Do you think this will pass or is this my new normal?

sickfaery

Learning
I don't think I really suffer from ptsd (even though I was diagnosed with it a while back) since I usually don't get anything or don't notice it anyway. the worst I'd get on a daily basis isn't bad at all like just a little sad bc I saw something related, but for what like 10 scs, and sometimes if I do something related to it, like try to talk about it (I usually don't even think about it ever), i'll get more pronounced symptoms like having a hard time articulating, and feel emotional and heavy physically. but basically I never get anything.

And two days ago, I got trigger really by something not sure what. but I basically experienced this weird thing which was basically: same feeling I had when it started out, just not as intense, (same feelings physically), was dissociated and felt like i had a pane of glass between me and the world. felt really uncomfortable, and dragged on. I felt very unsafe, vulnerable, felt their presence, felt like I was going to be hurt, and felt so weak and kinda shackey. was horrible. just curled up & waited for it to stop. tried watching shit on youtube, but it made me feel worse. litterally saw my trauma in everything. when it was over I was so exhausted & litterally just collapsed from it. I don't know what that is? some sort of flashback ig? idk

yesterday I felt the same way in a really waterred down way. the whole day. non stop. I felt jittery, anxious, really weak (not like physically exactly), dissociated, had a lottt of intrusive images & memories that disturbed me a lot more than usual. Felt so bad, couldn't do anything.

at night I got a really intense sudden anxious/panicky mixed with other shit emotion, that felt so horrible and felt really weak and like I was about to get a really bad flashback or something. I felt the same weakness jittery thing I had all day just way worse. felt like I was losing control. felt even more distanced from the world. It was really really horrinle. idfk what that was.
died down and felt the same I had before the whole day. it would only stop if I went numb or was anxious about something else. then when I'd be done. It would come back.

today I didn't have that exactly, only for maybe a few minutes but more watered down. but again I'm feeling pretty numb & was anxious about other things. I did get a lot of symptoms today though that I usually didn't get before.

Idk what to think about this.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Sounds like flashbacks to me (reliving of any five senses sensations + emotional / mental).

It doesn't have to come all at once or even in the same intensity over time, to be valid.

The numbing and / or dissociation (feeling distant from yourself, the world, your life, it all, etc) sound also fairly typical symptoms.

So does hypervigilance (that 'on edge and feeling like about to be hurt').

And the anxiety and panic.

Sorry you are having a hard time. With pretty textbook symptoms.

Have you tried any of the grounding techniques? Several threads on here for a multitude of them, breathing stabilization is usually the fastest go-to for unwelcome states. :tup:
 

sickfaery

Learning
actually just got something terrifying 2 min ago, no joke. I saw something and I felt really scared & panicky & had a physical memory. still feeling that emotion. got worse as I'm typing. I'm scared to leave my room if I get something bad & my family are having a gest in like 1h..
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry it's so hard. :hug:

Is there anywhere in your room you feel safer? Or anything around you that would provide a sense of safety and confidence back.

You survived through the original thing, are *still* surviving it. You're a badass, and will get through, even if you feel horrible right now, that will pass with time.

I'm wondering if it's possible to excuse yourself from tending to the guest? After all that is your family one... not -your- guest... and everyone feels bad / sick time to time, unexpectedly. Caring guests will understand.
 
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