Dreams about abuse

Savannah21

New Here
Hello everyone! So I am 21 years old and still have nightmares about when my mom abusing me physically,emotionally, and mentally and my family standing aside and watching it happen and acting like nothing was wrong. My question is how do I get them to stop? I’ve tried counseling, writing it down in a journal, talking to friends about it but still every night or few nights I have dreams about being abused ( all different in each dream) it messes with my sleep and keeps me up a lot of times at night. I would like to get help for them to stop. I’m in school and working so when I don’t get enough sleep I tend to fall asleep a lot when in class or busy at work.

Examples of abuse:

example 1: my mom started abusing me at the age of 5. The first time it happen was when I came home from school and gave my brothers gum balls that I had gotten and they chewed it and stuck it in my hair. When I told my mom about it she grabbed me and slammed my head on the floor and dragged me by my hair and cut all my hair off. My granny saw it happen and did nothing to stop it.

Example 2: at age 10 I forgot my baseball shirt at my dad’s house and had a baseball game the next day. She dragged me by my hair( with my dad yelling at her to stop ) to my room and beat me with the belt with my pants and underwear pulled down. They both had a tug a war match with me in the middle pulling my arms. My dad told me to go with him and my mom threatened him to take him to court because she has custody of me and he only got weekends and threaten to take me away and for him to never see me again and have him deported. He left and my mom told me that my dad didn’t care about me and it was my fault that I got my ass beat. The next morning I had bruises on my wrist and on the back of my legs and butt. My mom made me wear a long sleeve shirt under another jersey we found and it was 95 out and sunny.
3 example: I told my mom I wanted to live with my dad at the age 12. She made me sit outside out in the sun during the summer and it was super hot. She made me make a sign and stand out for hours for cars to pick me up and take me. When no one did she took me to the back of our house and told me sit out there because she didn’t want people to see how miserable I was and ruin their day. Later the night she said I couldn’t have dinner and made me sleep outside with the dogs. (We lived in the country side up in eastern Kentucky) there was a couple of coyotes running around at that time.

example 4: in middle school me and my oldest brother got into a fight. He was picking on our youngest brother and wouldn’t leave him alone so I stepped in when he about hit him. He punched me in the face and my eye and sides of my head were he hit me swell up to the point I couldn’t see. My mom told me I deserved it and made me go to school with it.
Even when I was questioned about it and told them what happen and what my mom said she told them I was lying for attention and believed her and left it at that.

example 5: in highschool I met a really cool girl. At the time I didn’t know if I liked girls or not. I was raised that it was bad to like the same sex and grew up in a strict religious household. I wasn’t aloud to do thing most girls did.
I couldn’t go to sleep overs, or parties,
Or hangout with friends at the mall. I was never aloud to leave the house. So when I met this girl and I started to like her I was honestly confused. We started out as friends, then best friends and then we became more then friends.
My mom found out and beat me with the belt. To the point I was bleeding. She hit me in the eye when I said “f*ck please stop” from how hard she was hitting me with the belt and busted my lip with the mental part of the belt buckle. She then read all of messages out loud to my stepdad and shamed me in front of my brothers saying “ look how disgusting your sister is” “ she’ll rot in hell” etc. to this day she claims she beat the gay out of me. I was 16


example 6: My dad got a girlfriend and it happen to be my mom’s cousin. I knew
about my dad and her but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t my business to tell. When my mom found out about them being together she had us all eating dinner and started talking badly about my father. My stepdad never says or does anything. My older didn’t say anything (me and older brother have the same dad. My stepdad is my little brothers dad) she said she wanted him deported ( he has a green card and was studying for the test to become a citizen) how he was a bad man and that Mexicans are disgusting and how she wished she never met
him and a lot of other rude things. At 17 I had nothing to lose. I hated my family and my mother and I’ve grown use to the pain. It was normal for me to get hit daily if not every few days or be called names and degraded in that house hold. My brothers couldn’t do anything to help me because they was scared of my mom and my stepdad loved her and didn’t was to oppose her or make her upset even when she was wrong. So I told her she was the devil and got up from the table to go upstairs. Made it half way until she came up the stairs and started screaming profanities and spitting in my face. I was angry. I have bottles a lot of negative feelings up threw out the years and I could feel myself getting angry. I told her to move and when she didn’t I was prepared to fight her. I never did hit my mom growing up but that day I pushed her down the stairs. She fell maybe a few stairs down and got back up and slapped me so hard that I fell backwards and then twisted her fist into my hair and dragged me up the stairs while punching me. Threw me into the closet door and broke it and then assaulted me and cages me in so I couldn’t get up. All I could do was cover my face. My youngest brother pulled her off but slapped him for stopping her.
Told me to pack my things and that I was leaving. I was packing everything my dad got me since I was a little girl till now and my mom decided that I wasn’t aloud to take anything and that if I did she would have me arrested. So I left
In boxer shorts, a tshirt, and that’s it. My dad came to get me and as I was getting in his car my stepdad stopped me and told me I needed to apologize to my mom. I left without a word and then found out she was sending me to a military boot camp for bad teens for 5 months and had forged my signature and had started buying the stuff I needed to go. I graduated from there at 18 and finished my second half of sophomore classes there and finished my junior classes there as well. When I turned 18 I moved in with my dad refusing to go back to my mom.

*sorry for how much I typed. I needed to get all of it off my chest and for people to see what I went threw.
 

Friday

Moderator
still have nightmares about when my mom abusing me physically,emotionally, and mentally and my family standing aside and watching it happen and acting like nothing was wrong. My question is how do I get them to stop?
As far as I know, there is no way to stop nightmares.

There’s a blood pressure med with the quirky side effect of not remembering your dreams, that’s often Rx’d to people with nightmares (prazosin).

There are a helluva lot of anti-anxiety & sleeping pills, to help people sleep &/or not be affected by bad dreams. Most of these are very addictive short term aids.

There’s lucid dreaming... which is a technique one can learn to be awake & direct the dream/nightmare.

There are coping strategies to deal with the effects of nightmares, so you’re still getting good sleep even if you’re in the midst of a bad nightmare cycle.

So whilst there are a lot of different options out there to deal with various aspects of them? I don’t personally know of anything that stops nightmares fullstop. There may be? I just don’t know of any.
I am 21 years old and still have nightmares about
Out of curiosity... Are/were you one of those people who believed only kids had nightmares? I’d never come across the concept until recently... where I was raised, nightmares were just considered part of life..

It seems to me that people who were raised to believe that only kids have nightmares must have a far harder time of it
 

Still Standing

MyPTSD Pro
Hi Savannah21, I'm with Friday, in that I don't know what stops nightmares, exactly. I am a Grandma who still has nightmares, too, but not as often as in my earlier years. Many times, I am able to wake myself up. When this happens, I get up for a bit and distract myself until able to go back to sleep. At other times, I have learned to pray, in my sleep, when one takes over my sleep. This helps to make them stop, too. Many times the nightmares start with a deep feeling of dread and fear. If I am awake enough, I simply ask God to take care of me and protect me as I sleep. Almost always, this stops the nightmare from advancing. And then there are those times, when I am caught in a full-fledge attack and the nightmare is all consuming. If I am unable to wake myself, hubby has learned to recognize my terror and he will wake me.

For me, I discovered, when I was in my 30's, that my hate and bitterness for my mom, added to the distress I carried. She was mentally ill and very mean. I was her focus of abuse, too. One day, I decided to forgive her. It did not negate or release her from her actions and words, but it did release me from her. The hate and bitterness were burdens I did not have to carry. What she did was her problem to carry. With that decision, I severely limited my time with her and she had nearly no access to my children. This allowed me to build my own life in a healthier manner. I believe that the amount of nightmares decreased after I did this. Will they ever be gone? Probably not, but I do know that they are only dreams and once awake and calmed down, I am safe and the nightmares cannot control me. They are like an open wound that may take lots of time to heal leaving the type of scar that will always flare up and be sore and pull and tear at the good skin around it. Aggravating and paingul? Yes. Life-threatening? No.

We all wish there was a magic wand to wave over our heads to stop the things that are difficult to deal with. Maybe medications will help. I don't know. But, I do know they may never fully go away.

You did not mention if you are under the care of a mental health professional. If not, this may be a good option for you. If finances will not allow such care, there is wonderful educational information on this site. And your online local library has many books you can check out and read on your phone. These are ones I liked: "Trauma and Recovery "by Judith Lewis Herrman, "Getting Past Your Past" by Franchine Shapiro.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hello @Savannah21, I nearly put a mad symbol on your post because that's how I felt when i read what has happened to you by your family, especially your mother. First of all, welcome to the site. There are many people here who will be able to support you. The abuse that you suffered was terrible. Are you safe now? Who around you understands what happened? Are there mental health services that you can go to? Can you get a therapist?

I have suffered alot of violence and abuse in my life like many others here, so I can understand the effect that it has on a person. All I can say is that therapy and medication helped me. What helps one person may not help another but the path to healing means you must reach out and start telling people what happened. And try different things to find out what works for you. I advise that you at least try to get a counsellor/therapist. Trauma and abuse very often causes a chemical imbalance in the brain leading to depression and anxiety. If you have that then medication may help.(Speak to your docter).

I hope that you are at least in a safe place now.
Best wishes to you. S3 😊
 
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