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Do you think you'd be able to work with someone who re-traumatized you, if they changed their attitude?

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I'm still trying to sort things out with my work. I'm not sure how any of this will go, and I'm worried.
Do you think you'd be able to work with/ deal with someone if they changed their attitude and "management style" (they're basically a bully)?
Because at the time being I feel like I'll never be able to face him, even if he decides to be nicer
My last post for context
 
No.

I've not even been traumatized but I don't ever want to work with one of my abusive supervisors ever again if I can avoid it. I even reduce casual conversation to an absolute bare minimum and never going beyond small talk when I run into them at conferences.

Even if they appear to have changed....I'd not be able to trust that. Which in itself is bound to create a ton of tension.

If it's been actually traumatizing? You'd constantly be looking for triggers, you'd constantly be expecting them to go back to their old patterns.

Not everyone gets along with everyone and that's fine. That's a normal part of life. Sometimes it's better for everyone to go separate ways. For me that's filed under "self-care".
 
What exactly change in them and in you or the situation?
I think it depends if there are real material change.
Nothing has changed yet, but he's expected to change his behavior towards me in order for me to keep working there. However, I'm not sure if I can come back, even if he's magically nicer
 
Nothing has changed yet, but he's expected to change his behavior towards me in order for me to keep working there.

So he's being "made" change his behavior by HR/management/whoever?

Yeah. NO!

Not only has he tons of ways to continue his bullying behaviors on a more subliminal level, he now also has reason to "blame" you for getting him into perceived trouble (from his perspective).

It is very rare for people with certain personality traits (bullies) to have an epiphany and suddenly realize they were wrong.
 
So he's being "made" change his behavior by HR/management/whoever?

Yeah. NO!

Not only has he tons of ways to continue his bullying behaviors on a more subliminal level, he now also has reason to "blame" you for getting him into perceived trouble (from his perspective).

It is very rare for people with certain personality traits (bullies) to have an epiphany and suddenly realize they were wrong.
Thank you for your input!
 
I can work with all kinds of people. A side benefit to either having zero choice about it (physically can’t leave), or very little choice about it (I could leave but if I did, I’d be shot or imprisoned), and in some of those instances of no choice or little choice, just pulling up my pants and working side by side with them after being raped by them, or having to watch them rape someone else, or both, or far worse.

So... yep. I can do it. Doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it, but I can do it.

I also spent years walking away from great jobs with lovely people... for no other reason than I simply felt like it. To prove I could, was certainly a part of that. Ditto, staying in jobs I hated with people I despised, because I knew I could leave at any time I chose, and right now I was choosing the paycheck. I spent a lotta years really working out the choice thing. My choice. To go, to stay. Pretty durn novel concept for me. Doing things just because I could, just because I could didn’t mean I had to, and finding my own self / boundaries; so that whatever I chose? I was very secure in that choice. Including the ability to change my mind. It was a bit of a process.
 
I can work with all kinds of people. A side benefit to either having zero choice about it (physically can’t leave), or very little choice about it (I could leave but if I did, I’d be shot or imprisoned), and in some of those instances of no choice or little choice, just pulling up my pants and working side by side with them after being raped by them, or having to watch them rape someone else, or both, or far worse.

So... yep. I can do it. Doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it, but I can do it.

I also spent years walking away from great jobs with lovely people... for no other reason than I simply felt like it. To prove I could, was certainly a part of that. Ditto, staying in jobs I hated with people I despised, because I knew I could leave at any time I chose, and right now I was choosing the paycheck. I spent a lotta years really working out the choice thing. My choice. To go, to stay. Pretty durn novel concept for me. Doing things just because I could, just because I could didn’t mean I had to, and finding my own self / boundaries; so that whatever I chose? I was very secure in that choice. Including the ability to change my mind. It was a bit of a process.
Thank you
 
Not if I can find a way out

Like @Friday -- Ive been in jobs I couldn't quit because, well, jail time.
Other than that?
A job is just a job -- I was looking for one when I found this one, I'll find another

Don't get me wrong, I have put up with bullies to keep a job I liked or that had great benefits but that was a choice I made.
But life is to short to let an ass at a job make me miserable.
 
Not if I can find a way out

Like @Friday -- Ive been in jobs I couldn't quit because, well, jail time.
Other than that?
A job is just a job -- I was looking for one when I found this one, I'll find another

Don't get me wrong, I have put up with bullies to keep a job I liked or that had great benefits but that was a choice I made.
But life is to short to let an ass at a job make me miserable.
Thank you! I agree with your last sentence for sure
 
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