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Does it replay over and over with physical sensations and all?

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by SpiritSong, May 10, 2018.

  1. SpiritSong

    SpiritSong I love flowers! Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I am wondering if you feel it physically when you have flashbacks and triggers? I seem to.

    I will all of a sudden feel the sensations, even though I was not thinking of sex or wanting it or anything of the sort. I might be reading something about plants and gardening and all of a sudden I feel in my body what happened years and years ago!

    I just want to know that I am not alone, that this happens to someone else too! Does it?
    AliciaEff and Sweetleaf like this.
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  3. Hopeforlife

    Hopeforlife Active Member

    For me yes sometimes. During my childhood I froze a lot so sometimes the flashbacks are a little patchy. But I do feel physical pain and I also feel the ‘frozen’ tense feeling like my muscles constrict and I don’t remember to breath just exactly how I responded during the trauma. If I have an intense day of flashbacks my body physically aches. Anxiety is at its peak. It’s tough, real tough.
    AliciaEff and KwanYingirl like this.
  4. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    Not my sexual assaults, but I have flashbacks of other trauma. How many senses are involved varies.

    I’m mostly prone to the movie-style waking-nightmare style flashbacks where everything is present. But I also get single sense flashbacks. Most commonly smells or pain, sometimes sights/sound/touch/emotions.
    AliciaEff, Sietz, Mee and 1 other person like this.
  5. Mee

    Mee Well-Known Member

    Two parts of my sexual asset yes.

    The other things I ’feel’ are the ’sweet’ bits. I remain confused really over what was truth and what was lie. I think mmy mind and body them over and feel them to try and look for ’tells’ of lies/ deception. I think this happens because my mind thinks if it can ’spot ’ them I won’t be fooled by them again. The bad stuff I can process more easily , it's the good stuff that confuses me more really .
    AliciaEff and Sietz like this.
  6. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    Can you elaborate?
  7. Mee

    Mee Well-Known Member

    I am not sure. Not sure if it will make sense. I do not want to say too much.

    I think in What I consider my trigger incident is that the element if betrayal was not small. The parts that i felt safe and loved either weren’t real and the extent of crossover of that and the rape aren’t clear. There was involvement but... How much I don’t know and never will. the police the rape advocates my therapist all have ’a bad feeling’ about what I fear: the police most vociferously said what they feared and it was what I did to; but it's unprovable. So reviewing over where I put my trust and affection is haunting. I find my self crying after this often, but numb.

    The bits of the sexual assault I revisit physically ? Did you mean that? I keenly remember waking up to it.
    Sometimes as I am about to fall asleep I feel ’that’ unwanted touch for a moment. Sometimes when I am about to relax. The other part I remember is when I realised it wasn’g going to stop and I decided to comply to hasten it. When ever I do things like clear the shower drain or clean the toilet I ’feel’ that. It's momentary : it's not disabling. It's an unpleasantness that lasts a very short period of time. And I know some one is going to pick me up on minimising ; but it really is not the worst for me.
    Zoogal likes this.
  8. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    I'm sorry I didn't mean to ask you to go so detailed .I'm sorry if that was upsetting.
    I was more asking about the betrayal part than the physical part. How that plays out now. It's ok you don't have to answer.
    Mee likes this.
  9. Mee

    Mee Well-Known Member

    It's ok.

    We are here for the work, right? I can always say I cannot answer.

    I just don’t know how to discuss the betrayal part while remaining safe here. I was ’doxxed’ before when discussing it and received threats to contact my partner’s family. Sigh. I do not take these very seriously and... We told them anyway so that if it happened they were prepared .

    A lot I just have to not bring here because I feel it risks making my partner/ partners da.ply and me vulnerable for these people if they find me :( god I hate the paranoia too!
    Zoogal likes this.
  10. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    I understand.
  11. Joan

    Joan Well-Known Member Donated

    You are not alone! Those physical feelings suck!
    SpiritSong likes this.
  12. AliciaEff

    AliciaEff Active Member

    I have them all the time. Inwas abused so there’s a lot there, but one I can feel strongly and I feel it often.
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