Does anybody want to join in being a routine buddy (“accountability” partner)?

Actualise

Learning
Does anybody want to join in being a routine buddy? “Accountability” partner sounds a bit big stick like to me, though maybe that is just an association with a previous T that got angry at me when her one size fits all CBT didn’t work on me. I’m thinking more of just optional gentle encouragement for anyone that wants it.
I realise checking in is like a kind of CBT reminder device but I’m intending to just try to get in synch to get some structure that’s all.
I have had real challenges structuring my day and sticking to good sleep hygiene.

Maybe we could post check in updates for hitting marks in our schedule whatever they are. Eg
-went to sleep by _o’ clock ✅
-got up by _✅
-got exercise done
-meditated etc

Or any other suggestions for how to do it?

People being in different time zones is ok.

I’m not sure if this is posted in the right place, please advise if it should be elsewhere.

I have been struggling with this for ages. It would be great to sort it out next year.
 

Denial-River

New Here
Does anybody want to join in being a routine buddy? “Accountability” partner sounds a bit big stick like to me, though maybe that is just an association with a previous T that got angry at me when her one size fits all CBT didn’t work on me. I’m thinking more of just optional gentle encouragement for anyone that wants it.
I realise checking in is like a kind of CBT reminder device but I’m intending to just try to get in synch to get some structure that’s all.
I have had real challenges structuring my day and sticking to good sleep hygiene.

Maybe we could post check in updates for hitting marks in our schedule whatever they are. Eg
-went to sleep by _o’ clock ✅
-got up by _✅
-got exercise done
-meditated etc

Or any other suggestions for how to do it?

People being in different time zones is ok.

I’m not sure if this is posted in the right place, please advise if it should be elsewhere.

I have been struggling with this for ages. It would be great to sort it out next year.
PLEASE!!!! I ❤︎ this idea for the loooongist time now, and it is LITERALLY always a group that I am not allowed to attend due to “other demographics in much more need” thus they are lucky if they are even in the wait list!” I NEED this-fingers crossed! 🤞🏼
 

Actualise

Learning
Hi Denial-River!
So glad to hear from you!
I too have struggled to find resources available to me. I’ve tried lots of reminder apps etc but it all becomes invisible wallpaper to me that I just go straight past. Here’s hoping this works :)

What are your thoughts on how to do it? Maybe we could check in periodically to report on how well we’re doing. It could be daily or every few days.
The marks I want to hit include:
-meditate on waking
-do gratitude etc stuff
-hydrate and drink green tea
-do exercise
-read a hardcopy book before bed
-do gratitude and meditation stuff
-go to sleep 10pm

There might be more later I’ll see. I just want to get some benchmarks to hit to get structure into my day.

What do you think?

Btw happy new year :)
 

Denial-River

New Here
Hi Denial-River!
So glad to hear from you!
I too have struggled to find resources available to me. I’ve tried lots of reminder apps etc but it all becomes invisible wallpaper to me that I just go straight past. Here’s hoping this works :)

What are your thoughts on how to do it? Maybe we could check in periodically to report on how well we’re doing. It could be daily or every few days.
The marks I want to hit include:
-meditate on waking
-do gratitude etc stuff
-hydrate and drink green tea
-do exercise
-read a hardcopy book before bed
-do gratitude and meditation stuff
-go to sleep 10pm

There might be more later I’ll see. I just want to get some benchmarks to hit to get structure into my day.

What do you think?

Btw happy new year :)
Wow, that’s an ambitious list, good for you! It would be awesome to be an accountable partner, and I am really looking forward to hearing about how your journey is going toward your goals!! 🥳
What I need to aim for seems a bit odd compared to yours, but I promise I will actually have to try about just as hard. I HAVE(not need) to “just chill out”, for lack of a better way to put it. I am continuing to work towards getting away from a very unhealthy life that is actively robbing me of my mental health. I need to get to a stable work place and safe home *quickly*, and Somehow force myself to stop making things worse by fighting to fix ‘all of the things’. It’s not going to be easy but I have to learn to live ‘off the leash’ in peace(and safety). I’ll have to figure a lot out that I was too ashamed that I didn’t already learn to do younger-hobbies, relaxing(on purpose), trying not to keep starting the chase back up to get more money, better job, obsess about idea to move to safer place, etc., ya know? I have a lot to learn before things on the ‘outside’ get too hard on top of everything we are working on. Sorry for the long goals describing, I also am unsure of exactly how we should check in-maybe pick a weekly action plan w/SMART rules? I know they were helpful on weeks i helped assist in a diabetes management group even when the action I picked was something completely unrelated to my work, but done in ‘the spirit of’ taking care of ALL my needs(example: picking goal to have eaten popcorn fresh from microwave while relaxing at least two nights before the next check-in. Sorry I’m all over the place/hoping this made sense!!! I hope to hear from u soon! Lemme know what your ideas are & what you’re leaning toward, and keeping in mind that we are going to rock these goals out!!! Awesome! 😎 I’m super stoked
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
If I can be included, I like the idea of a weekly action plan with SMART rules. We could have an overall plan for the year, then weekly goals. In the short term I would like to pick up my Buddhist practice and get more exercise, eat less carbs. I have other goals but those are the ones that float to the top. I also want to have a daily gratitude list which could be done on the "What are you grateful for" thread. This could go a long way towards getting back on the healing track.
 

Actualise

Learning
Hi Denial-River and welcome DharmaGirl! Great to hear from you both!

DharmaGirl - accountability yes. I am a bit triggered by anything like hard stick waving discipline so shied away from that term. But sure, by whatever name 🙂.

Denial-River - I can understand some people need to relax, even need to learn to do it.
Getting a stable safe situation is important to be able to recover. I’ve had some challenges with that myself in the past. I had a scare about getting evicted by a bullying landlord recently. Sometimes it feels like the world won’t stop around you even though you haven’t got your head together to manage anything yet!
There are loads of things I need to learn that loads of others learned at a much younger age. I think that’s common for many so nothing weird there. Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like you learned society’s dominating message in a lot of Western capitalist societies very well ie spend most of your time working hard and make loads of money to be successful.

I’ve never heard of SMART rules - please enlighten me! I googled but there seem to be a variety of different definitions.
This is great! Let’s groupsource the framework for us to go forward with!
Here are some thoughts I had on what we could do:
  1. Set our objectives. People can state their goals or if they want to omit specifics they could just say goal A goal B etc and they will know what they refer to
  2. Check in to record for yourself how well you have adhered. Poss aim to check in minimum once a week. People can check in more/ everyday if they want, ie take things one day at a time. I think this could be encouraging for people to record and see their achievement “on paper” and build it more and more and it can boost others in their goals too. We could pick a day as a benchmark to signal the start of the week. Monday is traditional. I like Sunday as psychologically it makes me think I’m getting a headstart, but any day will do. At the end of the week we can see what our tally was eg 7/7 if you smashed it out every day that week or if a goal is to do something 3 times a day and you achieved some of that then the result might be 15/21
  3. Also if people are struggling they can drop in and say so. We can give each other encouragement to stay on the wagon/ get back on the wagon, be kind to themselves, send people prayers/ energy etc to help them
  4. We can share tips on achieving goals/ creating or breaking habits that we have found helpful or have heard about that have proved useful.
What do you all think? What other ideas do you have?

If we can hammer out some guidelines as soon as we can we can begin at the start of the year according to mainstream categorising. (Of course every day, minute, second is the start of a new year and time as we know it is just a tool to help us manage our lives 😉.)
Should we set a date by which to get the group’s “prototype” 🧐 sorted? What about by the 14th January? We can run with whatever we have by then and of course we can always improve things as we go along.
Yes! We can smash it out this year! Go team! 💪🏋️‍♀️ 🏅 ✌️ 🙏💚💗
 

Starfire

Confident
This may be a technicality... But I belonged briefly to a group that, in my opinion, degenerated into this. A competition. *I did 6 things you only did 4. I win*. I would love seeing what others are doing and usurping their great ideas. Want help to just keeping before me what I need to do. Too often for me it becomes a I'll do it tomorrow instead. Of course, soon I've totally forgotten about it. Help in turning those good things, I know I should be doing, into real habits. No guilting myself or other when the day only has 24 hours.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
SMART goals are goals that are
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time based

So, I would like to listen to a dharma podcast once a week every week on Sunday.
I would like to meditate 5 times a week for 5 minutes at a time.
I would like to post one thing I'm grateful for every day.

I don't know that it would degenerate into a competition, @Starfire, since we are making goals for ourselves and trying to create different habits. If someone hits their goals more times than I do, good on them. I'm interested in bettering myself.
 

Actualise

Learning
Welcome Starfire! We will all have different goals so we couldn’t really compare ourselves. If some do have the same goals we still can’t really compare each other as we’re different people/ have different start points.
Competition, that we’re isolated separate beings and the idea that things are finite are so ingrained generally in our Western culture. They tend to make people think that you have to beat others and win or you lose, that we gain our value from our position as measured against others either better or worse and if someone does well there is less left for others in a zero sum game.
But really we gain our value from within ourselves. As you look out, your perception with all in it is yours, you want the best for yourself and so you’re pulling for all in your perception to go well - including other’s success. The best for yourself is the best for all and I think there is an unlimited amount of success available 😀.
Thanks for bringing that up I think it could be a common frame of mind in mainstream Western society.

I’m going for the encouragement approach myself instead of big stick penalties and threats. If others find penalties work for them they can use them themselves.
If you want to join in they would be great, we’ll be pulling for you 🙂!

DharmaGirl -re SMART rules thanks for the explain they sound great yes let’s use that.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Hi, I’m interested in an accountability group. I suspect that I will struggle with sustaining focus. I deal with self-sabotage, denial, and isolation which hampers developing new habits.

A goal I have is eating three meals a day and three snacks. Another one is clean for ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes in the evening. And a third is to focus on email for at least 30 minutes a week.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
SMART goals are goals that are
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time based

So, I would like to listen to a dharma podcast once a week every week on Sunday.
I would like to meditate 5 times a week for 5 minutes at a time.
I would like to post one thing I'm grateful for every day.

I don't know that it would degenerate into a competition, @Starfire, since we are making goals for ourselves and trying to create different habits. If someone hits their goals more times than I do, good on them. I'm interested in bettering myself.
Smart goals, as you refer to them, are what I used in Special Ed to write IEPS. I think they are great for setting an annual long term goal, and then having short term goals. I think like that after 30 years of teaching and writing goals and objectives.....and I think it's a great way to concretize what you want to work on for both the short and long term.
 
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