Does anyone feel like they have a before and after phase

kirbs

Learning
Was hit with an situation in the early months of 2020, when Corona swung into full force. Wasn't directly related to the virus but heightened stress load and anxieties at the work place ultimately caused me to sort of have an emotional event that affected me profoundly.

Ever since, and knowing I'm still dealing with the consequences, I can't help but feel there's always a before- and after phase I mentally categorize in my life. Before phase was anything before 2020, where I could do anything I wanted whether it was movies, going out etc. without being triggered and had that freedom. After is after that period where I have to just go about differently in my life, knowing and managing how to deal with emotional sequelae I still carry.

In every day life I feel like there's constantly that reminder. I'll see a file I've written on my pc and go "oh that was before", or on the other side a game I've played and remember whether that took place when I was still unbridled or after the event. It's sort of unconscious but always there. Feels like I'm always comparing to my former self and it just evokes such sadness in a sense, even though on the other end I do realize there might've also been growth, I still lament having come into contact with that other part that affected me so profoundly. Must be most common sentiments I'm sure but just wish I could go back sometimes to that sense of freedom I used to experience, even in bad moments in retrospect that was something very unique and a sort of calmness and rest that I hope to someday recapture (currently probably going to sign up for a new therapy with fingers crossed it'll work out).

Sorry if that's a bit of a blog-post 😂 just something I find myself thinking about frequently on some level I guess
 
most definitely. And again, and again. But, some are changes in direction that turned out to be good so dont give up hope that the next oh crap now what moment might send you careening into a place you are glad you found.
 
This is a common concept, although I haven’t heard it discussed in a number of years now. It was talked about a lot when I was in treatment. It’s not a concept that I can identify with though, as my trauma was very early in life. I just wanted to say that you aren’t alone in your struggles as it’s common to have a before and after concept.
 
Yes & No.

Before. After. Learning. Decisions Meet Luck. New normal.

…until the next chapter in my life.

Would be a far more accurate description of the process.
 
Dont we all speak in terms of "before Covid" and after? Just saying, most people have scuff marks and dinged up parts that tell a story of before and after, we diagnosed ones don't get to think we are alone, maybe deeper dents and more baggage but in this before and after arena we are just like everyone else. My daughter said "I know it was after 2018 cause I had my tattoo" the other day, so, yeah, dings and scuffs and dents and fortuitous events cause me to think in terms of before and after. Maybe you think I am making light of the deep traumas that affect your life and made it be so totally different, but that's not my intent. My point is that we are resiliant and sometimes good comes from what seemed like a horrible change, and most importantly, we are all of us going to have something to point to that defined a before and after to some degree. I truly hope that you can, and I can, find a way to get on the new paths without letting the sudden changes in direction define who we are going to be
 
Back
Top