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Does anyone else find it difficult to even hear the words?

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oakleaves

MyPTSD Pro
Just that, really.

I had an assessment for therapy recently and the therapist asked a question with specific words in it describing the kind of trauma I have experienced and I felt like I couldn't cope with her saying it. I felt really overwhelmed and almost frozen. I did manage to write it down once though. I don't know if that makes it even more strange that I feel like I can't cope with people saying it.

I don't know if this is a common problem so am just trying to find out whether it is, or whether it is more unusual?

It's like I am so avoidant I can't even hear the words. I can't say them myself, I can't hear someone say them, especially not in relation to myself. It just triggers so much shame and fear.
 
It took me a long time to say the word “rape.” The word molest is one that I will now type and then erase and replace with other wording. I seriously still want to deny the child stuff. Being in therapy is making it harder and harder to do that. The more you accept that stuff really happened, the easier it is to write or say the words.
 
Yes I was very much like this. I just couldn't say things. My favorite example always is telling someone something, even the therapist, and calling them later or at night and saying "don't every say to anyone what I told you." This is very normal to feel like this and I still feel it now but not at all like it was in the beginning. Plus I have parts and one part is perfectly comfortable saying certain things but when I talk about some things there is another part that takes precedence. Then I literally yell out loud. I used to now I just correct? Literally the therapist (any of them) like say something and I blurt out "don't say that," or "don't talk like that!" Plus I would never write anything down. Never. I just couldn't think about leaving that stuff around and having someone find it and read it. I think I tried a couple times and I'd be driving and think "did I leave that out?" and practically drive off the road.
 
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I refuse to use the words rape or victim. Because that's not me

Which is stupid because it is.

Ts say once I can it will mean I'm nearing start of a new phase of therapy

And I hate writing things down but keeping a journal has helped me because I can go back and compare how I was doing last year to this year. Which balances out the danger of someone reading it

And I still have regular panic attacks about posting here!!!:)
 
For me there is something about hearing it said by someone else out loud...makes it way too real, even though I rationally know it is real....then there is the whole other layer of hearing myself saying something out loud (if I get it out)....I think it has part to do with involving yet another sense.
 
Hi @oakleaves.. At first yes I couldn't say the R word let alone G R.... Gang r..., it too awhile... It was uncomfortable... It in away still is. Why isn't that?.... Why is it so uncomfortable.... I'm just really speaking aloud... I don't have the answers....
Maybe it's what the word means... Or maybe that one word doesn't even begin to describe the trauma and pain.. You have to endure for the rest of your life.

Im so sorry it happened to you too.

Therapy will help... Take care..
 
I am currently having trouble forming words to say what happened. It's not that I don't realize my therapist hasn't heard it before in some form, but not from me..make sense? Plus I want to find alternate, more soft terms for what happened and I can't. They are just graphic and ugly. I want to say them and get it out but it's a matter of finding the courage.
 
Yes. I still have this problem but maybe it has lessened. I wrote a poem about my therapist early on it was titled, "You Said the word" It was about my reaction tot he therapist saying "the word" -the T was just throwing it around left and right that day on my third session. It was so triggering I holed up in my house and didn't work for a week.
 
I can say "sexual abuse" but not my language's equivalent of rape. I never say I'm a victim either, although I do victimize myself a lot emotionally.
I use the technical terms mostly..
 
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