge shed for hubby!
  8. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

    Anthony likes everything to be simple and de-cluttered also. When we began living together we had a huge garage sale and sold everything we didn't really need. I also found the situation freeing as I'm no longer looking at so much to do as there is less to dust and clean :smile:

    Jodee, will PM you the numbers as soon as someone gives them to me :wink:
  9. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    I think this is such a typical male thing, at least around here. I keep dreaming once all the kids are out it won't be such a pit. I hate clutter as it just stresses me out and I will get ticked and say screw it for a few days. I finally figured out I can't out gross anyone and I just have that much bigger a mess to clean later.

    My son is OK mess wise and he will help but prefers if I leave the house so he can do it. I guess I have a bad habit of telling him how to do it. Then I will follow up with things men here seem blind to, like move things to clean, dust, scrub (I think they think a magical fairy scrubs the toilet). But it is nice when he gets they main crap picked up and clears the way for me to do it. That is what allowance is for anyway.

    I know I will never have a tidy home as my hubs is just as messy as the kids. But if that is one of my only complaints on him I will take it! He leaves trails of clothes and seems to undress where ever he feel like and the clothes stay right in that spot if he is not making a trail... He has said it does seem clean to him and he just does not see the mess I do and acts surprised things do sparkle.
  10. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

    Imagine how neat & tidy our ptsd retreat will be!:wink:
  11. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

    There are days I see something that needs to be picked up or put away and I just dont do it?
    Why is that? I know if I dont it wont get done it will stay there until I do it?
  12. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    I use to be an organize everything nut when I had my first child... and I would get upset and stressed when things didn't get put back in the places "I" thought they where supose to be in. I figgured out that my being so orginized would frustrate myself and my daughter because she would be unsure where things should go and would feel like she was going to get in trouble if they didn't go in the places I thought they should. I had to sort of let go the idea the toys and stuff had special places they had to be put away in and just let her put her stuff where she wanted to get her to pick up. It helped lower the stress of a messy house and give her the satisfaction that she was more in control of her own things and wouldn't get in trouble if they didn't go back the exact way I thougth they should. LOL I don't know if its the same way when dealing with men or even ourselves.. but its an idea I thought I would mention!
  13. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

    OMG- I seriously think it does rub off. Having a partner with PTSD and two children, Jack just turned two and Phoenix is 7 months, I find it extremely hard to keep a spotlessly clean house. I have never been a good house wife but I am slowly improving. I have a secret to share with you though. In my house I make it a rule that no one is allowed in the bedrooms except to sleep. The only rooms I am ever concerned about are the lounge room, the kitchen, the athroom and the toilet. I hve given up on picking up ever toy my kids leave laying around, because I would never get anything else done. My boys room is always tidy, their beds are made evry morning. My bedroom however is the worst room in my house. If I don't feel like folding the mountain of laundry I have done that day, I put it in my room to do later. If I don't feel like filing thngs away, they also go into my bedroom until I feel like doing it. I am getting myself in the habit though of spring cleaning my whole house once a week. I can't remember who said it but someone in this thread says that their partner leave their dirty clothes all over the house. Alex is exactly the same. I came up with a soluton though... If his clothes weren't in the bathroom or laundry I woud put them into a garbage bag and when he ran out of clothes he had to wash them himself! HE know has a certain spot in our room, or he uts them in the bathroom!!! I thnk he got sick of never having any clean clothes. I now live by the motto that 'a good mother has dirty floors and happy children'.
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