Dreams and dissociation questions

GreySouled

Learning
Not sure where this post should go.

Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I don't remember. In this dream I dissociated so much, time traveled back and forth, so to speak. It happened in session with T, where when I finally came to, she was sitting next to me trying to bring me back, even called another T into the room for assistance. Living in the parts of the dream where I was such a small child (the age I feel in my CSA memories, where I'm low, close to the floor), I was so terrified and crying all the time, scared all the time of every adult, even my bio family. In the dream I would dissociate often at this age, sinking into myself, kind of collapsing to the floor with a thud inside myself, when confronted with either the memory of or being face to face with ...CSA stuff.

Anyway, that's the only relevant part for this post. My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams? For me, dissociation feels like either I'm falling down inside myself to a sunken place to disappear, or that planes of my body, usually my front half, are detaching and sliding off of me. Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares? I've been awake for over two and a half hours now, have showered the sweat off of me, taken my daughter to school, etc. and I still feel dizzy and like my head has water swishing around inside it.

Also, as of a few years ago, I never EVER used to dream of myself as a child - except for maybe the random blue moon la-dee-da dream of being in elementary school, which was always a novelty. I also never used to "see" children/myself as a child being abused in my nightmares; it was always older women/myself as an adult. NOW - and I can deduce that this is probably because of having done so much parts work with T and digging deeper, etc. - that seems to be all that happens. I see myself as a child often or other children being abused, horribly, graphically. This, as I said, already makes sense to me. But, where I never have been one to experience flashbacks or recover memories in a dreaming state (mine have always come while I'm awake, out of the blue), I am now more frequently experiencing what feel like actual flashbacks in my dreams: just snippets, usually, like when I'm awake, but of usually the emotions and fear and bile-in-your-mouthness that come with CSA.

Any thoughts or similar experiences?
 

Friday

Moderator
My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams?
My flashback type dreams/nightmares? Absolutely. I’ve also woken up in the state I was in, in the dream, or at any point along my own personal timeline, or totally normal. I don’t take waking up too seriously, as it’s not something I have any control over. I could wake up with no emotions, or pissed off, or lovely, or in a panic attack, or whatever. The bit I take seriously, is what I do after I wake up.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares?
Yes. Like, Yes in flashing lights, fireworks going off, neon signs flashing. I'm hung over from my weird ass nightmare from last night right now. Again.

Sometimes I have nightmares and I wake up and they disappear and I go with it. No issue. Other times, there's just enough connection to a tender point emotionally, that they hover in my psyche and turn me into an emotional zombie for hours into the morning. It sucks. Nightmares are for nighttime, right!? Can't I catch a break in the daytime!?!
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
dunno if it be the same or not, but two bodies of dream experience from my personal recovery are

1) trauma induced amnesia has been a recurring theme throughout my recovery. emerging memories often begin their emergence in nightmares.
2) one of my engineering talents is, "dream solving" where i go to sleep with a problem and wake up with a solution. science history is chockful of developments which came about precisely this way. i believe --just believing-- that there is a similar type of dream solving which goes on while i am struggling to resolve my psycho snot knots.

both of these kinds of dreams are utterly exhausting for me, to the point where i might have rested better if i had stayed awake. exhausting these dreams are, the gain is worth the pain. the healing mojo attached is immeasurable.

do i dissociate when i dream? i've never considered it, but my knee jerk reaction is that i thought dreams were the very definition of dissociation. it seems to work pretty well when i do my dreaming in my sleep.
 
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