Dr. Appt Fear

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m getting more and more terrified of it. It’s a gynecology appointment but I’m not so much scared of the actual pap part. I’m way more terrified of just speaking to him. I’m so sure he’s going to be angry and disappointed in me for not being thinner because that was a discussion we had years ago the last time I saw him. I was supposed to be losing weight and I haven’t, I’ve actually gained a little and I know that’s going to make him mad and I don’t want to disappoint him. I don’t want to let him down with my failure to just do better.

I don’t know what I’m asking for exactly in this post. I just need to vent the anxiety I guess. I really want to cut and run to a different doc but they’re all the same and I’ve been to more than a few of the women docs around here and I hate them with a passion. He’s the only I’ve found that I’m comfortable with on the Pap test part. It’s just everything else.
 

Friday

Moderator
what I get so damn stressed to the point of literally hurting myself
Why one gets stressed is a wicked useful thing to know… as it lets one go after the root causes, to prevent the stress in the first place, and be aware of the stressors that are in play. (Like authoritwa, helplessness, feeling vulnerable, being naked -if you’re in a hospital gown, or worse the giant paper napkin things- & vulnerable, etc. etc. etc. just listing a few common ones), or actual triggers if your trauma involves doctors/hospitals at all (the scent of antiseptic, the feel of a cuff on your arm, medical terminology heard half unconscious, etc.).

But just KNOWING you’re gonna be stressed to you hairline? Gives you a lot of options, too, with Stress Cup stuff.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m getting more and more terrified of it.
You are not alone. Since being diagnosed my fear over all things medical has gone through the roof. Because of where the person who caused my trauma was at the time, I have a trigger on my right side. Reaching over from there is a no go. Dentist? and what side do they work from? F*cking nightmare. It's how everything is set up in their office.
So, Ativan. It helps a lot. Is something like that possible?
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
You are not alone. Since being diagnosed my fear over all things medical has gone through the roof. Because of where the person who caused my trauma was at the time, I have a trigger on my right side. Reaching over from there is a no go. Dentist? and what side do they work from? F*cking nightmare. It's how everything is set up in their office.
So, Ativan. It helps a lot. Is something like that possible?

Possibly, I can see if it is. And gosh I’m so sorry that happens for you!
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
I felt some effect - it was a bit weird. It did definitely did take the edge off and I was more relaxed. Next day was a little not great but not bad either so that means the stress was down from where it would have been..

From what I understand its not great if you have a history of addiction as it's pretty bad stuff if you get hooked. I would maybe get a couple from your doc and then repeat if it works before stressful appointments.
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
It’s so wrong that people tend to be scared or even terrified about this kind of appointment.

I get you’re trying to be helpful and I want to acknowledge that and acknowledge that my mind is in a bad place right now. But no, it’s not “wrong” that I feel anyway about anything. If I’m scared it’s because I have a damn good reason. I may not be sure of what it is I’m exactly scared of, it may not be direct, and it may be a multitude of things piled up. But I’m not wrong. Weak maybe, whining definitely, but not wrong. Friday listed off some good points as to why the fear may be there. On top of what she said is I’m put in a position very similar to how I was as a child with my stepfather and his friends staring at me when I’m vulnerable, touching me, and all I can do is lay there and take it.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
It’s so wrong that people tend to be scared or even terrified about this kind of appointment.
It's a matter of memories, stressors, and trauma. When what you feel triggers those memories sometimes it's too much to deal with and no matter how much grounding and stress management you do.
I know how they feel. Those ghosts slide in and surprise and trigger you. 45 years later they are still there, waiting.....
 
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