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Does the ptsd ever go away?

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mindys1550

Learning
I am doing so much better. I am finally a functioning human being and I am able to be present in the moment. I thought that life was finally going to be good. I am a teacher and I was loving my job teaching preschool autistic students. Then BAM! Just like that it was all over and I am trying to cope. My principal decided to pick on me for some reason. I can't be sure but I kind of think job stress might be getting to him so he decided to pick on what he thought was the weakest link. That would be me. He knows how upset a get anytime he calls me in for doing something "wrong" and knowing this gives him power and probably makes him feel better about himself. So he pushed it all to the max and I got close to losing my job and probably will lose it in the long run. But, I out on FLMA right now because the stress has my PTSD in full swing and my blood pressure is through the roof. Things are nuts right now and I can't relax at all. This monster is messing up my life and adding to the stress of my poor husband and neither of us have done anything to deserve this. Why is it that they see your weakness and decide to use it? Why do the abusers always come back. I just want to be left alone but there is always some wanting to pounce. I feel like it never ends.

Anyway, I am pushing back. I won't give in this time. I have a plan. A legal way of trying to stop him. I won't give in. I won't let him hurt me. I am tired of being hurt.
 
Mine only kicks in when I feel threatened. My boss picking on me definitely makes me feel threatened. Too many years of abuse and it is lots better but some parts of things I can't seem to control. What about you recovering?
 
I was abused all my life until I left everyone and everything behind when I was about 40 years old. My mom was a huge problem for me and it was actually a relief when she died. My life is a thousand fold better and I am married to a wonderful man now. I had a wonderful therapist that helped me process things. What happened with you if you feel like sharing?
 
What happened with you if you feel like sharing?
@mindys1550 I spent 1.5 years with all 3 forms of abuse (including a rape by a staff member) from a for profit group home organization DSS social worker was told about the abuse only to be told to "learn to live with it". They got shut down 7 years later with the death of tammy agee a client under there care. They dumped me on the street, where I found myself having to do prostitution to survive where I ended up drinking heavily to cope. They would do hold downs sometimes for no reason at all, and purposely torment sometimes to the point of catatonia. Expressing non-verbally often brought more abuse, and sometimes not expressing at all brought more abuse. After them I was no longer a functioning human being.
 
I am so sorry. My situation was never that horrible. I can't imagine how scared you must be all of the time. I know how I get when the triggers hit and it is horrible. Like now, I am afraid to go out without my husband. I am getting the body aches and pains too. But, your situation would be unbearable. I wish people could act like human beings. I will never understand how people can treat each other so badly.

Safe hugs to you my friend recovering.

That is actually a funny comment because I didn't believe hugs could be safe. At least not until I met my T and husband. I am lucky.
 
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@recoveringfromptsd
I am sorry that you don't feel safe...even in your room with your cat? It's probably because memories follow us everywhere? I think the EMDR brought too much up with no "safe place?"

I couldn't let anyone in my "space" for years! Children... Are ok.... And I am better at giving hugs, versus receiving them. Meaning it has to be MY choice. Our family NEVER hugged.

My son, daughter and family are easy to hug...But I still don't like hugging my mother. I fake it once in a while for her... Out of guilt.

I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to touch or hold my children, that I didn't have bottles in the house so I would have to nurse them. I broke the chain of hating touch and didn't pass it on to my kids.

I knew that it's hard to be in a relationship when ya hate being touched. Hence, 4 divorces and permanently single for 23 years and counting...
 
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it's hard to be in a relationship
@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I find it impossible to engage in any relationship that has any love and intimacy, thus the only intimacy I get is from superficial exploitative relations, that often become extreme as I sometimes use it for numbing, to turn off the pain, and I am in control is the only way it does not trigger me. I will always be alone in this regard. I hate life. It sucks.
 
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