Feeling that if you allow yourself anything nice or a luxury item or allow yourself to relax you will make something bad happen or something bad will happen to punish you? I get really caught up in it and it can become really hard to let myself have or do anything. I don't know if it is a ptsd thing but maybe cptsd and maybe also if you are someone who feels responsible for things. I don't know. It makes decisions take a lot longer than they should and it makes me sad.