barefoot
MyPTSD Pro
I seem to have a lot of experiences with doctors that are somehow inappropriate – either physically or with boundaries or they are over-zealously helpful in a way that actually isn't etc. Not saying they are all abusive or terrible people doing something seriously wrong. Just that I seem to have more than my fair share of getting caught up in overstepping/weirdness (even if their intentions are clearly good).
Latest one:
I've been feeling dizzy and nauseous quite frequently over the past few months. Went to GP about it yesterday – a same day appointment, so I basically just saw whoever had a gap. Was a woman about my age, I hadn't seen her before, she seemed ok and nice enough.
She asked loads of questions, took my blood pressure, asked about my heart etc then said she's going to listen to my heart.
I was wearing a loose t-shirt with quite a deep scoop neck to make blood pressure/whatever else checks easily accessible. She stood in front of where I was sitting and said I'd need to lift my top up so that she could get to listen to my heart. I lifted my top up a bit, thinking she just needed to poke it up a bit. She said I had to lift it right up because she needed to put the stethoscope right under my left boob. So, I did that and was really aware that I was pretty exposed.
After a while she said she needed to listen higher on my chest, so I put my top down thinking she was just going to go down the front of my top. Because, the scoop of the neckline was fairly low so she would have only had to place it just under there to get to where she wanted to go. But she said, no, I had to lift my top right up, even higher.
So, I did that, lifting my top up from the bottom and pulling it right up so high that it's partly covering my face. My boobs are just completely out. Well, they're in underwear, not naked...but I was pretty much just sitting in my bra with my arms and top up over my head.
So that she could listen to my heart.
I felt really awkward. Stared at a spot on the ceiling. Probably had a bit of a freeze, thinking on it.
I'm not saying she was doing anything dodgy. I don't think she had any ill-intentions. I know that feeling exposed in medical settings is triggering for me because of old stuff, so there is that.
But I just don't get that. I don't get how it is necessary to have a patient pretty much just sitting in her bra for a good while so that you can listen to her heart?
And, thinking on it, I don't think the male GPs I've seen there would have done that. Because I think they would have been mindful of the fact that they're in a room on their own with a female patient and asking them to as good as take their top off for you to listen to their heart isn't really necessary. And, if it's not necessary because you can still listen to her heart without her sitting with her boobs out, it's probably inappropriate to ask her to do that.
I wonder if, as a female doctor, she just didn't think that there was any potential issue? So, she was perhaps less mindful than a male doctor may have been in that context?
As I say, I'm aware that I have issues with doctors/medical examinations etc from when I was a kid. So, I guess I am (overly?) sensitive to these kinds of situations and can find them triggering. And I am not suggesting for a moment that this doctor yesterday was dodgy in any way.
But it felt so exposing and shameful.
And I hate how, even though it felt unneccessary and even though I sat there thinking, 'I don't need to lift my top right up over my head – you can just put the stethoscope right underneath my neckline to be where you want to be' – I didn't say anything and I just pulled my top up. I really, really hate that that's how I respond.
Later, when I told my partner about it and showed her how far up I'd had to lift my top, she looked shocked. Then she said, 'What is it with you? Why do you always get all the weirdo doctors?'
My T has also said before that I have a habit of finding unfortunate doctors.
Trying hard not to go down that path of 'So, what is it with me?! Why do I attract these people?! Why do they act this way with me?!'
And also trying hard not to keep feeling furious with myself for always silently complying with doctors because I can't ever seem to stand up to them.
And, you know, if you all say that you always have to take your top off for a stethoscope because that's the only way they'll hear your heartbeat, then that's fine, that's ok...I don't have much experience with it so if I think it feels unnecessary but you all say that, actually, it is necessary, then I will know that that's expected.
Do things like this happen to you? And, if so, does it bother you?
I don't think the GP yesterday has done anything really wrong. But I do feel a bit upset by the experience. I guess I'm wondering if/how much I'm over reacting.
Latest one:
I've been feeling dizzy and nauseous quite frequently over the past few months. Went to GP about it yesterday – a same day appointment, so I basically just saw whoever had a gap. Was a woman about my age, I hadn't seen her before, she seemed ok and nice enough.
She asked loads of questions, took my blood pressure, asked about my heart etc then said she's going to listen to my heart.
I was wearing a loose t-shirt with quite a deep scoop neck to make blood pressure/whatever else checks easily accessible. She stood in front of where I was sitting and said I'd need to lift my top up so that she could get to listen to my heart. I lifted my top up a bit, thinking she just needed to poke it up a bit. She said I had to lift it right up because she needed to put the stethoscope right under my left boob. So, I did that and was really aware that I was pretty exposed.
After a while she said she needed to listen higher on my chest, so I put my top down thinking she was just going to go down the front of my top. Because, the scoop of the neckline was fairly low so she would have only had to place it just under there to get to where she wanted to go. But she said, no, I had to lift my top right up, even higher.
So, I did that, lifting my top up from the bottom and pulling it right up so high that it's partly covering my face. My boobs are just completely out. Well, they're in underwear, not naked...but I was pretty much just sitting in my bra with my arms and top up over my head.
So that she could listen to my heart.
I felt really awkward. Stared at a spot on the ceiling. Probably had a bit of a freeze, thinking on it.
I'm not saying she was doing anything dodgy. I don't think she had any ill-intentions. I know that feeling exposed in medical settings is triggering for me because of old stuff, so there is that.
But I just don't get that. I don't get how it is necessary to have a patient pretty much just sitting in her bra for a good while so that you can listen to her heart?
And, thinking on it, I don't think the male GPs I've seen there would have done that. Because I think they would have been mindful of the fact that they're in a room on their own with a female patient and asking them to as good as take their top off for you to listen to their heart isn't really necessary. And, if it's not necessary because you can still listen to her heart without her sitting with her boobs out, it's probably inappropriate to ask her to do that.
I wonder if, as a female doctor, she just didn't think that there was any potential issue? So, she was perhaps less mindful than a male doctor may have been in that context?
As I say, I'm aware that I have issues with doctors/medical examinations etc from when I was a kid. So, I guess I am (overly?) sensitive to these kinds of situations and can find them triggering. And I am not suggesting for a moment that this doctor yesterday was dodgy in any way.
But it felt so exposing and shameful.
And I hate how, even though it felt unneccessary and even though I sat there thinking, 'I don't need to lift my top right up over my head – you can just put the stethoscope right underneath my neckline to be where you want to be' – I didn't say anything and I just pulled my top up. I really, really hate that that's how I respond.
Later, when I told my partner about it and showed her how far up I'd had to lift my top, she looked shocked. Then she said, 'What is it with you? Why do you always get all the weirdo doctors?'
My T has also said before that I have a habit of finding unfortunate doctors.
Trying hard not to go down that path of 'So, what is it with me?! Why do I attract these people?! Why do they act this way with me?!'
And also trying hard not to keep feeling furious with myself for always silently complying with doctors because I can't ever seem to stand up to them.
And, you know, if you all say that you always have to take your top off for a stethoscope because that's the only way they'll hear your heartbeat, then that's fine, that's ok...I don't have much experience with it so if I think it feels unnecessary but you all say that, actually, it is necessary, then I will know that that's expected.
Do things like this happen to you? And, if so, does it bother you?
I don't think the GP yesterday has done anything really wrong. But I do feel a bit upset by the experience. I guess I'm wondering if/how much I'm over reacting.