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DID Does anybody else have ‘insiders’ but doesn’t hear voices?

Discussion in 'Other Disorders' started by Mercy Joy, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. Mercy Joy

    Mercy Joy New Member

    I was diagnosed with DDNOS (OSDD, whichever you want to call it) a few months back. I have an ‘awareness’ of different parts inside that heavily influence my thinking and my actions but I don’t switch between them. I feel really alone in all this. The things I’ve found to read are either geared toward DID or PTSD (which has still been helpful to read) but I can’t seem to find much on the specifics of what I’m going through. So I thought I’d check here.
    My girls (as I call them) see the world in different ways then my front self does. I know in my forefront that I am not bad and that I am a person who is worth being friends with and is worth good things happening to but I don’t feel it deep down. I can put all the chaos in my head away and function as a fairly normal person when I need to. But when I get triggered or I’m alone then all my ‘crazy’ starts leaking out and I get myself in dangerous situations. I’ve had so many ups and downs. When I’m in an ‘up’ then I almost can’t remember the downs and I feel silly for ever having thought that what I‘ve experienced was trauma. I start wondering if my mind is playing tricks on me and none of that stuff ever even happened. Or I wonder if I accidentally made things bigger than they were. My husband and my therapist have both said that I’ve experienced a lot of trauma but I feel stupid, like I’ve somehow miscommunicated to them. But really, I’ve barely ever talked about that’s stuff. Am I even making sense right now?
    Also, my therapist has been leaning toward a DID diagnosis but I don’t think I’ve been through enough to warrant that. Although, I don’t remember some of my childhood so who knows...
    But anyway, does anybody else go back and forth with what happened to them? Do you feel like maybe nothing really happened and you’re just crazy as a sprayed roach?
    Faith Andrews and Sandstone like this.
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  3. lostforgottensoul

    lostforgottensoul I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I have "parts" that are inside. 4 to be exact. But none take over. Thus not diagnosed with DID. But I do converse with them and have entire convos with them. They will come foward and I will often feel and think very young. Induge in child activities and do very child like things. The "inner child" if you will. There is a protector. A teenage one and a very angry one. This is common, it seems, and has been talked about a lot recently.

    There is a therapy that's called Internal Family Systems (IFS) that intreges me. Research it. I want to bring it up to my therapist but more important things came up. But I'd research that. Maybe bring it up to your therapist?
    Mercy Joy and EveHarrington like this.
  4. hithere

    hithere Well-Known Member

    yes to your question. I don't believe you are unique in this way of relating to yourself and the world.

    also Internal Family Systems was the most effective and very, very rapid in healing parts for me. More helpful than emdr and emdr was very helpful.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2018 at 7:52 PM
  5. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    I have parts that don't talk to me but they can talk and act through me, but who feel like distinct "inner people" as I like to call them.

    Some are even of a different racial identity to me.
    I'm not diagnosed with any dissociative disorder but I am diagnosed with "complex" PTSD.
    I think they are fairly well "intergrated" at this point, other than not beyond what is comfortable for me. I don't lose time or consciousness anymore.

    I can't remember a lot of my childhood as well, I think that's fairly common.
  6. Mercy Joy

    Mercy Joy New Member

    Thank you all for your responses. :)
    Have you ever woken up with cuts and bruises that you can’t explain?
    Do you have different memories when a different part is front and center? Are you able to do things and then unable to do them other times? Like drawing or playing an instrument? Or being left handed sometimes and other times right handed? Or anything along those lines?
    I’d like to hear about your experiences if so. :)
  7. lostforgottensoul

    lostforgottensoul I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Yep. Used to hurt myself down there in my sleep and wake up in pain and blood all over my hands. I now cut my finger nails short and my service dog in training wakes me from nightmares before it gets that bad.

    Memories, yes. I remember much of my younger experiences when my "inner child: is in the forground. But I never loose memory. I know what's happening at all times. It's more emotional for me. I feel young and I think young but my adult mind is always there and I can remember everything that happens. Now, when I deeply disocissate that's another story.
    Mercy Joy likes this.
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