i don't know how should i feel. c-pstd has been around the corner my whole life and im just tired. but the most recent abuser on my life has been the one who has taken more time on my head than the rest of them all. not because she did the worst things, but because how much i loved her and cared for her. and my question is: does it ever, genuinely gets better? i feel so stuck in the time. the last day of this month will be a year since we broke up — but not since everything's was over. and this year I've learnt so many things, don't mind me, but at the same time i feel so... lost? stupid? because i feel like it's never going to go away. i started therapy that didn't help for much to the topic since my therapist kinda didn't know what to do with me, and now im about to start help again with a new therapist trauma informed. i should feel happy, and don't get me wrong, i am, but at the same time i can't feel but feel completely scared. terrified. terrified that the treatment won't work with me, terrified that even after getting all that help, this will never go away. i know it never fully won't. and that's so.. tough to accept. i keep having nightmares, everyday, feeling her here with me. and it's been so long, i should be over everything that happened, but im not. im scared as a little kid just as the day she left. im over her, but im not over all the trauma she left with me. it was too much, it is too much. everything feels unbearable and i wish i could get rest from the topic but all i do is repeating the same thoughts and events on my mind over and over again. i want a day, JUST A DAY without thinking about the topic. i want to feel like myself again.